Nov 2023

[StartingHealing]

Hello to all the brave souls here.

Whew, what a emotional roller coaster.  marital residence sold on the 9th, cash sale, the person that bought it is giving me time to find a rental (which I have done, signed the lease for a year yesterday) and I'm putting things in the truck to get them over to the new to me place. 

What has surprised me is the amount of emotions that I'm currently experiencing all at once.  Hopeful, excited, a touch nervous, sad, angry, grieving, pissed off,

Damn it. I put blood, sweat and tears into so much, oh so much, and while I'll be carrying the lessons forward, it still hurts.

Figure that this is typical for the folks that are going through / have gone through the same crap that I have.

Blessings to all here.

[SonofThunder]

Hello to all the brave souls here.

Whew, what a emotional roller coaster.  marital residence sold on the 9th, cash sale, the person that bought it is giving me time to find a rental (which I have done, signed the lease for a year yesterday) and I'm putting things in the truck to get them over to the new to me place. 

What has surprised me is the amount of emotions that I'm currently experiencing all at once.  Hopeful, excited, a touch nervous, sad, angry, grieving, pissed off,

Damn it. I put blood, sweat and tears into so much, oh so much, and while I'll be carrying the lessons forward, it still hurts.

Figure that this is typical for the folks that are going through / have gone through the same crap that I have.

Blessings to all here.

Hi StartingHealimg,

Thanks for the update!  I also know those emotions well, alongside you.  You are not alone in those feelings.

SoT

[escapingman]

Great news on your new chapter, although I understand all feelings you describe.

I moved out of the marital home in the summer, and I have got into a freeze mode and gone through every emotion you describe. But I have spent a lot on healing, it's hard but things get better. I didn't reply to uNPDxw last request and I think she has stopped speaking to me, which isn't difficult as I am NC/VLC with her. But the no drama, living somewhere else is bliss.

Good luck in your rental, one thing you can now for sure is that you will have peace. 

[losingmyself]

Congratulations on the sale of your house, and the opening of a new chapter! Like many here, those feelings are normal.  I find it healthy to cry and yell, swear, cry, anything I feel. Then I decide he doesn't deserve my tears.
I signed my mortgage yesterday,  so the house is mine again. It's a very good feeling!
Happy Thanksgiving to you, however you celebrate! We all have so much to be thankful for. I will be giving thanks for finding this site.

[StartingHealing]

Nov, 27th

What a magnificent change for the better! Final load moved and walk through happened on the 25th and all keys were given to the new owner.  He went over and above and provided me so much help in navigating the legal mess that the former spouse created. Seriously, without his assistance I would have been SOL.  I didn't observe T-day as I was busy moving. the former marital residence is on the outskirts of a major metropolitan area and I intentionally chose to move further towards the center of it.

Friday was the first night sleeping in the new space. What an amazing difference. I realized that there had been some concerns going on in the back of my head while I was in the former residence. That the former spouse could do or have a flying monkey do the following: a drive-by, setting fire to the residence, tossing poisoned meat over the backyard fence in a attempt to kill my doggo. Those were the biggies.  With those concerns gone, Sat morning, was like I finally obtained some restorative rest. Even with the muscle aches, bruise pains, foot sore,  my emotional state and mental clarity was sooooo much better.. Significant enough that I noticed it even before coffee. Which is saying something.

In my rental, the back alley is controlled access. yep, locked gates. Both ends.  Since it's a rental my name doesn't show up on the real estate owners list of the county which is publicly available. the neighborhood I'm in is quiet.  it's actually quieter being a stones throw away from a major thoroughfare than the former neighborhood which was about 1/8 mile away from any streets.  Went incognito as far as the former spouse goes. Not quite complete yet.  Still need to get new email addresses and then new mobile # and carrier. 

perhaps it's my attitude, or vibe that I'm putting off but damn, the people in the location I'm at have such a decent attitude.  I have had more strangers bid me a "good morning" "have a nice day" "please" "thank-you" "excuse me please" "good evening" than a year at the old location.  AND the restaurant staff actually seem like they are good with you being there.   

As I have been and continue to remain in contact with the person that bought the former residence, he has shared some of what he has dealt with in regards to communication with the former spouse.  Holy sh-t!  Her behavior has gotten more severe.  She has done phone calls and texts demanding personal items that supposedly she never received.  Which is typical for her.  She conveniently "forgot" that most items was disposed of by her when she was splitting in regards to Uncles/Aunts/ a solitary brother.  She is also "supposedly" living in a tent and yet was demanding the appliances from the residence.     The buyer isn't someone that is in a position where she can bully him.  he isn't a big fish in a small pond. He is a orca pod leader in the ocean.  She's the sardine in the ocean. yet she doesn't see that. 

Ah well.  As the saying goes f around and find out.  Would be interesting to be a fly on the wall when the former spouse finds out.

Wishing all here all the best.

[StartingHealing]

Hello to all the brave souls here.

