Hello!

[HowDidIGetHere]

Hi Everyone!

I'm here because my wife has something going on. Not exactly sure what it is but seems like BPD is a likely candidate.

We've been together for a little over 9 years (married for almost 6). She's always been a little sensitive/prone to overreact, but nothing seemed out the ordinary until we had a baby last summer. Since then, things have escalated very significantly.

I know PPA/PPD are possibilities too, but upon reflection to times before the baby, I see behavior that makes me think it's something more than that.

I've talked to her about my concerns. She saw a therapist and a psychiatric NP who diagnosed with PPA; however, she believes she tricked those providers into diagnosing her as such with the expressed purpose of trying to get additional time off work llst-baby.


I'm sure I'll be posting more, but just wanted to give a quick intro and say that while I'm not happy to be in this situation, I'm happy to have found this group!

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! You have found a good place. Check out the Toolbox as a start. See you around on the boards!

[SonofThunder]

Welcome! You have found a good place. Check out the Toolbox as a start. See you around on the boards!

Another warm welcome to Out of the FOG!    +1

SoT

[Defiantdaughter1]

Some people can have traits of BPD, but the symptoms aren't a major problem until a major life event or change takes place. If it's PPA or PPD, things could improve in a few months. It might be good for her to have more time off from work. That, alone, could be what is bothering her. New moms experience a lot of difficult emotions going back to work. Sleep deprivation can mess a person up badly. I hope your baby is a good sleeper.

[HowDidIGetHere]

Thanks for the warm welcome, everyone!

Some people can have traits of BPD, but the symptoms aren't a major problem until a major life event or change takes place.

I didn't know that!

Baby is about almost 9 mo old, and while I'm hoping it's PPA/D as opposed to BPD, I'm not too optimistic.

I think the time off has been good for her, but her identity is heavily based on her job. She absolutely hates her job and doesn't want to go back. Fortunately, we're in the position that she can stay home for several years.

Even so, work continues to be a major stressor for her. She spent most of our free time (after baby is in bed) the last 2 weeks venting about how horrible everyone at her job is, how nobody respects her, etc. It all sounds like normal workplace dynamics to me, so im worried she's going to hate any job she gets.

Baby is getting up about once a night, but I've done all the night wakings so wife can get more sleep. Despite this, she complains about not enough sleep. She also complains about how I don't help,make her life harder, and clearly don't love or care about her. 🤷🤷🤷

The lack of acknowledgement/appreciation of everything I do to make her life easier is just the cherry on top. I don't need or want her fawning over me - I'd settle for her not telling me that I'm a terrible husband and partner.

[notrightinthehead]

....The lack of acknowledgement/appreciation of everything I do to make her life easier is just the cherry on top. I don't need or want her fawning over me - I'd settle for her not telling me that I'm a terrible husband and partner.....

This can wear you down over time. You loose your self confidence, don't trust your judgment anymore, feel down, insecure and useless at home. Only at work and with other people do you feel at ease and normal.

I urge you to learn medium chill. And give up the hope that you can make your wife happy. Begin to make yourself happy. Maybe it will spill over to your wife, but that's on her. Decide for how long you will listen to her complaints, and what you will do to extricate yourself. You could decide to listen for 30 minutes then have to do an urgent task. Enjoy as much time as you can with your baby and make it fun, not a chore. Play. Take baby out.

Read up on boundaries and boundary setting. Implement boundaries.

Try not to reward either negatively or positively the complaints. Try to ignore the unwanted behavior and reward positive behavior with compliments, praise, and kind gestures. Role model healthy, kind behavior as much as possible. That asks a lot of you, but you are a parent now. You are responsible for a baby. You want to be the best parent you can be.

We are here to support you!