Introduction

[thejourneytosignificance]

Hello,  I am new (first post).  I read the website and really liked what I saw.  I am further along on my journey than some, but not as far as others, I am sure.  I am  out of multiple abusive relationships with PD people (mostly NPD and BPD men), with finally finding an excellent therapist and 1.5 years of really good therapy (after years of finding inadequate ones), I am now  working on finding a healthy relationship (in process at the moment), and moving away from a primarily Narcissitic Family unit (not just one) - but a "bouquet of NPD persons" as my therapist coins.  I have also gotten involved in "Group Therapy" which has been immensely helpful, and this has given me a family sense of support while dealing with the unreasonable people of my life, and creating (slowly) new and healthier relationships that are supportive, kind and caring, while stepping away from the large dominating self absorbed family of origin, of which I have been at odds with most of my life.  I am the classic scapegoat, and have a good sense of what is right, see the issues, but it has been very difficult dealing with the lack of support, and chronic anxiety and depression I have lived with most of my life when not in a relationship, and feeling like the outsider. I had huge attachment anxieties which kept me in bad relationships as the anxiety and depression I experienced at the end ( rejection) was ususally way worse than the day to day life in a bad relationship.  And so the cycle continued, as I could not tolerate being alone.   Abuse as a child at the hands of mother, who is very self serving, and completely oblivious to the needs of anyone outside of herself.  Father was emotionally absent work aholic, and eventually married another woman who had BDD.  My full sister is covert Narcisist, my half siblings are various versions of NPD, histrionic, and in one case merely lacking basic empathy.  All family members are empathy impaired.  I have been working through becoming balanced and having internal piece after my last relationship ended in a horrible manner - I was blind sided and became borderline suicidal.  My family were essentially unmoved, and lacked any desire to support me save for one member.  That was rock bottom.  At that point, I realized things had to change, and was gratetful, someone who knew me casually realized I was in serious trouble and referred me to a therapist that literally saved my life.  I have been working very very hard to  move past the trauma, and break the bonds from the past, and given my motivation have made huge strides in a year and half.   But life still comes to bit you in the ass...and it is nice to have the support of a group that has been there, and understands, and is working towards the goal of creating a great life beyond - a life that seems so unreal that when described to others seems like a fanatasy - yet I know I lived through it all....and I am so afraid of having my relationship patterns repeat themselves - so I am very very cautious before I get serious with anyone.  I figure - if they feel I am worth it - and have the qualities I am looking for - they will respect my desire to be cautious - and that is the key right - finding someone who actually understands and respects your needs - as that is essentially what has been missing for most of my life...  So nice to meet everyone...

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! Seems you are on a good path. I totally agree with you, it is worth taking your time and look for someone who understands and respects your needs, especially the need to take it slow after your experience. If your potential partner pushes you to do something you are not ready to do, consider this a big red flag.