Out of the FOG old faithful dropping by

[2nice]

Hi lovely people old and new!

I make a point of dropping by here every so often in my life.

To encourage you that you can go through the hell of making it out.

This site helped me in so many ways.

I was in a domestic violence situation with a person with a PD

I went back 7 times over ten years. Had 2 babies too

I finally got free. I am now 5 years free!!

My reflections for myself and the things I learnt:

1. I was the one keeping myself there. I was the one who could take myself out

2. I had to rely on logic and not emotion to decide to leave. It doesn't matter if I felt good or bad about him at any given time. That was irrelevant. The importance was the behaviour was not right

3. My kids were suffering seeing it all

4. I was getting older and too many years given to men for little in return

5. I learnt to say no to his asking for money for alcohol and gambling

6. I let him be responsible for his own downfalls. No more taking him in when he became homeless again

7. I learnt to be alone. Oh that was the hard one. Took a few years but in the end I loved it

I understand how scary it is to make the jump. It feels like jumping off a cliff

And there are risks. I had a police escort to police station when I left

My little boy falling asleep on my knee in the police office. Me thinking what had my life come to

However this is not a sad tale.

Don't ever think you can't do it

And yes he will have a bleeding heart story. But you don't have to pay for it with your life

And yes there will be some good times but in the end they feel like the saccharine version of sugar. Sweet but have a weird tinge to it

Meanwhile you look in the mirror and see life leaving your body bit by bit as nobody can live with that for too long.

I chose me and my kids.

You can too!

[Poison Ivy]

Thank you, and I'm glad you're doing well!

[notrightinthehead]

I remember you. Wonderful that you are doing well. I am 5 years out too, and yes, I feel lonely sometimes but never as desperately as I did in my marriage.
It's important to give hope and support to those who are at the beginning of this journey.

[SonofThunder]

A huge hello to you 2nice! 

Lovely to see your screen name again!  What an uplifting post and great timing as well, as there is another comrade here who took that same huge, brave leap today!  You dropping back in for an update is an inspirational treat.  Im going to tip my hat and raise my glass tonight to all the brave Out of the FOG hero's.  Cheers you all!  🍻

SoT

[2nice]

Thanks all your names are familiar too! We all need each other on the journey. It made a massive difference to me.

I will always return to my Out of the FOG family xxx

[escapingman]

What an inspiration, thanks for dropping by.

I took the jump almost exactly a year ago and have been no contact except some court hearings and emails about the house sale. It has been a hard year, really hard, but it has been worth it. Leaving an abusive person is the best thing anyone can do, me included.

[losingmyself]

I really needed to read this today, as I just took the leap yesterday.
The most difficult part for me right now is the guilt. I have to teach myself that I am not supposed to be responsible for another adult.
Thank you for stopping by  to check in with your Out of the FOG family

[2nice]

Thanks all. Losing myself you may feel a bit of shock for a while and your brain might try to trick you that it wasn't as bad as it seems. But go back and read your posts. It's a great reminder! You chose you! Celebrate every day they turn over so fast you will be encouraging others soon too!!

[Catothecat]

I left this site for awhile then came back (under a different user name as the old one was too "personal") because I can only express my gratitude towards folks like you with maybe an occasional comment here and there, a little show of support and understanding, but not to the extent it really conveys how much help this site gave to me.  There just aren't words.

I spent years confused over what happened in my first marriage and in several subsequent disastrous relationships, never understanding the role PDs played in these relationships.  I tended to blame myself, to think it was mostly about me.  Coming here was an eye-opener.  For the first time I heard folks talking about what happened to them as if they were talking about what happened to me.  I couldn't believe it.  I tended to think what happened to me was somehow unique and not transferrable, only to read accounts as if i was reading back pieces of my own life. 

Now, it can be hard to go back to that "pre-fog" place and understand my lack of understanding.  Almost as if it happened to someone else.  Taking steps away from that former life and way of thinking can't easily (perhaps if at all) be accomplished without some guidance along the way.  Therapists weren't really helping.  This site, and folks like you, 2nice, DID.

Thank you!

[losingmyself]

 

[StartingHealing]

 

Hi lovely people old and new!

I make a point of dropping by here every so often in my life.

To encourage you that you can go through the hell of making it out.

This site helped me in so many ways.

I was in a domestic violence situation with a person with a PD

I went back 7 times over ten years. Had 2 babies too

I finally got free. I am now 5 years free!!

My reflections for myself and the things I learnt:

1. I was the one keeping myself there. I was the one who could take myself out

2. I had to rely on logic and not emotion to decide to leave. It doesn't matter if I felt good or bad about him at any given time. That was irrelevant. The importance was the behaviour was not right

3. My kids were suffering seeing it all

4. I was getting older and too many years given to men for little in return

5. I learnt to say no to his asking for money for alcohol and gambling

6. I let him be responsible for his own downfalls. No more taking him in when he became homeless again

7. I learnt to be alone. Oh that was the hard one. Took a few years but in the end I loved it

I understand how scary it is to make the jump. It feels like jumping off a cliff

And there are risks. I had a police escort to police station when I left

My little boy falling asleep on my knee in the police office. Me thinking what had my life come to

However this is not a sad tale.

Don't ever think you can't do it

And yes he will have a bleeding heart story. But you don't have to pay for it with your life

And yes there will be some good times but in the end they feel like the saccharine version of sugar. Sweet but have a weird tinge to it

Meanwhile you look in the mirror and see life leaving your body bit by bit as nobody can live with that for too long.

I chose me and my kids.

You can too!

[Boat Babe]

So good to hear your story and such useful info for those of us at the beginning of their journey Out of the FOG. Really happy for you.