thanks for the website!

[NewConfidence]

I'd like to thank you, the people who manage this website, for helping me to grow and to understand the abuse that I endured while in a relationship with a person, probably with antisocial personality disorder.

Thank you also to people who have responded to posts that I made last year. I am just registered this new account, as I had become concerned that my ex may have worked out my username or found this site through accessing my old email address. (This may show paranoia as a result of technological abuse!)

When I left my partner, I was unable to call and could not recognise what I was going through was ABUSE. But it was. I was in a psychological and emotionally abusive relationship with a very cunning and manipulative man.

It was with shock during my pregnancy to realise that he was unable to empathise, that I was being used financially and stalked both on technology and turning up randomly where I was, with little "stories" that seemed confusing, but... well I still feel confused.

It is while at hospital giving birth to our baby that I realised just how bad this relationship was and I am so grateful to the midwives who made observations of his intimidating and narcassistic behaviour, expressing concern about the "jokes" made at my expense, even while I was being observed for my health in a difficult labour. I passed out not long after labour and was very ill. Still, he was unable to properly show support and care for me during a difficult week (I now realise that he cannot empathise and can only see what he needs/wants)

It is following the breakup, months later that I discovered that he is a pathological liar and that lies could roll off his tongue. I still wonder if he is delusional or if he is just really good at gaslighting and manipulating (a bit of both, perhaps!)

So, I ask now for your support, to help me find the strength to keep going as I approach mediation and court (because I know now he cannot agree to anything unless he has control) - so I know that mediation will fail. After seeing the emotional and physical abuse of my step-children, I am requesting supervised visits. I have to be strong. I have to be strong to help keep my baby safe from his emotional abuse in the future.

I am scared and not feeling confident. But I know that I must "fake my confidence" so that I can keep my baby safe.

[Penny Lane]

NewConfidence,
Welcome, and I'm glad you found us as you're going through this very tough time. But I'm so sorry you are facing mediation and divorce with a new baby to boot! I think you will find strength that you didn't know you had in order to keep your baby and yourself safe.

I don't know if you've checked out the toolbox yet, but it has some really good tools to help you get the best outcomes from your interactions with him.

There's also a forum dedicated to separating and divorcing as well as one dedicated to coparenting. People there will understand what you're going through and be able to offer you strength and advice if you want it.

If you're a person who turns to books (I am) you might also like to read Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It'll give you practical tips for the divorce process as well as some about coparenting.

Good luck, and I look forward to hearing more of your story on the boards when you want to share.

[Boat Babe]

Well done you for getting you and your baby away from an abuser. Must be so hard to do just after giving birth. Shows you are a strong person.
If you need any further encouragement to keep going, just read the heart rending posts from people who have been shackled to abusers all their married lives and whose children have been terribly damaged. You don't want to be posting here in two, five, ten years time.
You have the support of everyone here and a lot of useful information and tools. Get all the help you can and stay strong ❤️❤️❤️