Smiling Accusations of Doing Things Wrong

[j.banquo]

This week, I've been accused of sitting on the couch wrong, told I'm sitting on it in a different way from how my mother does and it's squishing the cushions, and I need to fix it.

Last night I poured the wine wrong. It was too much, and not what they would do in a restaurant. Then she admits she'd drink that much anyway. This morning I'm told she didn't sleep well because she drank too much wine, because I poured her too much wine.

I feel like I pushed back adequately in both cases, but it feels like I'm being torn down to size.

Does anyone else experience someone telling them, with a smile on their face and gently, that they are doing things wrong that... simply can't be done wrong?

[moglow]

Pushing back never helped with mine, she just kept pushing seemingly trying to get any response so she could justify hers. I believe that someone who wants to be mad and complain will always find something. 

She can pour her own wine.

[sunshine702]

Pouring wine wrong.  I can actually speak to this well.  In fine dining you pour exactly 4 to 5 ounces measured out in a small carafe.  This is because of the glass and the nose (smell of the wine) and the establishment cost each bottle is 4. 5 glasses.  Two and a half each guest. IT HAS TO DO WITH THE COST/ PROFIT for the restaurant mostly.

At home with a non $200 bottle of Opus One or 1st growth Bordeaux — It's whatever you like and want!  She's being critical to be critical.

Ask her the Brix level on those grapes to shut her up.  She will have no idea what you are talking about -  it's the sugar level btw.

First rule of personality disorder.  Everything you do is wrong they know it ALL. 

[sunshine702]

Yeah I have found Defending myself even with proper information completely unhelpful.  They know ALL.  You are wrong and bad about really stupid stuff.

Just don't internalize it.  Lots of people do and start getting a complex about pouring wine or other small things they have been criticized about.

YOU ARE NOT WRONG SHE IS BEING DIfFICULT YET AGAIN TO SHOW DOMINANCE.

[sunshine702]

So my partner and I KNOW wine .
He is a second level sommelier and I am a wineo lol.

I have noticed my mom and dad were completely against wine at dinner when we went out two years ago.  At first they tried to couch it as NOT PAYING FOR IT — um ok we planned to that is fine. But your post made me realize it is they are not EXPERT in something and that BOTHERS them.   Hmm 🤔

[Rebel13]

These are the behaviors that the non-apology "I'm sorry you feel that way" was made for.