Absolute details in a story

Jsinjin · August 01, 2019, 03:33:54 PM

Here is one behavior that I remembered when I saw someone talking about lies in BPD individuals.
My wife is uOCPD and can not actually distinguish between a story with details left out and what she considers lying. To her any omission, even in the context of an anecdote is a lie and she will stop me or others to correct and give more background. The behavior reminds me of engineers with specific accuracy and attention to details.
An example would be saying one of our kids was born in the afternoon and was about 7 pounds, she will stop the conversation to state 2:43 and 7 lb 3 oz. It's especially bad at my place of work where I speak in front of large groups frequently and have to make the audience more comfortable with abecdotes from my family. If she sees these in youtube and I leave out details I consider not important to the funny story she will become angry. If I say in a social setting "I grew up around Houston" she will interrupt and specifically state that "He is from Alvin" which no one knows but everyone knows Houston. If I ask her about this she is indignant about being truthful. I know one can be a liar in life but one can also simply not care about a level of detail. I have a level of comfort of saying I am from South Texas along the coast and assume that most people know where that is or even saying Houston. I don't feel I am misrepresenting anything but my wife always has and I suspect it's the OCPD that drives her to this level of accuracy and in many cases anger. For her, it's not enough to be committed to truth, every single detail must be 100 percent accurate and every story must bore people to tears with the level of detail.

Just thought I would point that out.

Jsj

11JB68 · August 01, 2019, 09:25:36 PM

Yup.
Except that work my uOCPDh there's often a double standard. He hates lying, but I've seen him lie. He has no patience for my stories, but tells me about his day in excruciating detail every night.

StayWithMe · August 01, 2019, 09:36:41 PM

I hope that you can find a non anti social way to manage that.

It reminds me of my father. There were certain things that he wanted me to say everytime he introduced me to someone such as where I received my degrees; the fact I studies overseas and knew 2 foreign languages. I felt that amount of disclosure was overbearing and would prefer to see how a conversation roll out. Later on, he would be very angry and accuse me of acting all stupid and so on.

He's not living anymore. And I've gotten my mother under control .... she was very much the same.

Whiteheron · August 02, 2019, 06:12:12 PM

Oh my yes. I never pegged stbx as OCD/OCPD, but whenever he saw me talking to someone, he would come over and listen just so that he could correct me. It got to the point where I just wouldn't say a word when he was around. It was so embarrassing. I remember one time he did it when I was telling a story to the kids about when they were babies. stxb interrupted and said "that's not the way it happened, this, that and the other." I replied that yes, I was aware of those details, but they really didn't add much to the main point of the story I was trying to tell. (exciting and in a short amount of time as opposed to boring the kids with mindless details).

His dad (abusive alcoholic, severe PTSD) does this to his mom, so I'm 100% certain this is where he gets it from.

Stillirise · August 02, 2019, 10:48:02 PM

Yes. I routinely get interrupted with extraneous details, or corrections. I’ve also tried to be as accurate and detailed as possible at times, in order to avoid his nitpicking. On those occasions, I’m chastised for talking too much.

He has also been known to try and re-explain to someone what I just told them. I laugh to myself when they say, “She literally just said that.”

Empie2204 · August 03, 2019, 02:13:07 AM

Quote from: 11JB68 on August 01, 2019, 09:25:36 PM
Yup.
Except that work my uOCPDh there's often a double standard. He hates lying, but I've seen him lie. He has no patience for my stories, but tells me about his day in excruciating detail every night.

I know the story. Normal couples usually tell each other how was the day, but with the PD it is usually that their day is important.
When I have experienced (many times) that my days and my problems were nothing and stupidities, I started to withdraw. My withdrawal lasted for years and he never recognized why I did that.

He didn´t like me talking, now he doesn´t like me being far away.

I gave up talking about our conversations because he creates his truth the way it suits him. It´s never the way I remember, it´s always censored and remastered. Both for his and for my words.

1footouttadefog · August 07, 2019, 02:07:11 PM

My pd does this. He is a detail and trivia detailed person and prides himself on his memory of such detsils as if it is natural. In reality he reads the same stuff over and over and makes lists of details ajd rehearses his stories.

He has also become quite the liar.

And ironically he is aging ajd something os changing amd he us becoming unabke to remeber some stuff, usualky more recent stuff. He also seems to confuse stories with each other yet stills likes to pretend he has this super memory.

Its enough to drive those around him insane.

needfixing · August 08, 2019, 08:35:29 PM

Family member who knew exactly the situation told me that aunt so and so was not feeling well. When I called cousins to find out what is going on I was informed great aunt wasn't expected to make it through the night. Family member most likely would have told cousins that she told me about aunt either to get credit for passing the information along or to make me look bad if I didn't show up because. That is just one of many examples.

My lack of getting details was one of my weaknesses and has left me wide open to manipulations, traps, etc. I wonder if it is possible to develop this detailed oriented OCD as a protective measure after a lifetime of being taken advantage of.

The fine print is the most important.

Jsinjin · August 08, 2019, 10:20:50 PM

Never thought of it that way. She does love details like contracts, rules, forms and things like that. I wonder if that behavior helps to make her feel more secure and it bleeds into real life.

Whiteheron · August 09, 2019, 05:34:40 AM

Quote from: Jsinjin on August 08, 2019, 10:20:50 PM
Never thought of it that way. She does love details like contracts, rules, forms and things like that. I wonder if that behavior helps to make her feel more secure and it bleeds into real life.

I believe that's the case with stbx. He is very detail oriented (well, with some things), I think it helps him to feel in control if he knows all the details and can anticipate all the possible outcomes. This way he can plan ahead and is not caught off guard. If he is caught off guard for some unforeseen reason he comes off the rails. I think this is part of the "survival mode" he learned when very young. His need to know everything (even what kids say in T so he can anticipate any potential fallout, then deflect and blame) has become much, much worse as he's aged.