Narcissists Researching Narcissists

[j.banquo]

Had an interesting interaction with my UPD and covert narcissist mother this evening.

We were discussion a friend of mine, who is absolutely a narcissist. She said they reminded her of my sister's ex-husband, and she knew about how to spot narcissists because she researched narcissism when they were getting divorced, and laid out all these traits of overt narcissists that were dead accurate.

I know that lack of insight is a hallmark of NPD, but it got me wondering if anyone else has encountered this, when a narcissist spots a narcissist but cannot see it in themselves.

[LemonLime]

yep.  My uPD sibling was just the other day describing in detail how an acquaintance of hers is narcissistic and uses projection and gaslighting, etc.
If you didn't know my sib and her own narc rages, you'd think she was an expert on narcs.
Well, I guess she is.  She just can't see that she is one herself.

I hear you.

[sunshine702]

My possible Narc mother in law saw Doctor Ramani's new book sitting by my keys as she snooped abound a bit.  She read the title and immediately got this disgusted look.  I think they know discussions of Narcs are a big cultural zeitgeist but no they think EVERYONE else is the problem.... Never ever them.

I also notice my BPD now ex Psych Student can not seem to grab Narcissism and often uses it dead wrong - saying I am the Narc.  I have to explain over and over that no I have empathy - that I may be into fancy things from time to time but that does not make me a Narc.  I really see a psychological blind spot there because more and more I see his mom JUST like my mom.  Only I recognized it he has not.

[SeaBreeze]

I notice the uNPDs in my life often have not liked each other. Perhaps because they saw each other as competition for my attention. Though I will say my late uNPD mother could be protective of me against other toxic people; like, she recognized them for what they were, but also only she was allowed to abuse me? But looking back, she was indeed right about certain friends, boyfriends, and both my husbands being toxic and bad for me. She was my ultimate Narc Detector. Lol sigh

When stbx uNPDh first started isolating me, he identified the toxic friends first, the ones I knew weren't good to have in my life, so it was easy to agree with him that I shouldn't associate with them anymore. But then, after he sorted the bad apples out, he started in on the good apples in the basket as well...

As for PD ex-in-laws from my first marriage -- before I finally cut them out of my life for good, I kept tabs on social media until DD turned 18 so I would know where they were and what they were up to. I saw my scapegoat ex-SIL posting memes on social media about narcissism. Mainly in regard to an abusive ex-spouse of hers, but I know from past private convos she recognized her mother's PD. Well wouldn't ya know, ex-MIL was reposting the same memes! Including one about projection, which literally made me LOL. 

But on a serious note, yes, I believe Narcs recognize each other, better than we nons perhaps can. In the wild, predators compete for prey, but they also often avoid each other. Like marking their territory. As with my Narc Detecting narc mother, strangely we nons might want to pay attention to who pings our PD's radars?

[j.banquo]

I notice the uNPDs in my life often have not liked each other. Perhaps because they saw each other as competition for my attention. Though I will say my late uNPD mother could be protective of me against other toxic people; like, she recognized them for what they were, but also only she was allowed to abuse me? But looking back, she was indeed right about certain friends, boyfriends, and both my husbands being toxic and bad for me. She was my ultimate Narc Detector. Lol sigh

This is absolutely right... is this why my sister dislikes my mother so much? She always positioned herself as good, and my mother a bad person, and it was us against her, but omg they are both terrifying, and even ganged up to make me homeless...

But on a serious note, yes, I believe Narcs recognize each other, better than we nons perhaps can. In the wild, predators compete for prey, but they also often avoid each other. Like marking their territory. As with my Narc Detecting narc mother, strangely we nons might want to pay attention to who pings our PD's radars?

I have a friend with BPD, who accepts her diagnosis and has gotten treatment, and she is very helpful with spotting manipulative people!

[sunshine702]

Oh wow yes.  I also have a story about Narcs seeing other Narcs immediately.

So I had this Narc Fiancé once.  I was in the process of divorce and bought my mom fully out of our shared vacation home and moved into it with him. Narc injury. But it had to happen - either they bought me out which they would not or I bought them out I could not do 1.5 houses anymore so I listed and sold my 1 and moved into the .5 with him.

My parents "came to visit"! And immediately tried to find fault with what we had done to it.
My enabling dad barreled in the backyard and nastily said YOU NEED TO CUT THIS TREE TIE OFF IT WILL KiLL IT.

My fiancé at the time very calmly but firmly said NO.  Nothing more just No. Boy did that feel GOOD for me!

I have never seen them so upset.  Yes Only THEY get to control/abuse/manipulate you.

This is an interesting thread!

[sunshine702]

I notice the uNPDs in my life often have not liked each other. Perhaps because they saw each other as competition for my attention. Though I will say my late uNPD mother could be protective of me against other toxic people; like, she recognized them for what they were, but also only she was allowed to abuse me? But looking back, she was indeed right about certain friends, boyfriends, and both my husbands being toxic and bad for me. She was my ultimate Narc Detector. Lol sigh

When stbx uNPDh first started isolating me, he identified the toxic friends first, the ones I knew weren't good to have in my life, so it was easy to agree with him that I shouldn't associate with them anymore. But then, after he sorted the bad apples out, he started in on the good apples in the basket as well...

As for PD ex-in-laws from my first marriage -- before I finally cut them out of my life for good, I kept tabs on social media until DD turned 18 so I would know where they were and what they were up to. I saw my scapegoat ex-SIL posting memes on social media about narcissism. Mainly in regard to an abusive ex-spouse of hers, but I know from past private convos she recognized her mother's PD. Well wouldn't ya know, ex-MIL was reposting the same memes! Including one about projection, which literally made me LOL. 

But on a serious note, yes, I believe Narcs recognize each other, better than we nons perhaps can. In the wild, predators compete for prey, but they also often avoid each other. Like marking their territory. As with my Narc Detecting narc mother, strangely we nons might want to pay attention to who pings our PD's radars?

So my Narc mom is giving me gifts ( I needed a warmer comforter)  this only came though to stick it to my Ex and his family.  Had I asked for it and not left I would not have gotten it.  Same as the lip balms she claimed she did not have any but they came when she wanted the wood Christmas ornaments to go to Golden Child's new family. Narc transactions.  I see it

[Invisiblewoman]

My late uNPD mother used to armchair diagnose me.

It was odd because she would label the most minute and inoffensive behaviour as self centred.

I accidentally almost picked out the wrong beer for her and she pointed out how I only go after what I like. I wasn't even intent on drinking the beer.

She of course would never tell me this directly but to third parties in front of me like I wasn't there.

I think it's how she tried to control me.

The things she did that earned her a label of narcissistic were sadistic and awful.

Couldn't recognize the ugly nose on her face, but would harp at the smallest traits in others.

I think this is a square on the narcissistic bingo card.