Struggling with it

[kepp81]

I'm pretty sure my ex finacee at least at has narcissistic tendencies. Looking back over the last 7 years and comparing it to the stories here and elsewhere is eye opening and shocking. From the gaslighting, blaming, projection and everything else.

She left in February for a "cooling off" period after several months of intense nasty fights. After a month and a half of leading me on (one day she's more hopeful about our relationship and 7 days later she sees no hope and doesn't see how our relationship could possibly work) she tells me she's rented a house. Oh by the way she scheduled movers for the following day. I was beyond shocked.

I now find myself in the middle of a nasty custody battle over our 2 kids (age 4 and 2). She disappeared for 2 weeks after renting that house, blocked my access to kids' daycare, and refuses to share her new address with me. She keeps our kids from me for weeks at a time and refuses to return texts or phone calls.

I've gone "grey rock" and stuck to just asking about the kids. I briefly spoke to her last Saturday and just had a knot in my stomache the whole time. She did the typical repeating herself when I tried to reason with her about settling this custody case. "It's too late to talk about it" she says. "You made sure of that" she says.

I guess it's my fault that she disappeared with the kids and won't cooperate. My stress level is through the roof and I don't know how much more I can take.

[pushit]

So sorry you're dealing with this.  Sounds like she is doing a lot of crazy things.

Frankly, I think you need to hire a lawyer.  If she's blocked your access to the kids that is parental alienation, and needs to be stopped.  In my state, daycare facilities have to abide by state law and will only stop someone from picking up their child if a protection order is in place.  If you are their legal parent, and no protection order is in place, then you have the same rights that mom has.  (Like I said, those are the laws in my state, educate yourself on your state).

Do what you have to do to protect yourself.  Real world laws are different than PD laws.

[notrightinthehead]

I agree with pushit. You need to get legal advice. Medium chill and grey rock are excellent strategies to protect yourself, but you need to know your rights and your options to have access to your children.

[Liftedfog]

I'm sorry for your pain.  We wait too long to set boundaries and involve lawyers because we are hopeful pds will come to their senses.  But they don't. And you can't negotiate on your own with a terrorist.   She can refuse to communicate with you all she wants but by law she is not allowed to keep the kids from you without a court order.   And no judge will issue one to keep you from your kids.   Hire a lawyer asap.  Nothing will change if you don't and it will only get worse.  I would be concerned about the health and welfare of your children.  No stable mother would do this.  She is obviously unwell.   Your children are relying on you, the stable parent to protect them.  That should be your focus with every decision you make.  Don't cut your pd any slack.  She would throw you under the bus in a heart beat.   Keep your eyes on the prize...your kids.   Nothing else matters.  Please hire a lawyer.