Religious fear

[Marianne]

After leaving my abusive ex, successfully fighting to protect my son (after three years in court), collapsing in traumapsychosis, coming to faith and realising my way of life was wrong and distancing with my son from my emotionally abusive parents… I felt strong. Loving. Good.

And…fell back. Making some of the same mistakes. Not daring to set boundaries with a man. And after a well-placed threat and manipulation from mum, collapsed again, and fell back into dependence. Son was taken in by parents. Both me and him went to ruins. I’m working to try and save what can be saved.

After years and years, I am again breaking free. But unable to protect my son. I’m terrified for his soul, that it will be crushed. And also for mine.

How can I build his inner strength and trust in God, after he saw religious people (me too) mess up so badly? And being made codependent?

Could I ever be forgiven? I fear hell. Is there any way to return to God, after going back to stupidity and taking son with me?

I guess nobody really has an answer…but it is something I’m struggling with. I have no clear conscience. And see my son struggle. Religious fear drags me down, so I can be there for him even less so.

[Starboard Song]

Could I ever be forgiven? I fear hell. Is there any way to return to God, after going back to stupidity and taking son with me?

You are writing in english, and haven't described an exotic faith: you almost undoutedly are of a faith that at its very foundation is about the availability of unlimited forgiveness for the sins of the penitent.

If that is true for your faith, really take a moment and remind yourself of what that means. A murderer can seek and receive forgiveness in every major faith group in the US. You are going to be fine, and have a redeemable soul.

[Marianne]

Thank you.

I'm a Christian, or try to be at least. And indeed, maybe I should trust Gods grace more. The bible speaks of forgiveness so much. Also though, about following the narrow road, rather than the broad one to destruction.

I struggle both with feeling forgiven and forgiving the people who hurt me and my son. I tried to do shortcuts to both...not going through the shame, the fear and the anger, not genuinely acknowledging all that happened. I think I just suppressed it all, and it came up over and over again when it was touched upon. Maybe now, while realising deeply the hurt to everyone of both my own mistakes, as well as the mistakes of my parents, is not the right time to feel forgiven or forgiving yet. Maybe now is the time to feel the hurt. The grief. The pain. After which genuine forgiveness, hopefully, grows on me.

I'm hoping I can change deeply, so that I don't continue in the same stupidities.
I'm also hoping I can find a gentler attitude towards my family, without it being fake (I'm too hurt and angry at this moment) or accepting things that aren't right.

I really hope there is forgiveness for all of us before God.

[thedoghousedweller]

Remember that Jesus forgave the thief on the cross because of his remorse and his request to join Him in faith.  Paul the Apostle murdered Christians for their faith before his encounter on the road to Damascus, and he was invited as well.  That same invitation is offered to you and me.  I never read that Jesus put conditions on the gift.

[DrakeHamilton]

Oh my God, I feel so sorry for you. I know what you mean. At times like this, you begin to wonder why God has placed all these burdens on your shoulders. But it's just a test of fortitude.

[Mary]

Draw near to God with the honesty you have just given us. Accept His forgiveness. He will draw near to you, and give you peace.
Here is a song that comes to mind.

He Whispers Sweet Peace to Me

Sometime when misgivings darken the day
And faith's light I cannot see
I ask my dear Lord to brighten the way
He whispers sweet peace to me (to me)

Chorus:
He whispers sweet peace to me (yes He whispers to me)
He whispers sweet peace to me (He whispers sweet peace to me)
When I am cast down in spirit and soul
He whispers sweet peace to me (to me)

He speaks through His word, assurance He gives
I'm His and I know He's mine
And safe in the fold my soul He will keep
I'll rest in His love divine (divine)

Repeat Chorus (x2)
https://www.hymnlyrics.org/newlyrics_h/he_whispers_sweet_peace_to_me.php

Sincerely,
Mary

[Call Me Cordelia]

Do you think your sin is greater than His mercy? He takes no greater delight than in bringing back the lost sheep.

For myself, I know having been abused has had major ripple effects through my spiritual life. Perceiving God as Father, oh boy. Even though I can believe I am forgiven, it is very often difficult for me to fully accept it. This is a work in progress. Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!

[1footouttadefog]

I believe that God will meet us where ever we are at in life and regardless of what we have done when we repent and turn toward him.

I firmly believe that regardless of where we find ourselves God has a best plan for us from that point forward.  He can take the brokenness and make it whole.  We need to be willing to leave behind whatever is required to walk beside Him into that future he has for us. 

Jesus gives examples in the Bible of things people had to be willing to leave behind.  It is different for each of us as ok nly we and Jesus know what truly keeps us apart from Him or what causes us to hesitate.

