Sons first day school ignored by my mother (to hurt me!)

[Sidney7]

So my little boy started school on Friday!  Huge milestone, my husband and I have been so excited for him, he's so ready and has a couple of little friends from pre-school who are going to the same school.
We spent some time trying to get him into this particular Catholic school so Friday was a really big exciting day! 
Spoke to Narc Mother on Tuesday 29th Jan, she seemed fine, I said I was having the week off so I could spend some special time with my son before starting school on Friday 1st - I made it clear he was starting and that DH and I would both be taking him.
Thursday evening, no call, no good luck!
Friday morning, first day, I send text to my enabling father, no response!
Friday afternoon, still no response...
Friday at 8pm I call my mother and she was clearly off me!  At first no answer, she calls back 5 mins later and all she talks about is the weather.  I'm like, J started school today!!! Oh really????  I thought it was Monday!!!  Didn't ask about him, didn't ask how we went...
I'm completely disgusted!!!   I cannot even think about my mother and father right now...
My Dad sent me a text earlier today (Monday) and said he was sorry and that "mum thought it was Monday"... 
She Knew, she wants to hurt me, she wants to ruin any special milestones that I may have and is using my son to hurt me..
She also never called my son on his birthday in April last year.....
I have never been this angry before - usually I turn into a mess when she EF's with me but this time is just so repulsive that I don't think I can ever get over this...

[appaloosa]

I'm so sorry. That is really sinking to a new low, to not even acknowledge your son's big day. But he had you and his dad, and probably doesn't even realize, so at least he (I hope) was not hurt by your parents' lack of response to his first day. I don't blame you for being upset and disgusted!

[Yael924]

On the bright side, your little man didn't notice the difference. He has you and your partner cheering for him.

You can continue to ensure that little man doesn't notice GPs absence by including them less in these types of activities.

That way you insulate you and your son from disappointment.
Just a thought. 

[Frankie14]

My FOO did this sort of thing constantly...you will get used to it and stop sharing, then be blamed for 'never telling them anything'.  Since you can't win for losing with PD's, don't try.  Tell them nothing.

Congratulations to your little guy..

4 + years ago my oldest graduated high school, she told my En-PD Dad in text and send a photo of herself in her cap and gown, we invited him to the graduation ceremony, he didn't respond yes or no, but living 2,000 miles away and he never responded yes or no we deduced he wasn't coming. *the other 3 grandparents did attend.

So, my DD sent photo to my En-PD Dad of herself in cap and gown before ceremony; received back - NO response, no congratulations, not a card..nothing.  No response to the graduation photos we sent after the ceremony.  Nothing. 

When my oldest was accepted to several colleges, she sent a list of her acceptances to my Dad, they were ignored, no congratulations.  No response. 

A year after college acceptances and graduation for my oldest was ignored and not acknowledged, my nephew graduated jr high and my Dad and his wife flew across the country for his JR HIGH school graduation from 8th grade..and N-sister hosted a big FOO party for his graduation from jr high at my NPD-sister's house, my kids and my FOC not invited of course.

*When the scape-goating and mobbing happens to YOUR children, you do finally say enough is enough, IMHO...when it spread to my kids, I was done and done with FOO.  My older DD said why did Grandpa fly to our State from 2,000 miles away for my cousins JR high school graduation and not even sent me a text saying congratulations and I said, it doesn't matter.  WE were there..WE congratulated you..  *how can you even explain it to an innocent 18 year old at the time..?

My En-PD-father ignored my 7 year olds birthday a few months ago, no card, no text, no call, nothing in the mail.  I sent a photo a few days later of my youngest with his cake; no response. Nothing.

En-PD-Father 9x out of 10 ignores all photos we send of the younger two boys 12 and 7.  No response, not cute or nice, nothing.  As if the emails, and texts were deleted ASAP and disposed of.

But, I get a phone call a month ago from En-PD-Dad, which was MONTHS after my 7 year old birthday; about why "don't we ever see the boys anymore" and what did "we do", we don't get phone calls, you don't visit anymore.  Guess my en-father forgot his wife illegally tried to steal my DNA 2 years ago saying she was 'me' on a DNA website and mailed me a vial to 'produce' MY DNA for HER to get my results and she started a verbal altercation with ME in front of my kids 3 years ago, and I guess he forgot, we have 3 kids, 2 jobs, 2 dogs, and him and his wife are retired with plenty of money to take a plane to see HIS grand-kids..Oh and how about acknowledge the photos I have said of the boys you 'really want to see.'  Please with the dramatics..and nice gaslighting...doesn't work anymore..

BTW, the "we" my Dad mentions regarding him and his 2nd wife is laughable; as he married this stranger-woman when I was well into my 30's and I was married with kids...his wife was almost 50 with no kids, never married before.  She also never sends my children so much as a birthday card...so who is this 'we' he is referring to..they also live 2,000 miles away.  He is a grown man and can hop a plane any day of the week to see his grandkids.

