Moving on

[Roza]

I have been going to therapy.  I have been journaling everyday.  I have been feeling a little better.  I am trying to treat myself the way the little me would want to be treated. I have been trying to accept that my Narc mother was not capable of loving me. I know this is going to get harder and harder.  My siblings are Narc too. They want me to stay the way I was, a doormat that they could use me and never apologize for the way they treat me. I finally stood up for myself and they jumped me. They made sure to make me feel small and weak. I will accept this treatment of me anymore. Why do they want to hurt me? I am the oldest and I propected them from our mother. I was the scapegoat and they were the favorites of both parents. My narc mother was to into one sibling that the sibling was allowed to do anything without consequences. She is so full of herself that she continues to lie and I so want to prove her wrong,  but I also don't want to be like her, that is not me. But I really want to see her get what she deserves. I just needed to vent, thank you.

[notrightinthehead]

As they say - the best revenge is to have a good life.  You are working on making a good life for yourself.

[PeanutButter]

Hi roza. Im so happy that you are taking such good care of yourself! You deserve the best of everything!! I think it is wonderful that you are nurturing your inner 'little roza'. The boundaries you have created are protecting you and her from further abuse. IME
Roza I too struggle with 'why' people have been so hurtful to me. Especially when I try to be good to them. I also wish I could witness my abusers 'get what they have coming,' IMO This is perfectly normal. I would not take any action towards this outcome. Its just passing thoughts.
I really believe that my reward is the joy, love, and contentment I am able to experience now in my life. I dont think my abusers will ever have that unless they have an awakening of self awareness. Maybe that is their punishment; their prison.