Memory Problems?

[gcj07a]

Anyone know of any good resources on memory problems for abusers? My unBPM abused me sexually, physically, and emotionally as a child. While I have been NC with her for 4.5 years, my sister has brought up my abuse allegations to her and she denies any memory of any of it. I assume all of this is just my M lying, but some things give me pause:

1) Her memory has been bad for a long time, since well before I went NC.

2) She definitely was abused herself as a kid. She always mentioned the physical abuse (and laughed it off as something that the older generations used to hand out to kids) and has recently admitted the sexual abuse at the hands of her father. I can see how perpetrating abuse on another that one also experienced might trigger severe dissociation.

Thoughts?

[Poison Ivy]

I'm sorry you're in this situation. Off the top of my head, I'll say two things: (1) many people have real, diagnosable memory disorders; and (2) even without a memory disorder, people remember what they want to remember.

[SeaBreeze]

That's a tough one.

My stbx uNPDh is known to gaslight, rewrite history, outright lie, or seems to disassociate and honestly forget what he said or did. However, in recent years he is showing signs of an actual cognitive decline. One of our adult kids has expressed concern, but agreed (before I said it) that with stbx's history of gaslighting, selective memory, etc it's hard to tell or know the difference? Of course, stbx will not admit there's a problem, be it medical or otherwise. I had been hinting and gently urging him to see a doctor before I left him. Adult kid is thinking of how to best broach the topic.

So, perhaps you (or your sister) might gently suggest your mother see a physician to rule out any medical issues? Would she be receptive to such suggestions?

[moglow]

Mine accused me many times of having a convenient memory, and admittedly there are large blanks in my childhood memory. Head injuries and the sheer stress of it all will do that. Md has no notable memories of our childhood, has repeated the same few stories as far back as I can remember and those weren't shining happiness for us. 

Two of my brothers have brought up the violence in which we grew up - complete denial from her. She doesn't remember that. Unfortunately she doesn't counter with whatever she does remember either. It all appears a huge blank for her. 

I do believe there's a possibility of stress induced dissociation, where she may have truly blanked during some of the worst episodes. But ... to remember nothing? There was recent brief conversation about some watches Daddy bought them in their early married life, a matched pair that she had passed along to me years ago. Anyhoo, I found them in my jewelry box and got curious, asked when and where he bought them, hoping for a cool story. She doesn't know anything about any watches, said I'd need to ask brother about them. Wha??? Granted that's a great many years ago now but seriously. Why would my brother know or care about their watches?

GC, with mine at least I think it's as much willful as sincere memory loss we may all encounter eventually. Throw in overall poor health and medications, isolation and no hobbies or activities to keep ones mind active ... I guess it's inevitable?