Happy endings to smear campaign

[me01t]

Does anyone have any happy endings about a smear campaign they could share to give me some hope or is this just naive? My life in a small community is currently in a mess and whilst i still cant decipher whether i am dealing with 2 narcs or a narc and a set of flying monkeys it is a horrible position to be in and i would love to have some hope.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Well, my father overplayed his hand and got most justly was made to look bad in front of a reluctant flying monkey who is something of an authority figure in his life.  Karma.

Or is that not what you had in mind? Sounds like a mess that you can't fix. Whether narc or flying monkeys, it seems like the solution is to just stay out of it all. The safe people with a brain will reveal themselves. And if they don't, is moving an option? Small town gossip and drama is the worst.

[athene1399]

I don't know if this helps, but my SO was in a similar situation (I think). We live in a small city where a lot of people know each other or know of each other. His BPDxw told anyone who would listen that he used to beat her. In reality, she would attack him and if he held her fists to stop her she would call him an abuser. She tried to press charges and claimed there was a conspiracy with the police because the charges didn't stick (but maybe that was from lack of evidence?  ).

At any rate, he stopped talking to most of his friends because he wasn't sure who believed her. Recently, a few of them made contact with him saying they missed him and wanted to get back in touch. He isolated himself more than maybe he needed to. He must have felt very alone as I sure you must at this time. And with the flying monkeys, a lot of them believed her until they say her true self under the mask. So often she would post on social media how she meets people at parties who hear her name and are like "I heard you were crazy, but you seem so nice." They become friends, then eventually have a falling out once they realize how abusive she is. BPDxw blames SO and her other exes for this. I feel she does this to herself and doesn't even realize it.

So I guess even if all the flying monkey don't get it, some of them will one day. And you will find out who your true friends are. The best thing to do is to not argue with what others are saying. Make your actions speak volumes. If you argue the untrue things that are being said, it usually makes them look true. The people who believe you will reach out. And if it's too much, consider moving. You shouldn't have to deal with this. I couldn't even imagine how stressful this must be for you. I hope things get better. 

[findjoy81]

Well, I can say that in some ways I was a flying monkey for my ex husband.... regarding his ex and mother of his 1st child. He had me hook, line, and sinker and I was doing ALL sorts of work for him making him look good and trying to drag her down.  And now?  Well, she and I chat from time to time.  We're not friendly exactly (too much history on both sides for that), but we aren't enemies. 
I know that my ex is working hard on cultivating his current smear campaign; I have hope that truth will win out in the end, with most of his compatriots at least.  I know his last jobs and workmates saw through him at minimum.   I know his neighbors have ZERO questions why I left (dude is a little wacko, and the neighbors all despise him - and he, them).  So, there's hope.

[Whiteheron]

No happy ending to report here. I can only keep my head down and hope people see through his crazy.

[StayWithMe]

Ironically, most people will tell you that they make up their own mind about someone else ........ oh yeah, but based on what they hear.  I don't have any happy endings either.  there have been times that I thought I was getting along with someone, only for that person to come in contact with a mutual acquaintance and then I don't hear from them anymore. 

I was once mentioning to my husband how hiring managers will just call around and see if any of their contacts know the job candidate and what they might say about them.  My husband told me that I was crazy, NO ONE does that.  Later on, he admitted that a former had called him, someone he did not get along with, and asked about a job seeker who was working fr the same company as my husband.  I asked my husband did you tell him to fuck off.  He said no.

I am now careful of what I say as I know it can be repeated.  I am also careful about which friends I bring together.  I keep an arm's length distance with anyone my mother introduces me to. 

It does seem as if some people are very good at influencing.

[NoVoice357]

Unfortunately, no happy endings to report either.

Ironically, most people will tell you that they make up their own mind about someone else ........ oh yeah, but based on what they hear. 

there have been times that I thought I was getting along with someone, only for that person to come in contact with a mutual acquaintance and then I don't hear from them anymore. 

This has happened to me too. Recently, a good friend of mine started distancing herself from me, although we get along really well. There is mutual NPD acquaintance and I am sure the PD is turning her against me. I do not speak about other people behind their backs and keep all text messages as evidence that I do not mentioned anything about others. But still, it does not help if there is a PD in the group smearing you to a mutual friend or acquaintance.

[bloomie]

me01t - I am not sure if this is a happy ending, but there was some validation. The adult child of dear friends was caught doing some things that are too triggering to detail here while working for us. He was fired and appropriate actions taken to protect others he may come in contact with. He is without a doubt a sociopath.

He was able to convince most of our most dear friend group of terrible mistreatment and false allegations by us. It was incredibly painful to not be able to offer one single solitary word in our own defense due to employment laws in our state - not that we were asked sadly enough, as so many pulled away and grew cold toward us.

In time, the truth was revealed about this person through continued predatory behavior that came to full light of day and an investigation uncovered a web of lies and victims. His behaviors were awful and far reaching and many in this group had sheltered and enabled him buying into his lies and schemes. And they have to live with that.

One woman came to me and apologized in tears for believing him without question and turning against us and repeating the wrong he accused us of to others. She told me her husband was ashamed to have bought into it all as well and she was sure he and many others would be coming to us to acknowledge their part in enabling the smearing of our reputations and the loss of so many friendships.  She is the only one who ever did come to us and I will always appreciate her doing so.

You are in a painful and lonely place and my heart just goes out to you. The thing that kept us steadfast was knowing that who we are and how we have lived our lives has to at some point matter. Others will see and value that and some will not. There is comfort in knowing you have lived with character and that you know the truth. Stay strong and keep coming back here for support. You are not alone.

[NotFooled]

I recently had dinner with an old friend.  He  still believed that the people that where in our old social circle were good people.   
He had recently reached out and called one of them only to be verbally abused.  I let him know that I did not speak to that person anymore.  I think he was kind of shocked but he said he was no longer going to contact them anymore either.   

Eventually other people figure out who the trouble makers are.  The bad news is it can take a long time, in this case years.   

[Penny Lane]

My DH has long been worried that his uPD ex was poisoning other parents at the school against him. And it made him really reluctant to reach out in case they absolutely thought the worst of him. What we found is that, even if she is doing so, it's not impressing other parents. In fact we recently realized there's at least a few couples who actively avoid her. If DH had stayed in his own head and not tried to reach out to those other parents, he never would've realized that.

There will always be people who believe the smear, no questions asked. But there'll be others who eventually start seeing the discrepancies, and who use critical thinking about the smear campaign. And there'll be still others who've had experiences with this or other difficult people, who'll immediately recognize the pattern and take what they say with a huge grain of salt. And you wouldn't necessarily know that unless you talked to them about it.