Back after a while NC question

[Rose1]

Be careful about giving options. The car could "disappear". Nothing in this indicates you're dealing with a rational mind otherwise it would have been sorted 2 years ago.

[mrstring]

If it dissappears then I report it stolen.

[mrstring]

After thinking on what everyone is saying plus yesterday I got a call from a claims adjuster that she got into another accident I have to be more aggressive. I'm trying to be nice about it but I can really get screwed.
I spoke to an attorney yesterday who recommended an investigator. I have to find where she lives then I have to take the car. She may live in it, I don't know. Once I get it I'll have to take her stuff out and sell it for whatever I can get. I'm very scared because she is very unstable but this is my life for now.

[sad_dog_mommy]

Oh my gosh.  I am so sorry.  That call from the claims adjuster must have ruined your day.   Do you have a key to the car?  I mean, legally it is YOUR car so taking it back isn't cruel.  It is self-preservation!  If she were to hurt someone with the car it could potentially ruin your credit and savings.   

In the back of her mind I am sure she knows the time will eventually come when you take the car back.   You have been fair and kind and beyond generous but she is no longer your responsibility.  She has become a liability. 

((( hug )))

[mrstring]

Oh my gosh.  I am so sorry.  That call from the claims adjuster must have ruined your day.   Do you have a key to the car?  I mean, legally it is YOUR car so taking it back isn't cruel.  It is self-preservation!  If she were to hurt someone with the car it could potentially ruin your credit and savings.   

In the back of her mind I am sure she knows the time will eventually come when you take the car back.   You have been fair and kind and beyond generous but she is no longer your responsibility.  She has become a liability. 

((( hug )))

Thank you. I had a very sleepless night for sure. I started thinking of it this way. If I had a teenage daughter and she was driving my car, got into 2 accidents and a parking ticket I would take the car. The problem is with a daughter you can tell her then do it. With my ex if I tell her she may get vindictive and do something worse. Anyhow, thank you all for your support. I am very lucky to be in a now caring relationship and a great family, but you here, aside from being very supportive as well, but you have been there in these type of relationships and have a special way of looking at it. I appreciate this site.

[openskyblue]

If you hire an investigator, you'll likely find her pretty quickly. I'm not sure why the lawyer suggested you sell her belongings. That seems like it might get you in more hot water, as it may be theft of property. You might want to just leave them on the curb where you find the car. Just a suggestion.

The investigator might be able to go with you to retrieve the car. Many times, these investigators are ex-police or have connections with the police department. He/she might be able to get you some help that way, too.

[mrstring]

If you hire an investigator, you'll likely find her pretty quickly. I'm not sure why the lawyer suggested you sell her belongings. That seems like it might get you in more hot water, as it may be theft of property. You might want to just leave them on the curb where you find the car. Just a suggestion.

The investigator might be able to go with you to retrieve the car. Many times, these investigators are ex-police or have connections with the police department. He/she might be able to get you some help that way, too.

Sorry, bad sentence structure. I meant, I may have to take her stuff out so I can sell the car. I plan on boxing it and giving it to her kids or at least give them the chance. I don't want to hurt anyone, even her, but I see no other way.

[pushit]

If you don't want a confrontation with her, what about hiring someone that repossesses cars for banks?  That happens all the time when people default on loans.  The car belongs to you, so someone should be able to go get it for you as long as you can show proof of ownership.

You'd still have to give her belongings back to her, but then you can control the situation and do it on your own terms.  (Maybe give her belongings to one of her kids or something)

Just a thought, since the subject of hiring an investigator came up.

[sad_dog_mommy]

If you don't want a confrontation with her, what about hiring someone that repossesses cars for banks?  That happens all the time when people default on loans.

  Great idea!  Private tow truck companies do repos all the time.

[mrstring]

Thank you both. The problem is finding her. I just had a conversation with my insurance agent. She said when I get the title in my name I can remove my name and put it in her name at that time the agent said they can remove me from her insurance or hers from mine, either way I am clear. Once again the problem is finding her to give her that paperwork. The investigator I spoke to also earlier today said that since she doesn't have a job and may just be renting a room it would be very tough to find her. $500 up front $125 an hour after that.

[openskyblue]

Thank you both. The problem is finding her. I just had a conversation with my insurance agent. She said when I get the title in my name I can remove my name and put it in her name at that time the agent said they can remove me from her insurance or hers from mine, either way I am clear. Once again the problem is finding her to give her that paperwork. The investigator I spoke to also earlier today said that since she doesn't have a job and may just be renting a room it would be very tough to find her. $500 up front $125 an hour after that.

