ASPD parent

[Igotthis]

Hey guys,

I was just wondering if there is anyone here who grew up a parent who has sociopathy?

I do not myself but my children's mother is on the severe side of this spectrum, violent and manipulative as they come.

I just need to figure out how to keep them safe. I'm mainly concerned about the psychological abuse. She's admitted to convincing one ex boyfriend to commit suicide, then there were two more who did the same thing (who she denies having any part in) and she also did the same to me early on in our marriage. Spoke to me in ways which made this life sound as it would only get worse and more painful, then reassured me how much better it will be when we leave this this stage, and promised me we'd be together again with out any of the pain. Not realizing at the time the pain was a result of her psychological abuse.

This is my. Number one concern. I was hoping to speak to some people who have been through it that may have any advice about what I can do to protect them and myself.


Thanks so much

[xredshoesx]

i think you may get more info on the co-parenting boards- this part of the forum is more for adult children dealing with PD/ uPD parents.

my mother is most likely a sociopath, undiagnosed.  i will tell you to please do for your kids what my father was not able to do for me and that was FIGHT for me.  ADVOCATE for me. My dad gave up after some very traumatic events that involved one of his other children being killed in a house fire where my mother was a person of interest in the arson investigation.

the person or people that can best help you fight are the legal professionals in your state/ area that are well versed in dad's rights and how parental alienation works.

[Igotthis]

I'm so sorry to hear this how incredibly sad. I'm glad to see you made it out alive. Thanks for the reply, I will fight until dead keeping these kids from going through what I went through.

As you probably know murder isn't at all outside of the realm of possibility with sociopathic parents, so long as she can get away with it and play the victim/distraught mother I know in my heart she could do that to them too. Such a gut retching feeling to know that's the reality.

Early on did your mother's antics with psychological/emotional manipulation and abuse work? I'm assuming, like my wife, she tried everything in her power to take the kids from your father and turn you against him?

Is there any chance you might be willing to chat with me PM? I really would appreciate any help and insight into what I can expect and how I can protect them from her. Truly would mean the world to me. There's not many people who are experienced in dealing with a ASPD woman, especially a mother.

Hey guys,

I was just wondering if there is anyone here who grew up a parent who has sociopathy?

I do not myself but my children's mother is on the severe side of this spectrum, violent and manipulative as they come.

I just need to figure out how to keep them safe. I'm mainly concerned about the psychological abuse. She's admitted to convincing one ex boyfriend to commit suicide, then there were two more who did the same thing (who she denies having any part in) and she also did the same to me early on in our marriage. Spoke to me in ways which made this life sound as it would only get worse and more painful, then reassured me how much better it will be when we leave this this stage, and promised me we'd be together again with out any of the pain. Not realizing at the time the pain was a result of her psychological abuse.

This is my. Number one concern. I was hoping to speak to some people who have been through it that may have any advice about what I can do to protect them and myself.


Thanks so much

[Call Me Cordelia]

Hi, igotthis. My dad is the sociopath. My mother enables and turns a blind eye every time. We went NC with them for good because he threatened to weaponize CPS against us with completely made-up accusations that we had no food in the house, etc. He also tried to set me up to become pregnant as a teenager, which I realized years later, and both my parents had their turn at Munchausen-by-proxy antics. He plays the long game and I have seen him try to "take someone down," years after a perceived offense. He also plays the victim every time.

Not knowing much of the specifics of your situation, am I right in inferring you are in a custody battle at present? I would also defer to the professionals here, as I never fought for custody. But the more you can limit your children's mother's time with them, and the more you are aware of the patterns, the more you can protect them. So generally speaking, educate yourself, keep grounded in reality, get as much help as you possibly can, and don't give up on those kids! This is a long haul, but once you stop living in denial about who she is and what she is capable of (seducing to suicide, OMG!!!) you are on the way.

[xredshoesx]

i was removed from her the first time when i was three.  we never bonded and her parents became my guardians off/ on until i was in 6th grade.  the subject of my father was treated like an emergency if it was thought he was in town where they made me lie down in the car and put a blanket over me tho so she worked it on me via her parents. 

as far as your idea to pm, we don't advise members to PM one another as one of the forum guidelines.

[Igotthis]

Hey Cordelia,

Thank you for the response and thank you for seeing the severity in this.

The whole thing is just so difficult because my ex is just so charismatic and so persuasive. I don't know if all sociopaths are like this but it is so freaking hard to get people to believe me when I tell them she is dangerous. But yea you are correct, in the middle of a custody battle and as I'm sure you guessed an extremely nasty one.

She is trying so hard to completely delete me from these children's lives. She tried very hard to take my life and make it look like it was of natural causes back before we had kids. The abuse I went through was absolutely life changing. I will admit some good came out of it. It pushed me to take a real hard look at myself and make some changes that I hadn't been motivated to tackle before this.

When I say she will do anything to take these kids from me I mean anything. These people see other's especially children as possessions and how dare I even think she'd have to share something she owns with me?

She initially came into court with pictures of injuries on her body she claimed were from me. I never saw the picture but I can assure you she did that to herself. That little move didn't work so now I'm on the edge of my seat trying to prepare for the next thing.

Now that we are no contact I fear she's going to use the children as a vessel now. Since she can't claim I did this or that to her, now I fear she's going to use these poor kids to get what she wants.

The alienation tactics already blew back in her face early on when we first went no contact. Tried saying the children are regressing spending time with me, and that my sons were saying all these things to her and claiming that it must be because I'm encourinf it or trying the make them hate her... in reality we really don't speak of her. My kids need a safe space to not have to deal with our problems. I know in my heart that she's psychologically toying with them and I can't imagine how awful that must feel for two young boys to have to go through that. So I only talk about her if they ask or bring her up and I'll just roll with the questions or conversation in a positive and encouraging demeanor.

