What is the obsession with being right or wrong??

[Matilda]

Or winning or losing??

Every conversation with him no matter the intention, is not an attempt to reach understanding but he feels like I'm trying to say he's WRONG about something. And when I ask a question he can't answer without admitting what he's done, he just yells "fine. You're right. I'm wrong. As always. Are you happy now? Did you have an orgasm because I said you were right?"

No matter my approach or timing or topic. It's a battle to be won or lost. To be right or wrong. Never to say "I see where you're coming from". What is that from???

He makes "digs" at me all the time that he calls "jokes".

So the other day I'm working )I work remotely) and he comes home from work. Takes the dog out and parks on the couch. I get up to FINALLY eat something (it's 2p) he asks me to throw away his plate from his own lunch, asks me to open the door on the console so he can play video games. While I'm making me own lunch he says, "can you feed the dog while you're up?" Then "can you get me a water with one of those flavor cubes in it?"  And I quipped, "wow. You are really committed to not getting off the couch for the rest of the night". It was bitter cold, he works outside, he works hard. He asked me to do a bunch of things for him while I was up, I didn't mind because I was up, but I said something that was intended as a light hearted ribbing. He immediately got pissy and said "Nevermind. I'll get the water myself. Don't worry about it. Wouldn't want to bother you". Response was completely out of line for the comment. Over the top. He took it like I was criticizing him. Which is how he takes EVERYTHING I say. I would NEVER be that snarky, even if I intended to be. I'm the type who slow boils and holds it in. HE is the one who would say that and MEAN to imply I was "lazy".

I can't stand to be around him when he's like that. And of course if I say something, he says "of course. I read it wrong. It's my fault. It's never your fault".

I thought the things he said to me could not stun me into silence anymore but seriously, I was just stunned by the whole interaction. I walk away and stew about it and he goes on like nothing. Then gets angry if I don't.

Absolute crazy-making.

[SonofThunder]

Hello Matilda,

First, a warm welcome to Out of the FOG 😊.  Its a pleasure to have you join us along the trail of PD experiences in which we all walk together.

Im sorry you are experiencing the traits you describe with you partner.  As a newcomer, I want to point you to the toolbox tab in the upper right portion of the website page.  I recommend you pitch a tent there and absorb the information provided.  In addition, you may desire to peruse the personality disorders tab, as Im certain you will find the trait term(s) that align with what you described.   Imo, what you describe is a combination of trait terms, all woven together in one incident.

I also like to recommend new folks swing over to the Welcome Mat board and formally introduce themselves.  That board is a great way to let others know you have recently joined us on the Out of the FOG journey. 

Last, I want to personally recommend this series of YouTube videos on the trait terminology, by Dr Ramani.  She is one of my favorite teachers. (link below). 

Again welcome, and I look forward to conversations with you around the forum boards.

SoT

Dr. Ramani: Glossary of narcissistic relationships

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3QtnfcMTMhEfRXN-Kk2vndn89nBZxKUj

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome Matilda!  My husband used to do this- make me his errand girl, as I called it then. And it was little things like in your example and I could never understand how that led to nasty fights, leaving me bewildered and anxious.
For me, I felt resentful and such a remark like yours about the couch would have come from a mild feeling of irritation. And would have led to a massive fight with yelling and sometimes even tears. He would have been ok after the blow up, and I would have been distraught for several days, feeling confused, anxious, and angry at the same time.

You have been given excellent resources above, working your way through them might be eye opening for you. See you around.

[Matilda]

Thank you all for the welcome. I appreciate the information. Just tried to have a normal conversation about what we are doing and it's EXACTLY what was said about two different realities. I literally said "are we on different planets???" *sigh* headed to read.