How to protect my privacy in case of emergency Possible TW: end of life issues

[ItWillBeOK]

Lately it seems my nPDM is increasingly finding ways to violate my privacy as I slowly stop volunteering so much of my time and totally take away access to my personal things and space. I've worked on practical boundaries that don't require her to agree I just set up so they enforce themselves - like not giving her a key, and not opening my door if she shows up unannounced, etc., as ways to keep the boundary that she doesn't get access to my space unless I choose to give it to her. But I've started having a big fear this week (it has been a really bad week with her...). This is kind of out there, unlikely to ever be an issue, and really morbid. But I've been thinking about how to protect my privacy from UnPDM in every possible scenario, because it seems any that I don't plan ahead for she always uses the opening that leaves her.

Since I am single, and have no FOC, would she get access to clean out my house if I die while she is alive?? Is there a way to write in a will that she absolutely is not allowed to!? I know this might be a little out there, as I'm healthy and relatively young, most likely she won't be around by the time I die. But who knows? If I were to die in an accident or something, I absolutely would not want her to be able to get into my place and snoop and mess with my things just because she is related to me.

Today I was thinking of something even scarier. What if I get sick or hurt and someone has to make medical decisions for me. Wouldn't she like be a default as next of kin? I can't imagine being in a hospital unable to communicate and her making decisions for my life or medical care. It's about the most violating thing I can think of at the moment.

What do I need to do to protect myself for these unlikely but not impossible scenarios? Seems like if I had someone else to designate I probably could just write that in a will and living will. But what if there really is no one else? At the moment I'm a total loner The only people I'd be comfortable accessing my house in case of death, or medical support if I were in the hospital would be  a sibling, but literally my mom basically can control and violate the privacy of even the strongest of my immediate family members, so giving permission to any of them means she'll end up finding a way in. Can I put in a will that if I die just have my landlord throw away everything I own? Can I put in a living will that if I am in a medical emergency and can't make decisions just to let some state appointed person do it or something??

I realize as I'm wrapping up this post that these are legal matters and I can't get legal advice over a forum. But I will ask, have any of you worried about or worked through these kinds of concerns. Do you have any experience with putting protections in place against your PD in case of emergency?

Thanks. It's been a really bad week with her and I feel like no matter how safe I make myself from her I'm going to miss something. I just want to be my own person apart from her. 

[notrightinthehead]

That is so totally understandable since your personal space has been violated before. I would worry more about protecting myself while alive though, it would not matter to me what happens to my things when I am gone, personally.
Maybe an appointment with a lawyer would be helpful to make arrangements?

[Cat of the Canals]

You are not the first person to ask a question like this, so you're not alone in your fears. Here are a few threads where similar questions were asked:

https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=90133

https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=89893.0

[ItWillBeOK]

Thank you all for your replies. 

This gives me hope that there are concrete things I can do and things to start looking into.

Cat -- the threads you posted were very helpful, and just knowing that others have had similar concerns was very reassuring. As I couldn't sleep in the middle of the night last night as I worried about this, I was starting to wonder if I was starting to lose my mind. Very glad to see I wasn't the first person to ask these questions!

[sunshine702]

Search the internet or Nolo free legal documents for MEDICAL DIRECtIVE.  Fill it out .  Sign it at a Notary place  - a lot of ups stores have this.  Carry the one page in your wallet. 

You wishes.   Piece of mind.