Whew, what a emotional roller coaster.  marital residence sold on the 9th, cash sale, the person that bought it is giving me time to find a rental (which I have done, signed the lease for a year yesterday) and I'm putting things in the truck to get them over to the new to me place. 

What has surprised me is the amount of emotions that I'm currently experiencing all at once.  Hopeful, excited, a touch nervous, sad, angry, grieving, pissed off,

Damn it. I put blood, sweat and tears into so much, oh so much, and while I'll be carrying the lessons forward, it still hurts.

Figure that this is typical for the folks that are going through / have gone through the same crap that I have.

Blessings to all here.

Hi StartingHealimg,

Thanks for the update!  I also know those emotions well, alongside you.  You are not alone in those feelings.

SoT

Thank you SoT.

[Poison Ivy]

This is great! Thank you for sharing.

[StartingHealing]

Thank you for sharing this update! It all sounds perfectly normal...glad you are still posting and moving forward!

Thank you user.  Yes, normal. No drama, no settling someone out over an imagined slight. Peace. Wonderful peace.

[StartingHealing]

Great news on your new chapter, although I understand all feelings you describe.

I moved out of the marital home in the summer, and I have got into a freeze mode and gone through every emotion you describe. But I have spent a lot on healing, it's hard but things get better. I didn't reply to uNPDxw last request and I think she has stopped speaking to me, which isn't difficult as I am NC/VLC with her. But the no drama, living somewhere else is bliss.

Good luck in your rental, one thing you can now for sure is that you will have peace. 

em, it's so nice. I feel safer here, with more people around than I did at the other place.  My doggo has settled in, mission critical has been taken care of. and by Jove this year I have found myself enjoying the holiday decorations.  Been a long time since that happened previously.

[StartingHealing]

This is great! Thank you for sharing.

You are most welcome Ivy.  I thought would be good for folks to see that there is a much better place once clear of the disordered folks.

[square]

Damn, you are slam dunking this.

[StartingHealing]

Damn, you are slam dunking this.

Things are indeed putting along. Accomplished more in the new place, have a area set up for computer / office / writing and to display some of the drums I made.  Been going through the stuff I moved and have been led to either throw away or donate even more stuff.  This time it's been mainly things from the past that I have kept because of their use as a touchstone of things that I have achieved in the past.  Now, since there isn't a chaos generating, toxicity spewing, walking black hole around, I can let the items go to those who will find better use of the items.  Not to mention, since this is a complete reboot in my estimation, what do I want to do?  Where would I like to put my attention toward?  At the moment, it would be good I reckon to explore more of my creative side.  Not to monetize anything, just because I enjoy it.  Yes, there still is the daily things for living and since I'm not independently wealthy (yet) (I play a lotto a couple a times a month now. Somebody wins the thing. Can't win if you don't play) there is work etc.  Yet, I do believe getting more creative would do myself a world of good.

Wishing all here, all the best

[square]

Another kickass update. Putting it into my own mental file for the future.

[StartingHealing]

Another kickass update. Putting it into my own mental file for the future.

square,

My creativity had been 'restrained' for quite some time as the emotional storms coming at me, due to jealousy and who the F knows from the former spouse.  Growing up and most jobs were such that hand / eye coordination and problem solving were part and parcel of it.  I know that there are some that do not think that problem solving is creativity but in my estimation it is. 
Not to far of a jump from problem solving to creating in my estimation. 

Now I am engaged in a hobby that doing while the former spouse was around would have been extremely problematic at the best.  Photography. with 35mm film. yep, using a song lyric "I'm going forward in reverse" chuckle.  have 35mm camera's, mechanical ones, and I'm getting there I think.  I'm developing my "eye" which when I'm looking for something to take a picture of, it's meditative to me. I have heard of some that use photography as their meditation practice and they report that it helps with PTSD-CPTSD as to "see" and capture an interesting image, outdoors that is, the light is always changing, the tree or flower or _______ is always changing one has to be in the moment. and since meditation is .. focused attention, it's like what I have come to understand about the universe. there is an elegance, a simple perfection, in creativity, in a solution to an issue. As a mentor of mind has said, small input = enormous output.

I've found a lab that still develops analog film, looking for one a bit closer to home as the lab I found is about 3 days worth of regular mail travel time just getting there. They do make prints and do scans of the photos into a drop box type application. I like having the prints. Something real, tangible, and I also get the negatives returned as well. It's a cool thought to me that as long as I have those negatives.. I can get / make as many prints as I want from them. I could set up my own darkroom and get to a point where I'm developing film and making my own prints, whatever finished size I want. 

Some of the pictures I have taken, there are a couple that would look good in a 11X16 or larger format.

Time for another cuppa, and then to prep for a morning constitutional with my doggo.  I do that daily before work. Not a real long walk, an hour to hour and a half. Anywhere from 3/4 mile up as far as total distance.

Wishing you all the best

[square]

That all sounds really great. Wishing you the best in your creative ventures.

Agreed that problem solving is creative.

I'm looking forward to having projects in my future.