Hate to be a wet blanket, but you can't sign someone onto a car title without their permission and signature. Also, the title then has to get registered with the state.

At this point, if you don't know where she is and she is racking up costs to you and damaging your car, the quickest way to find the car may be to report it as stolen.

[mrstring]

Thank you both. The problem is finding her. I just had a conversation with my insurance agent. She said when I get the title in my name I can remove my name and put it in her name at that time the agent said they can remove me from her insurance or hers from mine, either way I am clear. Once again the problem is finding her to give her that paperwork. The investigator I spoke to also earlier today said that since she doesn't have a job and may just be renting a room it would be very tough to find her. $500 up front $125 an hour after that.

Hate to be a wet blanket, but you can't sign someone onto a car title without their permission and signature. Also, the title then has to get registered with the state.

At this point, if you don't know where she is and she is racking up costs to you and damaging your car, the quickest way to find the car may be to report it as stolen.

I don't know if she takes responsibility or ownership of it but I can release my liability.

[mrstring]

Bluesky, I had a long talk with the DMV. She has to sign off on the odometer and take the title. Then it will get mailed to her to register I believe. The nice woman also said to try to email her or text her a few times. Then that way if she doesn't respond I have it documented and can file a police report, especially with her not responding to the claims agent. Otherwise it may be an issue that she had the car for over two years and I only now noticed it missing.
So you are right about her have to agreeing to it. I fill out a release of liability and do it as a gift.

[mrstring]

So, Title is almost mine. I am thinking of sending a text or email something like this. I can't put "or I will call the police even in a later email or text because supposedly that is extortion"

Hello,

I no longer want ownership of the car. If you want it, I am willing to transfer Title over to you as a gift. If not I will need it back so I can sell it. I will need you to sign the transfer of liability and an address. If you don't want me to know yours perhaps I can put a third party person then you can change later. Please let me know what you decide. Thank you"

[openskyblue]

My recommendation is to  limit the options of where this could go wrong. I would not give her the option of having a third party involved, because that is just one more thing that could slow things down, screw things up.  I would tell her you are willing to give her the car, attach to your email the form she needs to fill out and send to DMV. Once completed, she will need to email back the signed forms so you know she has completed them. I would recommend saying that this has to happen within a time frame, perhaps five business days. Give her a actual deadline by which you need the paperwork back -- on such and such a day by COB. Let her know that if you don't have the the completed forms back to you by the deadline, you will take possession of the car back. Keep it short and sweet.

You are doing a VERY generous thing by giving her the car. No one in my life ever gave me a car, not even my parents!

[mrstring]

My recommendation is to  limit the options of where this could go wrong. I would not give her the option of having a third party involved, because that is just one more thing that could slow things down, screw things up.  I would tell her you are willing to give her the car, attach to your email the form she needs to fill out and send to DMV. Once completed, she will need to email back the signed forms so you know she has completed them. I would recommend saying that this has to happen within a time frame, perhaps five business days. Give her a actual deadline by which you need the paperwork back -- on such and such a day by COB. Let her know that if you don't have the the completed forms back to you by the deadline, you will take possession of the car back. Keep it short and sweet.

You are doing a VERY generous thing by giving her the car. No one in my life ever gave me a car, not even my parents!

Thank you. I like that email idea alot. And yes it's nice but it's the path of least resistance to be honest. The thought of talking to her or seeing her puts my stomach in knots.

[openskyblue]

Good luck! I know this has been a long and hard journey. And you've overcome so much to get where you are.

[mrstring]

Good luck! I know this has been a long and hard journey. And you've overcome so much to get where you are.

Thank you. One last step.

[Rose1]

Absolutely. Time limit , notification includes you by cob Fri say, minimum time to think about it because she already knows what she wants, take car back and follow through. Start finding her now because if the past is anything to go by, she won't answer.
Keep it business.

[mrstring]

Absolutely. Time limit , notification includes you by cob Fri say, minimum time to think about it because she already knows what she wants, take car back and follow through. Start finding her now because if the past is anything to go by, she won't answer.
Keep it business.

I do think about the time limit but in a way it gives her an excuse to procrastinate. If I say what I am going to text/email and then don't hear back from her in about 5 days I can say I have not heard back and therefor assume you don't want the car and will attempting to repossess it. It's tricky.