The interrogations have gotten worse

[Bo-Peep]

Yes, yes and yes. My upph does this all the time, though not as much as he did in the first few years we were together. I believe the term for it is "relationship hyper-vigilance, which is described on this site as"

"When someone's internal world is chaotic and unbalanced, as it is for many Personality Disordered people, they may feel the need to scrutinize others, or analyze things to a point which is beyond what's healthy or balanced. It can verge on invasive if you are the one being put under the magnifying glass."

But I would say that, like almost all of my h's behavior, it doesn't seem like some intentional ploy to control me or even effect my behavior. Even minor changes in my routine or behavior seem to cause him confusion or stress. The questioning seems to be coming from a place of suspicion, like, if I can just change my routine or behavior, what else could I change?

[Associate of Daniel]

My uNPD exH always wants an explanation for the explanation for the explanation...

If I respond it descends into non sensical unproductive circular "conversations", with lots of accusations flung my way.

Thankfully everything is done by email so I can ignore and/or stick to the point. I avoid JADEing.

So often though, I'd love to ask him why he's asking for my view/needs/wants/explanation/reason when he has no intention of accepting what I say.

And I don't bother asking him "why" questions either because he won't answer them anyway.

Sometimes I do, just for documentation purposes.

Otherwise, the less contact with him, the better.

AOD

[safehead]

I deal with this from time to time with my udpdgf and I'm feeling like the only thing I should tell her now is that if she wants to find something bad she's going to find it. She feels insecure and uncertain about my commitment and she needs to find the proof to justify these feelings so she doesn't have to fix them. The burden of fixing them falls onto me. I'm the one doing it. It's been getting really draining. I've thought of some analogies to help her understand, but Idk if I can properly employ them or if they will be very effective.

[MRound]

Safehead—you cant "explain" the situation to a ppd I think—part of the disorder is not being able to escape their own reality or see anything but from their own perspective. You can't really change them, you can only change your responses to them.  If you are lucky, their behavior might improve, but then again it might get worse. This IS life with a ppd. 

[safehead]

Safehead—you cant "explain" the situation to a ppd I think—part of the disorder is not being able to escape their own reality or see anything but from their own perspective. You can't really change them, you can only change your responses to them.  If you are lucky, their behavior might improve, but then again it might get worse. This IS life with a ppd.

Interesting, okay I need to reflect on this for a bit. Take a deeper look at resources.

[1footouttadefog]

Don't under estate that a huge component for a pd is the need for attention and the need to get reaction.

As long as you are responding to the paranoid questions you are being controlled.  You head space is being occupied by the pd person.