Pandemic self-care

[Hattie]

I am in the UK and we are going into an ever stricter lockdown. I cannot begin to describe how triggering this is for my CPTSD. I live alone, and am finding it sheer torture to not be allowed out to see friends. It seems this is going to be going on for months and I have no idea how I am going to get through this. I am terrified I will break down mentally. I was doing really well, and BAM, this happens. I am glad I am not locked down with my abusive ex, but being alone in this situation is pretty appalling also. Hope those of you in similar situations are coping OK xx

[Sweetbriar]

Hattie, I'm so sorry this is triggering for you. You're not alone though. It is really hard and we're all going to have to find ways to manage the feelings were getting. I wonder if you can hang out with friends via video chatting. A lot of people I know are using Zoom to even just have going in the background while they cook and eat dinner. They say it helps. The other day I played a game via video with a friend.

This COVID situation is so alarming every day. I live in a small town so it has been this slow moving thing. First we're asked to social distance, now all non-essential businesses are closed. I am seeing people wearing masks. Yesterday I had a pain in my chest and I started to get anxiety and was sure I had the virus.

It is strange that the whole world is going thru this at the same time.

The one thing that I have been doing to ease into self-care, is teaching myself to play guitar. Then i do some baking. I try to read a chapter from my book and today I began to edit some writing I've been doing.

Are there any other creative venturers out there? What are you doing to keep your mind off of things?

We must remember this will pass. It passed in Wuhan and it will everywhere else as well.

In the meantime, I feel grateful that the C02 levels are dropping and we're giving nature a break. Still it is very stressful.

Warm thoughts to everyone.

[Hattie]

Sweetbriar, thanks for your thoughtful message. I am doing a bit better now that the shock of lockdown has worn off. Your routine is creative activities and work sounds really supportive. I am able to work from home, which is good. I have also been Zooming with friends, and keeping busy with household tasks. Here we can still go out to exercise once a day, and also meet up in pairs for walks, so I am very grateful for that.

Hope everyone is doing okay looking after their mental health at this time.

[GettingOOTF]

It looks like we are in for the long haul where I am. The peak is a few weeks out and they will need to see cases drop consistently before restrictions are lifted.

This week was hard as I'm starting to see the effects of not moving around as much.

The hardest part so far has been that the weekend doesn't look that different from weekdays. It was hard to keep track of days and I do feel myself losing connections with colleagues. You don't realize how much you interact with people until you can't.

I am grateful every single day that I'm no longer with my BPDxH. I keep seeing articles on domestic abuse and they all say that abusers will use this to control their families even more, forbidding them from leaving the house and threatening them with illness. My BPDxH would have been like this. I wouldn't have been able to go into the yard and I live in an apartment building so he would have forbidden me from going into any common area. I k so he would have carried on as usual and been reckless with his hygiene. Making me kiss then when he walked through the door ("oh so you're not happy I'm home").

This has really highlighted to me how bad my situation was. I see how at risk I was when I was with him. It's been very triggering.

It's good that domestic violence other than physical violence is being discussed so much in the mainstream media, so that is one upside.

I've been expecting him to reach out but so far he hasn't.  His emails go to my junk folder at work (the only email I couldn'd get rid of) and I've gone back to checking that regularly again which I haven't done in years. I

[Spring Butterfly]

Are there any other creative venturers out there? What are you doing to keep your mind off of things?

Garden and outside in the sun and fresh air as much as possible - naturally immune supportive. Read an article about microbes in dirt being supportive besides plus veggies in a few weeks.

Reading Enneagram and taking notes for self growth.

Playing word games and other games that connect me with friends.

Socializing with friends via text, phone, video and keeping in touch with faith community for support.

Although much of my work is online training I've opted out of engaging. It stressed me out and for my own wellbeing I needed to pull back. I'm gently reengaging as I'm able.

My yoga studio is live streaming and it's not the same as being in a hot studio but it's good to see / hear familiar faces / voices of the different instructors besides the mental, emotional and physical benefits. Yoga with Addrianne is one of my YouTube faves.

Breathing, stretching, meditation, prayer, reading comforting passages.

Hubby is stress cooking and I stay out of his way, eat his food and he's on a cleaning kick so also staying out of his way so he can stream clean every little thing even though we haven't left the house for 2 weeks. 

[Andeza]

I built a rack in the basement, ordered lights, got trays, and am in the process of starting a cut and come again salad garden indoors. I keep joking the neighbors will see the lights and think I'm growing something else entirely. The area we are in is very heavily covenant controlled, so sadly I can't have chickens. Otherwise I'd be full tilt into preparing for chicks too.

I've also finally been catching up on my reading! Ever since ds was born I've hardly touched a book or reader, for over a year. Pretty odd for me.

When the weather is warm enough we've been getting out and walking a mile or two. That's still allowed in our area thankfully.

Lots of video games too! Lol we'll all get in this.

[Hattie]

Out of the FOG-I am very grateful not to be locked down with my abusive ex too. Thank goodness we are out. My heart goes out to those who are not.

I have also been worrying about my exes. In my case, missing them and being slightly tempted to break no contact... But I am about to recognise that as being about feeling lonely in general, rather than really wanting them back

[NumbLotus]

Hi guys,

I've been doing well. My daughter and I flew to my mother's house. My normal life is so locked down that being here in lockdown is a reprieve. I take a walk every day. Have been out in the car three times this week (things like picking up prescriptions via drive thru). Had recently bought exercise bands and have been doing a routine daily. Have the run of the house all day, not just after 4pm five days a week (and not at all twice a week). Have two human beings to talk to. House is clean and pleasant. Drama quotient is absolute bupkis. Other than, I guess, kid complaining about being asked to clear the table or something.

