Will setting a hard boundary cause the narcissist to become depressed

[InTheDragonsDen]

Setting: Where I am important to my suspected narcissistic spouse is I am the first person to stay long term in her relationship and in our community I am known and respected. Money earner. Despite her saying she has done x,y and z to be financially successful the truth is, she lived month to month and had a pretty chaotic life before we hooked up. She knows that I am there for her and helpful. So I fill the "husband" type needs.
Setting 2: She is extremely extroverted and I now see her need to be seen and admired by others and especially new male others is her drug or food. She has been caught cheating once and I have no proof there are others but now I look back on our 9 years together I suspect there have been others.
Setting 3: Honestly believe that she wants me to stay home. I work away from home and the covid years I stayed home due to no work in my field. We were together everyday and she never went anywhere without me. Solid. I felt great.
Setting 4: I did go to work for a couple weeks about 6 months ago and a month ago I found out she had made new friends with a couple and had been keeping in contact with them but I had no idea she had made new friends. There was another incidence where there was a gathering in the community about 2 months ago where it appeared she had made friends with a male which I had never seen before. My wife spent the whole time smiling and staring at this man. The man was absolutely torn that I was with my wife and he wanted to come talk to her. The man's friend kept tugging on him to try and drag this man to my wife when I was away from my wifes general area to talk to others. That made me think back on the 9 years together and how often my wife flirted with other men or stared at men during social gatherings.
Setting 5: Wife's cousin had private parties where I was becoming more and more uncomfortable with her cousins behavior. Her cousin was getting more and more physical (grinding running her hands over other men when her husband is never at these private parties) and twerking against a mans groin area. I had talked to my wife about her cousins behavior and said it was wrong. My wife then started doing the same with other men and I made a boundary for me.
Boundary: Told my wife I was no longer going to her cousins (they are besties) or to any more private parties or dances. I was so upset with my wifes behavior I was talking about divorce.
Wifes reaction: She has said all the right things. Done all the right things, she cancelled all parties through the Christmas / New Year's and said we are family. However, she is sleeping so much. Angry at me and her family. She will not go to any where to look at Christmas decorations. I get the silent treatment / anger daily.
My Question: Do narcissists become depressed?
(BTW I see both the cousins husband and me as givers and not takers.)

[InTheDragonsDen]

The more boundaries or fences I start to erect, the more she sleeps. The more I stand up for myself, the more she sleeps / silent treatment / anger. She is concerned that the marriage will end and has done or said things to indicate she wants us together.
"When there is a difference between words and actions, the actions are always the truth"

[InTheDragonsDen]

Totally ignored ALL the red flags in the first 2-3 months. Love bombed to the max. 9 years together. 3 months love bombing. 8 years 9 months waiting for the "real" her to re-appear. Silly silly silly me. The first 3 months was never her.
Still on the quest to find what is best for me. At the moment the hardest part is to learn to focus first on my needs first.

[InTheDragonsDen]

Hi user, thanks for your advice and information. Yes need focus on myself more. I am not worried about her being sleeping more, over all she is using it to interact with me less. Everything she does or says has a purpose, control and punish. If she was like this at month 3 together, I would have been long long long gone. Any attempts for me to have an enjoyable time with her is met with resistance, harsh words or some form of anger. Any time, I am enjoying myself alone, she finds a way to give a little dig. If not immediately within a day. She gives enough so I do not leave. She throws out the time less phrases such as "you will never have anyone like me" (I think to myself "I hope"). The first three months together and now are polar opposites. She gives me a second of attention, I react, then she slams the door shut and barks at me. I am not talking about sex, just normal things that couples enjoy outside the bedroom. She knows what she is doing, what I like and it is like being constantly teased.
Have been working on a plan B. Trying to visualize what it would be like. My greatest fear is throwing what time I have left away.

[escapingman]

ITDD, you get it. You understands what she is doing. What you need to do now is give up the hope she will change and move on to radical acceptance. Whatever you decide to do regarding your marriage, accept that she is not the one you thought she was (the love bomb) and that you can't change her to become what you want her to be.

Good luck, this is though, really though.

[InTheDragonsDen]

Hi Escapingman, thanks for writing. I know things only go downhill from here until she has everything I have to give and she moves on.
Understand that she gives little to me and they need another they can get their "new supply" (triangulation). Both having "new supplies" and giving me little give her the rush, the feeling of power.
Dr. Ramani's video on "All narcissistic relationships are threesomes" really hit home as my wife stares at men at parties or dances. Not just stares but focuses on. Flirts. Etc. Just last week a guy in the grocery store was oogling her and she made sure she bent down right in front of the guy to "Look" at a product she has never bought in 9 years. He just stared at her butt for minutes. Over the course of the next 5 minutes watching both of them gave me the impression that there is more than meets the eye.
Yup, tired of her giving little attention to me and giving all the attention to other men in front of me which led to me putting the boundary on myself. No more parties. No more dances. No more private parties. If she wants to go, she goes alone.

Have caught her quickly changing what she was doing on her phone a couple times this week when I walked into the room. Pretty obvious she is sex-ting someone.

Believe it or not I would be okay if she dumped me today. I know I could walk and not look back (We did this once where I left and we were separated for a few months). Her dumping me closes the door to any possible return. If I left, at the moment I would be vulnerable to a hoover at least in the first few months.
Already know roughly where I would move to and since I gave up all my friends over the course of 9 years. There is no contact she can use to find me. I am not big on social media. Change phone numbers and poof, gone. Going back to work next year will help me make up my mind. I do know what I should do. I have some alpha male friends and they would have dumped her immediately. They give a lot to their partners but they expect a lot in return. Here, I give, she takes. I give, she takes. When I am happy, she doesn't like that which is totally opposite of what it should be.
Have about 5 Dr. Ramani videos which I watch and re-watch. Yup, I get it. I understand this doesn't get better. Understand she is a cheater (physically or emotionally). She is abusive and she only cares about her needs. I do get it. I just do not understand why I stay even another day.