Nobody wants to see their mother nude

[Call Me Cordelia]

I was another one who had no privacy. Mom walked in on me on the toilet up until adulthood. And encouraged me to do the same to her. DH also has a lack of boundaries in this area... I've gotta ask... What is normal between spouses? Is it okay for them to walk in on each other? I'm not talking about sex in the shower, just boring everyday bathroom stuff. I feel like they should be private but am honestly not entirely sure. But then why do they design bathrooms with double sinks? Ah, the things that are so confusing for ACONs.

[appaloosa]

My mother never behaved like this--very conservative. But my father would ALWAYS wander around the house in nothing but his tight whities. He'd come to the breakfast/dinner table like that! I thought it was normal, although gross, at the time. Of course, he also liked to get into bed with me or my sister--in his undies--and 'snuggle'. EWW. We both dreaded it so much.

[FugitiveDaughter]

Cordelia, to answer your question on what is normal between couples. Walking in on each other when you're doing your business in the bathroom? Definitely not normal or ok. When the door is closed, it should remain shut. If you have something urgent which means you really, really have to go to the bathroom when the other person is there (like you're bleeding to death or something of that category), you still knock and ask if it is ok. If the other person is again doing his/her business, you wait and preferably go to another room as to not to disturb the other one. Even if you're bleeding to death.  You can be in the same bathroom if for example the other person is in the shower and has given you a permission to go and fetch a comb there or something like that. Never without permission though.

And the double sinks? I would think it would be possible for both to be washing their face and applying face cream or washing their teeth but that's about as intimate as I want things to be if I'm in the bathroom with my spouse. Ok, so a kiss would be ok perhaps but bodily functions is something we will never, ever share. Both of us are very clear on the rules so there's no problem. It's only my mother who is the problem and luckily she is miles away...

[Andeza]

In reply to CMC and fugitivedaughter, what is normal with spouses? Well we only have one bathroom in our house, so it's not unusual for either me or DH to be showering and the other need to use the restroom. I wish the toilet were in its own cubby, but we just don't have the square footage for that.  However, bathroom etiquette in our house is no peeking around the shower curtain. Beyond that? Only for medical concern reasons should the door ever be open. In the day or two after our DS was born I was extremely weak and quite prone to passing out anytime I got out of bed, so the midwife actually told DH to stay close when I needed to use the restroom so I didn't pass out and crack my skull on the tile. Embarrassing? Well, yeah. But a lot better than stitches in my scalp. It helps that DH has the propensity to be quite clinical anytime there is a medical concern. Oh and the double sinks? For brushing your teeth mostly. We only have the one bathroom and I can't tell you how many times DH has had to go spit and rinse in the kitchen.

This topic brings back extremely unpleasant memories of my uBPDM walking around the house in her short nightgown with no bra, swearing up and down that despite the AC blasting, and ceiling fan on high, it was just too dang hot. She finally stopped popping out of her room totally topless some time in my teens, and of course I am traumatized for life as the image is just gross. And of course, the one time that she shocked me and noticed me looking anywhere other than her face, I was shamed for it as well. It took me a long time to figure out that no, she can't just pop out of her room with no shirt on and it somehow be my fault that she's half naked? Yeah no.

I posted this in the batsh!t thread, but she also expressed excitement and a desire to see me breastfeed my son. I am a modest person, I cover up when other people are around and DS is hungry. He hates it though, tries to kick the blanket off, but oh well. Anyway, I told her there would be nothing to see other than the blanket and she says "Oh, you're one of THOOSSSE women." Wtaf? It was like some kind of accusation and then she protests "But I'm your MOTTTHHHHER!" Meanwhile I'm literally facepalming into the phone and shaking my head saying "Yeah, but it's my boob." I see this as just another sign that she really has NO boundaries whatsoever, and if I want any, I'm going to have to fight to have them. 

[Moxie890]

I posted this in the batsh!t thread, but she also expressed excitement and a desire to see me breastfeed my son.

Oh man, me too. I am not very modest anymore when it comes to breastfeeding, but when my first child was born I expressed to my mom that I would like privacy to feed her. My DD and I were both learning how all that worked and I wanted the quiet bonding time. My mom would walk in anyway, say "I will be quiet" and just sit and watch me. She even went so far as to take a picture! She did ask, but I was so deep in the fog that saying no or defending my boundaries wasn't an option.

As far as spouse bathroom boundaries go, my DH and I are very relaxed. We hold conversations in the bathroom regularly. BUT, as soon as anyone asks for privacy, they get it.