Confused

[Tricia64]

Hi,

I am new here.  I have lost my husband and my brother in the last two years.  I don't have children and really only have my 3 sisters.  I am reclusive and don't have friends.

I am the youngest (55) of six kids - 2 girls, 2 boys, 2 girls.  My older brother died last year.

I have bad relationships with all my sisters.  I am emotionally a basket case in many ways.  I feel they are abusive but none of them will admit it.  I just started looking up the scapegoating recently and realize that might be what is happening.

The thing is I feel broken hearted that I have to lose my sisters.  I know I am in no way perfect but it is like they are constantly attacking and treating me badly.

I honestly feel like I just have nothing left.  I feel so trapped and hurt.

[biggerfish]

Hi Tricia64. I'm so glad you're here. Stick around, and over time you'll find good tools and some friends who totally understand. When you're so used to being mistreated, it can be a little like a fish looking around and saying "what water." It's a process to find your self-care and to raise your expectations for how you want to be treated.

All is not lost, so don't despair. It's possible for your siblings to catch on. over time, to treating you better, but that starts with you standing your ground and not compromising. And yes it's true that it can be a lonely road, with lost relationships, but happiness is something you deserve. It will be worth it. Just give it time and find yourself in the meantime.

Take a look at the categories to see which categories you'd like to post in. And be sure and look at the top of the page for Toolbox and Resources. There's some common language that helps us all, along with some informed advice.

[Tricia64]

Thank you so much for your reply.

The problem is that after being treated badly, I flip.  I write emails and call and go crazy.

I have confronted them as much as I can but they just act like it is me.  And I do act nuts reacting, so I get really confused.  But I really don't think it is me.  When I confront the verbal abuse, they just say it isn't true and how I am toxic.  Even though I know they are lying, I feel like maybe it really is all my fault. 

I have had severe depression even before my husband died.  I was hospitalized over a dozen times, shock treatments, pretty much whole nine yards.  So I can't believe that my sisters would know how mentally unstable I am and do this to me.  But I know they are.  I almost feel like I am in a nightmare.  The part of them lying gets to me so much because I really feel like I am starting to lose my sense of reality.

[biggerfish]

In so sorry you've been through all this Tricia64. You deserve better. Just know that it's not you. They sound pretty typical for what we deal with on this board. I'm guessing you're exhausted from trying to get them to see the light. On.this board you will learn how to put all that energy into finding your own happiness instead.  Do some reading here and stay open to there being another way to live your life. You've already taken a big step by joining us. 

[Tricia64]

Thank you so much Bigger Fish.

I have had a horrible day and you made me feel a little better not thinking I am crazy.   I am so saddened because I really don't believe we can ever be what I want but I thank you for saying all was not lost and maybe they would come around.  Even if it isn't true, it makes me feel a little less despondent.