"They were willing to lie to protect other family members, but they were not willing to tell the truth to protect me."
This one comment stuck me very clearly as very much the situation my dad and the family he married into put me in that caused me to go no contact. With ALL of them.
In a way, he went no contact with me in that he did not respond to an email that I sent him, letting him know I had enough of the treatment I got over there, and that if he as my father wants a relationship with ME, we could figure it out. Email, phone, etc. That email has now gone unanswered for .... two years? So, that's the answer.
This forum was invaluable for me to find my way through the narc voidscape. I can tell you this decision did not come easily, but I realized that there was no level of contact that was possible with him without toxicity. And toxicity in any amount was what I have said no to, forever. This will not change.
He made his choice, and I made mine. Different choices for VERY different reasons.
I never thought I would be ok with this, but, oddly, I am. I have accepted this as reality. Its not acceptable to treat people the way he and they treated me, but treat me that way they did, and these are simply facts now. I can look on them almost unemotionally because I did sooooooo much work on all of this.
You don't have to be Megan Markle to say enough is enough!! :bigwink:
I'm proud of you for drawing a line in the sand about your father. It is not a simple decision to go NC. You are right, you didn't take the decision, he took it for you. PD parents choose our NC options through their self-sabotaging behavior (pushing us away, hating us, belittling us, making us feel unworthy and unlovable, etc) it is ALL on them!
I've followed Meghan's story. So sad for her but she was brave enough to leave and cut ties too. The difference between us and Meghan is that we don't have the entire planet watching us while we go NC with our FOO.
I agree, this comment was really telling of a dysfunctional family dynamic. I think the Royal Family is as dysfunctional as they come to be honest. There seems to be very little communication or opportunity for growth outside of what they dictate is the proper way of doing things, much like in a family controlled by a toxic parent. I'm in no way alluding that the Queen is toxic in that statement by the way and I think she has always tried her best. I think it's the Royals' advisors and PR team who are the problem.
Quote from: satya2021 on April 19, 2021, 05:06:52 PMI never thought I would be ok with this, but, oddly, I am. I have accepted this as reality. Its not acceptable to treat people the way he and they treated me, but treat me that way they did, and these are simply facts now. I can look on them almost unemotionally because I did sooooooo much work on all of this.
You don't have to be Megan Markle to say enough is enough!! :bigwink:
I'm really glad that you're at a point of acceptance, it's key to healing and moving on I think. It sounds like you did all you could to try to improve the situation but it can't just fall on one person. You can't change toxic families but as an adult you can choose to protect yourself. I doubted my own reality for years and held a lot of shame for being no contact, but I'm a bit more compassionate towards myself nowadays and can see that I was always stuck between a rock and a hard place when it came to my father.
Sadly I am completely not surprised that Megan would not get any support from the royal family. The established system will always favor itself over anyone perceived as an outsider. This is why when people go NC with one family member, we often end up losing the entire family.
It really resonated with me, too.
What Meghan said hits home for me as well. Because i have challenged the social order in my family. As soon as you say, hey, we need to work on things, we're not as perfect as we think we are, they balk. And then they throw all of the dysfunction on the one trying to face the reality. I think the masks are crumbling in my family finally, and the ugly truths are seeping out, and they blame me. What's happening in the royal family is a world phenomena as we all wake up to toxicity and try to heal it, even affecting the Royals.
My wish for them is that if anything, they begin to use this experience for good. They restructure and drop the hierarchy and superiority act, and use all their millions to help this ailing world.