Anyways the GAL (advocate/attorney for the children) responded to her saying that the type of behavior she's mentioning is usually indicative of blowback to the parent who is disparaging the other parent. It was so encouraging to see she caught on to that, and didn't take my wife's accusations at face value.

Hi, igotthis. My dad is the sociopath. My mother enables and turns a blind eye every time. We went NC with them for good because he threatened to weaponize CPS against us with completely made-up accusations that we had no food in the house, etc. He also tried to set me up to become pregnant as a teenager, which I realized years later, and both my parents had their turn at Munchausen-by-proxy antics. He plays the long game and I have seen him try to "take someone down," years after a perceived offense. He also plays the victim every time.

Not knowing much of the specifics of your situation, am I right in inferring you are in a custody battle at present? I would also defer to the professionals here, as I never fought for custody. But the more you can limit your children's mother's time with them, and the more you are aware of the patterns, the more you can protect them. So generally speaking, educate yourself, keep grounded in reality, get as much help as you possibly can, and don't give up on those kids! This is a long haul, but once you stop living in denial about who she is and what she is capable of (seducing to suicide, OMG!!!) you are on the way.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Wow. You and your boys will be in my thoughts and prayers. It's very encouraging you have a GAL who seems as if she has your ex-wife's number. And that her faking injuries from you didn't gain her any traction. That kind of perjury cannot help her cause. Even though you say she's charismatic, there are some who have been around the block.

As far as getting people in general to believe it about who your ex/my father really is, I have learned that people are going to have to come to their own conclusions. Similar to how you talk about her (or not) to your boys. It's a mind-bending truth, naturally it's hard to believe until you have no choice but to see it yourself. You had children together after she apparently attempted to murder you, so yeah it obviously can and does take a lot to accept the upside-down reality that there really are sociopathic people and someone you thought you knew is one of them. Fortunately, the further we can distance ourselves through NC and time, the less impact these people are going to be able to have on us and the less we will feel the need to prove it or justify our choices. Easy for me to say, seven years out when after months of harassment I only had to send a cease and desist to get my father out of my life. I won't minimize the fact that you are in a really hard battle. But truly, I think you would be wise to save your energy to fight it where it really matters. If what you say is true, this is life-defining for your sons. Eyes on the prize, friend. I'm glad you found us and I hope you have IRL support as well.

[Igotthis]

No need to explain you are not minimizing anything by expressing what you've been through. I couldn't imagine my parents are my world my rock. When I get down on myself about this life and what it's came to, I remind myself: if this feels awful for me, just imagine being born into this nightmare. If I think it's bad being married to a sociopath just imagine that being your parent. The person that brought you into this life and is supposed to be there to protect you from this scary world, imagine that person being scarier than all the rest of this world....

Trust me you're not minimizing anything and I feel for you as my children are you, how many years ago. The fact you're here today and have the awareness of who he is gives me hope that my children too can make it through this. Thank you.

Just to clarify the only reason I'm so hell bent on proving who she is and what she's done, is because it is related to the safety of my children. If I can't prove that there's more to her than this picture perfect single mother, then I risk loosing time  with them to her. If I'm not there to show them they have a safe here place to escape that psychological prison then I worry they will loose hope and be more effected by this than they have to be.

3 suicides. That's her running count. She only opened up to the one. She was obsessed with all three though. All ex boyfriends. While reminiscing about the first one, I asked her if she said something to him that pushed him over the edge? She just said "some people are ready to die they just need a little motivation.

This is my concern. As much as I know she capable of hurting people or animals physically I know she would never do something that she couldn't get away with. That's why I'm so concerned with the psychological and emotional abuse tactics. It's absolutely devastating for me to have to think like this but I dont do my family any good by pretending life's a bowl of cherries. So if you have any advice on how to keep your children safe from something like that I would greatly appreciate you sharing it.

Like you said these people are patient, and experts in the long-con. As long as the absolutely ruin you in the end they don't care about how long the process takes.

Wow. You and your boys will be in my thoughts and prayers. It's very encouraging you have a GAL who seems as if she has your ex-wife's number. And that her faking injuries from you didn't gain her any traction. That kind of perjury cannot help her cause. Even though you say she's charismatic, there are some who have been around the block.

As far as getting people in general to believe it about who your ex/my father really is, I have learned that people are going to have to come to their own conclusions. Similar to how you talk about her (or not) to your boys. It's a mind-bending truth, naturally it's hard to believe until you have no choice but to see it yourself. You had children together after she apparently attempted to murder you, so yeah it obviously can and does take a lot to accept the upside-down reality that there really are sociopathic people and someone you thought you knew is one of them. Fortunately, the further we can distance ourselves through NC and time, the less impact these people are going to be able to have on us and the less we will feel the need to prove it or justify our choices. Easy for me to say, seven years out when after months of harassment I only had to send a cease and desist to get my father out of my life. I won't minimize the fact that you are in a really hard battle. But truly, I think you would be wise to save your energy to fight it where it really matters. If what you say is true, this is life-defining for your sons. Eyes on the prize, friend. I'm glad you found us and I hope you have IRL support as well.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Yes, exactly, prove it to the people who have the power to decide their safety. The rest just don't matter. You don't have to pretend. I mean, you're going through a nasty and prolonged custody fight, how bowl of cherries can that be? But all I'm saying is be smart and spend your energy where it matters most. I think that's how you best protect them. By focusing on what you need to do, and in outside relationships just be manifestly normal and stable and be a good dad. Good people will notice that about you and it will say more for your character than anything you could say in self-defense against whatever your ex might try to slander you with. I hope that helps.