NC Sibs - Back to Do What They Do Best

[Forsythia]

Greetings,

New to posting, but have been reading the Sibling, Parent and Co-Worker sections which have been so affirming and encouraging to know I am not alone, not to mention very instructive.

Grew up under traumatic household conditions and have been 'living' with C-PTSD.  Never figured out deceased parents' undiagnosed issues, as GC was over the top with her (probably undiagnosed) dark triad of control and destruction.  NC with entire family & extended family for decades but GC and FM Bro suddenly back on scene to smear and destroy.  I have been maintaining NC through this recent mess, but they pierced the veil into knowing where I work and have been lighting up the phones, emailing and threatening to show up here to force me to sign a document (speaking syrupy sweet, tho, so all are deceived). All calls go to voicemail to save for evidence.  When I moved 3,000 miles from home to escape them 3+ decades ago, they moved here too.  They live a few hours away.

I alerted two bosses and receptionists that "crazy sister is threatening to come here to force me to sign a document that I do not want to sign".  My boss said something like 'yep, seems everybody has one crazy sib'.  I am proud of myself for having spoken up as I usually hide & sweep all family ugliness under the carpet and pray they stay away.  This is the first time I mentioned I have a sib problem.  Retirement is soon, so I am praying they don't ruin my work situation.  I love my job and have worked here a long time, and have met with a few small successes along the way.

Next week they say they are coming to the town where I work.  I am trying to comfort my inner child who is terrified of sibs, due to unlawful abuse of me in past.  I already alerted the Police who instructed me what number to dial.

I was the helper child from an embarrassingly young age.  I knowingly still choose to do way too much for the people in my life, but I do have loving, caring DH and children who tell me I don't have to do so much.  I read alot and right now am reading and working through "You're Not Crazy, Your Co-Dependent".  I am also slowly working my way through Pete Walker's CPTSD book, etc.

Thank you for reading. 

Psalm 33:10 The Lord bringeth the counsel of the heathen to nought: he maketh the devices of the people of none effect.

[moglow]

Hey Forsythia! Welcome to our little corner - hope we can help you through!

Know this: No one can make you do anything. They can try. They can employ FOG [fear obligation and/or guilt] and you STILL have the option to decline. Or avoid. Or offer to "take it under advisement and get back to them later..." Them possibly showing up would no doubt be designed to put you on the spot and/or shame you into doing what they want. You can STILL say No. Practice it in front of a mirror: "I don't HAVE to do or sign anything right this minute. I'll need time to read over it regardless of what they may say. ... I understand what you're saying." Smile. Be firm. Be polite. "Was there anything else for now? I'll get back to you as soon but right now I need to..." Walk away leaving them standing there if you have to. You STILL need to read it through and understand what it is you're signing, and them breaking it down for you would only add unnecessary noise and confusion.

My first suggestion since your boss is already aware of the situation, is that someone vet unknown and/or unannounced visitors. You know, "I'm sorry but Forsythia is in a meeting/out of the office/tied up on a conference call/etc. May I give her a note or message?" Bright and polite and all that jazz, but firmly clear that they're not going to present you for said visitors.

[Forsythia]

Hi Moglow!

Your friendly welcome warms my soul! 

I have been told more than once "No one can make you do anything.", and by all the right people.  Will do some healing around thinking I have no choice, even if I'm (feeling) cornered.

Printing your response for practice in front of the mirror.

Many Thanks for your kindness! 

[moglow]

Trial by fire my friend! Believe me, I screwed that up myself plenty of times before the lesson sunk in. There's always an exit from the corners we paint ourselves into.