This week it is one year since I left uNPDxw with DD in tow. I have been NC more or less all the time except from seeing her in court and some email contact regarding some practical things.
What a year! If anyone told me that I would not speak to her for a year I would not believe them. If anyone told me the divorce would be final I would not believe them. The house is sold subject to contract, just waiting to finalise. It was exactly as hard as imagined to get free from her if not harder. But I found the strength somewhere, no idea where. I done this completely on my own together with DD, no help from any FOO. Matter of fact FOO exposed themselves and I am now on very low contact with all of them.
This has cost me a fortune in both legal cost and settlement payment. But whatever I paid, the freedom is worth it. Some days I am on a real high, some on a low. But before it was always low or eggshells. I can feel it, my entire look at life is different. Sometimes I just scream of joy of the freedom to do whatever I like. Sometimes I get so depressed I could not save my other DD and that I have not seen her for a year.
Health is improving, I lost over 20 kg (3 stones). Acid reflux almost completely gone, asthma gone, candida gone, eczema gone, stomach pains gone.
DD's health is also improving. Acid reflux almost completely gone. asthma much better, skin rashes gone, panic attacks gone. And today something unbelievable happened, DD had her yearly eye test - the first since leaving. Her prescription has improved! When I asked the optician if it is normal she said no and it almost always gets worse. I googled it when home and DD's condition is not one that ever improves, but hers has! Can only be one reason.
Last year we spent a week on the "run" living in hotels staying away from the abuse. Now we will celebrate the freedom and go for another week in hotels, this time it won't be for safety but for joy. I will take DD to the US for the first time in her life and for us both to visit DC for the first time. I treated us both to business class tickets to make the most of the celebration.
To all of you still in relationships with a PD, please realise there is a life to live out there. I am far from fully healed, but I am on the right path.
Thanks for all support over the last two years since I started my journey here on Out of the FOG.
I probably have read all your posts, escapingman. You are a continuing inspiration.
A great year update EM! Congrats again comrade on the accomplishments and moving steadily forward in the war, one skirmish at a time. Enjoy your business class flight to DC and a warm USA welcome to you to DD! Enjoy the freedom!
SoT
Congrats EM! I've been lurking and following your story and remember when you were struggling so bad and not sure that leaving was possible. Enjoy your vacation with DD!
Thank you for your kind words, and thank you SoT for the welcome. The trip is actually feeling extra good as it all is booked with points that was collected to do exactly this kind of trips with uNPDxw. I think DD has told her about it so she will be seething, but the best thing is that I don't care. Whatever she feels is her thing to deal with, I am just moving on with my life.
I am so happy to read this post!
You've shown me that a person can go through hell and come out the other side!
Welcome from me also to the USA. Have a magical trip!
Wow EM, what a story and such a brilliant, not ending but new beginning. I also followed your story from the begining and it was hard seeing you suffer in real time as you slowly came Out of the FOG and did what you had to do. I know that you still have your other daughter with your ex and really hope that you will be able to heal that relationship in the near future and that is isn't easy. I can also see how your life and that of your other daughter has improved beyond measure and I am very happy for you both. Brilliant!
Escaping Man - what a beautiful, raw, authentic update. Thank you!
Wishing you joy on your trip, continued healing for all of you and eventual reconciliation with your other DD. Enjoy DC! So much to see and do!
I'm particularly amazed by the health updates. Hot damn.
Quote from: square on May 23, 2023, 08:43:43 PM
I'm particularly amazed by the health updates. Hot damn.
I forgot to add my back problems has improved immense as well, it's so good compared to how it was I am not even thinking about it anymore.
Today it's exactly one year since I left and subsequently it's one year since last time uNPDxw verbally abused me and DD. One year of no one dumping their verbal diarrhoea on top of me, wow, thinking of it that just feels amazing. Of course I had to to deal with DD screaming at me in frustration, but that's different. I am just letting this sink in, one year.
Quote from: escapingman on May 25, 2023, 05:16:06 AM
Today it's exactly one year since I left and subsequently it's one year since last time uNPDxw verbally abused me and DD. One year of no one dumping their verbal diarrhoea on top of me, wow, thinking of it that just feels amazing. Of course I had to to deal with DD screaming at me in frustration, but that's different. I am just letting this sink in, one year.