[Poison Ivy]

@NumbLotus, I'm glad that you and your daughter are at your mother's house.

[SparkStillLit]

I have been walking dogs, working on training with puppy, playing with dogs out back, plant care in front, cooking/baking.
Watching movies/shows. Reading books. WFH days are kind of a bear, but I'm considering shutting my office door. I LOVE it when I can go in to the office or out in the field.
Cleaning! Lots of that! Doing stuff I don't normally do.

[1footouttadefog]

I bought a little garden tractor with some implements and have done some landscaping projects and plan to break some ground on a nice big organic garden.

Having fun learning new skills moving dirt and preparing for uncertainty with starting a self employment as a gardener

[GettingOOTF]

I started going out for a walk. I go really early in the morning before people are out. I get in about 5 miles. I walked that each day before this and I was battling not being able to. It's really helped me mentally and makes the rest of the time shut in bearable.

I'm not leaving the apartment much as it's too much so the all the washing of hands and disinfecting everything I touch so I pack everything into that one morning outing. I don't leave the house without my mask and gloves and I'm seeing them on more and more people.

I seem to finally be settling in to a routine and this week I lowered both my body fat percentage and my weight. Other than the increased working out I haven't done anything. My days are working out, doing my job for 9 hours, dinner, bed and Netflix. I'm not pressuring myself to deep clean or learn a new skill.

I've increased my therapy appointments. I'm using this time to do some deeper self work as I'm stuck in my head anyway.

Some family stuff came up with various people reaching out (I'm NC) but I'm dealing with that.

[NumbLotus]

I have been feeling pretty low. I feel like I'm sick of "all this" and then I remember that I don't have anything to look forward to - the "normal life" that awaits me I dread, and I fear it will only get worse as time goes by and H gets worse with whatever is wrong.

I shouldn't complain, unlike others here, I am having a "break" being away from home. But I have a weight dragging my heart down. I ignore it and bury it but it's still there.

And other weights. My father is in assisted living. He is literally going crazy, confined to his room with no visitors or activities. It's a worst nightmare kind of thing. I can't even think about it. And I've probably seen him for the last time. Gotta stuff that away, along with the fact that my mom has enough momey to pay for only a few more months and then I don't know what. She literally cannot care for him. He's on a Medicaid waiting list. Nobody is processing the list right now. Just stuff that away too.

My kid is angry that we're here. She wants her computer. She'd rather have her computer than her mother. She wants me to send her home, alone, so she can have her computer. It's not gonna happen. She's allowed to feel whatever she wants but it does suck that my motherly care is worth less than a computer. I just wish she would shut up about it, she argues and won't let it go and prefers to stir up all these bad feelings on the off chance she might get her way. It's just another thing to stuff down.

My H is basically not contacting me. Again, I worry for the pets. He doesn't read my emails to him, and I only email important things (and not often). He sent a text a few days ago complaining his work shift was boring and that's it. I want to stop replying to his stupid texts but then he'll go BPD and strt wondering why I'm not replying, without a thought to the fact that HE is not replying to ME. And if I were to point that out, he'd dust me off with "oh, so basically you're PUNISHING me then I guess. You're always SO CHILDISH blah blah" so it's all about my crime and he doesn't have to look at himself at all.

I'm sorry to complain but I feel low even if I don't really have a good reason.

[Poison Ivy]

Your situation is rough, @NumbLotus.  I understand why you feel low.

[Cascade]

I've been trying to stay posted through all this, stuck at home with my PD husband but this weekend was rough. Everything my husband does is getting on my nerves, and he has been so involved in all the household things that I normally do alone, and prefer to do alone. For instance, grocery shopping has become the highlight of my week since it's the only time I get out now (other than walks).  So he went shopping twice this weekend and bought a bunch of food, without telling me of course. So our freezer is full with food I don't really like, and he thinks he's helping. But we are still healthy and he still has a job (but works from home) so I know I should be thankful.

[guitarman]

I am living in the UK. I think that the whole world now knows about hyper vigilance and anticipatory dread.

I have heard the coronavirus being called the "Narcissistic Virus" as it doesn't care about how much pain and suffering it causes it just cares about itself.

I'm OK but my feelings are all over the place. I get triggered by so many things.

Thankfully I've not had any contact from my uBPD/NPD sister for months and I've not contacted her. Usually she's always complaining about how physically ill she is. So it's been good to have had a break from her constant negativity.

I participate in regular Mindfulness meditation sessions online every week day. That helps me cope with disordered thoughts and constant worrying which can become overwhelming for me at times.

My family are all well although one member thinks that they had the virus a few months ago and self isolated. They have now fully recovered.

The repeated news can become frightening so I don't watch television and don't listen to the radio much but I can't avoid it when it's all that they talk about.

There is a very cheerful enthusiastic gardener who gives live chats from her garden every day on Instagram. She's so happy and optimistic whilst acknowledging the surreal reality of the current situation. I make sure to watch her every day. I am trying to grow vegetables but have many slugs and snails in the garden. I've managed to make a small no dig vegetable patch.

I went shopping at a small supermarket yesterday but couldn't buy any eggs or flour. I may have to try and go to a bigger supermarket further away.

Many people are impatient and don't want to abide by the rules at the supermarket. They don't stay distant. People need to calm down, wait and take their time in order to keep everyone safe and well.

We have a family chat once a week on Zoom. My sister has not been invited.

I hope that you can stay calm, stay strong, stay connected and stay well. You are not alone.

Best wishes

Guitarman X