God took back Israel oh so many times after they turned from Him.

I hope you can find a simple faith to lean on and rebuild your life from there.  I hope you grow in your strength and faith as you heal, and find yourself on that path to the best possible life.

There is great hope that your child will see the change in you and respond positively. 

[Mary]

This is a work in progress. Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!

Amen!!!

[Preamble]

Hi Marianne
This sounds very hard and I am sorry you are going through it.  My family has no apologies and no forgiveness.  They just eventually start talking to each other again.  I'm just asking here, have you even experienced repentance and forgiveness in your family of origin?  For many people this is a normal part of life. 

I hope you feel better very soon.

[Iamenoughmary]

Hi Marianne, I think it's just as simple as asking his forgiveness. I often have felt God was so distant, but then something happens and I feel his nearness again.  You are forgiven, know that for sure!  I think of God as a good friend and I talk to him and tell him my fears. Bless you and I hope the best for you

[Sojourner17]

HI Marianne,  I think its a normal part of life to look at the past and think about what has happened and have some fear (Godly fear, or the fear that the enemy seeks to place in our hearts that steals our joy and makes it hard for us to move).  I know I have been there before where I have feared that I was irredeemable, bad, too far gone, etc.  I also know that the LORD takes what is broken, what is deep in miry clay, what is dust and ashes and turns it into something/someone fit for His Kingdom.  He takes his bride, with spot and blemish, and washes that all clean.  We just need to turn to Him, believe and trust in Him and walk in HIs ways (even when its hard).  He is the Light to our path, He is the great healer, restorer and King. 

One song that always comes to mind for me is the following:

Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus
O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There's light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free!
Refrain:
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

Through death into life everlasting
He passed, and we follow Him there;
O'er us sin no more hath dominion—
For more than conqu'rors we are!

His Word shall not fail you—He promised;
Believe Him, and all will be well:
Then go to a world that is dying,
His perfect salvation to tell!

I don't know how old your son is or if he would be willing to hear it but perhaps sitting with him and talking to him would help.  Sometimes being willing to honestly look at the part you have played and ask for forgiveness helps.  It doesn't wash everything away, and doesn't always change the consequences, but it does help with healing.  But seek the Lords face first. (You know your situation way better than I)  He will reveal Himself to those who earnestly seek him.  There is healing in His wings and he can wipe away every tear and help with every heartache. 

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged.  For the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
For God has not given you a spirit of fear but of power and love and of a sound mind.  2 Tim 1:7

May the Lord Bless you and keep you, may He make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you.  May the Lord lift his countenance upon you and give you peace.  Shalom.

[SignificantOther1798]

Dear Marianne, you have been through so much, you poor thing - but the main thing is that you're coming out of it! You are to be truly commended for that.

Your headline is about religious fear, and you mention that you fear hell. But we should come to God, not out of mortal fear, but out of love for him. He is after all a God of love. In a similar vein, as parents, we would want our children to come to us out of love, not out of fear. Which is why the doctrine of hell as a burning torment is so wrong.

In fact the concept of hell as an eternal fiery torment is nowhere to be found in the Bible. That concept started with the ancient Egyptians in the 16th century BCE, and in the 2nd century CE, Plato sealed the deal - bringing the idea of a burning torment to christianity long after Jesus had died (something that Jesus never taught). You will find the word 'hell' in English Bibles, but the original language was the Hebrew word 'sheol' and the Greek word 'hades' - both of which mean 'the grave' - i.e. the common grave of mankind, i.e. nonexistence, basically the opposite of life.

Remember that God condemned the ancient pagan practice of burning their own children: "Furthermore, they built the high places of Baal in the Valley of the Son of Hinnom, in order to make their sons and their daughters pass through the fire to Molech, something that I had not commanded them and that had never come into my heart to do such a detestable thing, causing Judah to sin.’" Jeremiah 32:35

If it was so detestable to God, wouldn't it be hypocritical if he created a burning hell to torment people forever? Again, God is love.

Marianne, you have admirably picked yourself up from the ground many times. But be determined not to stumble and fall (though if you do, get up again). Take one step at a time, one day at a time. Set little goals for yourself, achievable goals, that will take you in the right  direction. You say you have no clear conscience, but you can train your conscience by reading and studying the Bible. Pray to God for help. We need to learn more about him and what he wants of us. As his children, we are still responsible to him.

"Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be anxious, for I am your God. I will fortify you, yes, I will help you, I will really hold on to you with my right hand of righteousness.’" Isaiah 41:10