Happy Anniversary of your (and DD's) 1yr escape from inside the high compound walls of the cult. Getting outside those walls and now beginning the re-acclimation back into our real world possibilities is a slow, steady, and interesting process. I have a whole lot of myself to unlearn over time.
Inside the compound, we are slowly brainwashed that the high walls are to keep intruders and the wrongdoers from getting in; a beneficial self protection built and taught by the cult leader and their flying monkeys. Escaping, we finally realize that was a lie, a facade of security, all built to keep us in, keep us from seeing the real world outside, and steadily brainwash us to serve the cult leader in that secure space of the perpetual double-bind.
Celebrate today in some way,
SoT
Just a quick update, me and DD are now on our holiday. We are both having our struggles, but we are doing fine. To travel with a normal person is amazing, DD is a young teenager but so much more mature than xw ever been.
Love DC, went to see the white house today. No pressure what to do, we just want to have a nice time.
Thanks for the update. I'm glad your trip is going well.
Quote from: Poison Ivy on May 28, 2023, 08:53:57 PM
Thanks for the update. I'm glad your trip is going well.
+1
SoT
Quick update, all is going well and I think my nervous system is wondering why there is no drama on this trip. OK, there are the small issues with DD but that is more teenage stuff and me cramping her style.
Oh and thanks to all of living in the USA for treating us with stunning hot weather.
You're welcome ;)
Glad you are enjoying yourselves! Enjoy the contrast in temperature and drama!
SoT
DD had been in contact with xw and told me something I was not prepared for. I immediately went into a state of anxiousness and had to breathe and calm myself down for 10 minutes. It wasn't anything bad or good it was just that I did not want to hear anything about her.
Huge congratulations Escapingman!!! WoW! The year went fast. From ITDD.
Back home again, both me and DD felt great when in a different time zone far far away. But as soon as we got closer to going home and eventually being home we both are struggling again. The heightened contact because of the move and house sale has really gotten to both of us. I just need to keep it together and push this over the line so we can move on. Packing up things and seeing photos and cards etc made me really emotional and started sobbing like a baby. I am not thinking of what could have been or missing uNPDxw but I do miss DD and I am angry, actually totally furious with XW about how she dared treat me like she did and that she still do. I got really angry with my parents who are nowhere to be seen and has not helped at all for an entire year, all they done in playing victims because of the fallout during my visit last year. But after the cry I felt much stronger and now I am just thinking what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.
Glad your travel was enjoyable EM ☺️. Moving is surely on the top 10 stress/emotion activities for anyone; so how much more emotional for people who have spent time in the truth-war trenches of divorcing a PD spouse.
Im of the opinion that as long as you keep a non-judgemental, open door for DD, that you may see her eventually walk in. Especially as time marches onward and your exW moves forward with a new target acquisition, and DD is not being weaponized against you.
Last, for encouragement, possibly look back at your past posts regarding your home, and your hopeful excitement toward a future move. You are in that realized process now, so therefore are fulfilling a past daydream goal! Well done.
SoT
escapingman,
Glad to hear your report of good things! :applause: :thumbup: ;D :like:
I firmly believe that our physical can manifest emotional energy and being away from all of the drama, stress, emotional blackmail, etc. is giving us years back on our lifespan.
This month last year was the last time that I "interacted" with her, two court appearances and a couple of zoom meetings with attorneys present. A few days shy of a full 365.
Like you, physically I'm better all-round. Lost weight, eyesight better, sleep much much much improved, what dreams I do remember are of the nice kind instead of negative type, outlook on life generally way better. More optimistic that the universe is actually conspiring to be beneficial to me instead the opposite.
What's really cool though, is that this is just the beginning EM, just the beginning :)
Congrats on your year anniversary and the trip!!!
Just moving items out of the house, was carrying DD's bedframe and saw some dent on it. Initially I panicked, 1 second later I calmed down in relief as I realised XW will never see the dent and neither me or DD could be bothered about something like that.
This is freedom, I could never imagine how good it taste.