Hey there,
I was wondering if others experience scenarios similar to the one I describe below. DH's mom has PD/NPD and many in his family have similar traits and are flying monkeys. I deal with his fleas from time to time and getting better at recognizing the behavior and seeing the damage it causes.
Scenario- We are getting our kids ready for bed after a long afternoon and evening. We are both tired and ready to have downtime. DH is already upstairs with kids and can see me walking up the stairs. I go into another room to grab something and he makes and audible frustrated sigh. I come back around to help out and ask if everything is okay. He looks at me and goes 'are you okay?'. I'm a little caught off guard and say, 'um yes I'm fine- I heard you sigh and wanted to check if things okay.' That was kind of the end of it because our kids were being loud and it was hard to talk in that very moment.
Later on, I brought it up again and told him I didn't like it when he flips the questions back on me. He said I had a look on my face coming up the stairs that something was bothering me. Okay, maybe I did? Who knows it, was a long day. I told him the way the interaction went was very odd and I can't figure out what he is trying to do by 1) not answering my original question and 2) making me question myself.
This is a small example but these little moments pop up and make my head spin :stars:.
Does anyone else experience these flips and how do you talk or work through them?
Teddy
This is called projection (https://outofthefog.website/top-100-trait-blog/2015/11/4/projection) and it's very common. It's very hard to deal with, because you're not even operating from the same set of facts. I'm sorry I don't have any better tips but I think reading up on it might help.
It happens so often that I am very careful to avoid showing my feelings on things. For example, if I share that I'm fearful that uNPDh will leave me, as he threatens on occasion, he will turn around and start saying he's afraid of that. It's definitely crazymaking unless you're aware of what's going on.