My DH thinks my Dad's wife deletes my photo/texts and photo/emails and we also think she intermittently blocks my phone from getting thru to his, as he also says I don't call, but I do and leave VM and no response..he is 76 so he's getting older, the wife is mid 60's now.

Gist of this is; my younger two kids will NOT go thru the same as my older one, being ignored and shunned by 'family' using her as just a replacement scapegoat for me...its why no my younger two will NOT visit you PD grandpa and PD strange-wife he married...no thanks.  Hard pass.

[Frankie14]

I can't modify my previous post; but will add a few more examples;

We used to visit my En-Pd-Dad and (once he married his 2nd wife) once a year for several years, just so he could see my children. 

About 4-5 years ago; my oldest saw on Instagram my Dad on a boat with my niece and nephew, so when we went to visit him, she said Grandpa, can we go on your boat, and he said oh uhm, I don't have a boat who told you that, she said I saw you as the Cap't on a boat with my cousins, he said oh uhm, I sold it. 

A year later, on Instagram, new post of my Dad Cap't again on same boat with my niece and nephew and N-sister and her husband on Instagram, also photos of my Dad on Jetski's with my niece and nephew.  So, we are down for our yearly visit and my DD and then 10 year old son ask if they can also ride Jetski's with him, he said oh I don't have any Jetski's, my DD said, yes you do, my cousins posted photos of YOU on the jet skis with THEM..he said oh uhhh, I borrowed them.  *Later the same visit, my Dad's N-wife said to my DD and older son, he never sold the boat its docked year round, and the jet ski's are at another home your grandfather owns, he doesn't want to do ANYTHING with you, he ENJOY'S his other grandkids, which is why they go boating and jet skiing together, then I walk into the room after hearing this and say that's enough; and she said we can't stand it when you guys come to visit, but you JUST WONT STOP SHOWING UP...

That was 3 years ago...we never went back...and I have never seen my father again...

ETA; this Christmas because my Dh and I are the 'bigger people' we sent my Dad and his wife Christmas Flowers; we got the tracking the flowers were received, no thank you, no response, no acknowledgment that they arrived, my children got no Christmas cards, not a single present for any of the 3 of them, not a phone Merry Christmas phone call or Merry Christmas texts, even tho my older 2 have phones.  I had to eventually call my Dad on Christmas to say Merry Christmas and he could not get off the phone fast enough, call lasted maybe 3 minutes, and no no mention of our Christmas flowers that we know were received.  This is the treatment the Scapegoat gets.

So I would cease as much contact as possible before your little one starts to notice.  My little one has no idea who Grandpa and his crazy wife are, never will...

[Dinah-sore]

Oh my goodness this post and all the comments just broke my heart.

I don't have anything to say that can help fix this or make anything better, but just offer you my support. You are all good parents. <3 and your children are lucky to have parents who care about them and protect them.

Big Hugs

[Sidney7]

Frances 29 - I'm wondering if they are deleted also!  Seems so strange but at the same time I wouldn't put it by a Narc being so nasty!

So sorry to see you are going through a similar scenario.

[Sidney7]

So I saw NM on Saturday - of course all nice and all.  She asked that I sit next to her (we were in a restaurant) so that she could give me a kiss.....  (I am so glad I can see thought all this now!)

About 20 mins into the lunch my brother and husband walked off  and I was left with my parents.  Mother says that she was not going to say anything but then went on to say that she "needs some understanding because they are getting old now" - shes saying that she forgets and that my voice is very soft on the the phone..

I say BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  She remembers everything else and expects me to jump and everyone elses big occasions!  SIL came back from Japan and she remembered the date and even the flight arrival time and wanted me to send her a Welcome Home message!!    BUT, cannot remember he daughters son's first day of school - one of the biggest milestones in my / and his life!

I'm hanging for the next time she does her Narc trip on me so I can bail out completely!!!!  The whole thing is insane!  I have no idea I made it this far in my life and am relatively ok and functioning....

[daughter]

I'm the SG daughter of a malevolent NBM who espoused the "kiss my ring" philosophy of demanding my attention and filial duty while failing to reciprocate in any empathetic or supportive manner for me or my own FOC.  And of course, she thought this was natural, that her two children are split into SG and GC roles, and likewise her grandchildren also into SG and GC roles.  Mine are SGs, mostly ignored, clearly less favored, sometimes unkindly manipulated, so as to telegraph our subordinate lesser-value back to me too.

Accept your mother "is as she is", negative force that she is.  Then change your expectations of her, meaning HOW YOU INTERACT with her, reducing contact, marginalizing her emotional hold over you, lessening her malevolence over both you and your children and your FOC household over all.  You can't fix her, can't fix this dysfunctional "kiss my ring" dynamic, but you are able to change your own expectations and implement new boundaries regarding folks who treat you and your family with callousness and neglect.  Empower yourself.