I've been doing a lot of inner child healing, working on my Adult Child recovery and dealing with narcissist abuse.
I set myself goals to 'Know Myself' and I have been doing mirror work.
I looked in the mirror today and I finally realised I have never felt pretty, attractive or beautiful. I've always seen myself as ugly and unworthy of love.
I've let people use and abuse me because I truly believed no one would want or love me based on my looks. So I had to work extra hard to be good, kind, caring and never say no because I feared rejection. I was bullied at school for being plain and called ugly.
I've always seen my internal beauty but didn't believe other people would. This is a big step forward for me, learning to love myself unconditionally
Good for you! That's very hard programming to overcome!
That is hard programming to overcome. I am so glad you are seeing this and can work on this. You deserve to be treated well and loved! And you are allowed to say no. :) I wish you luck on your journey of self-discovery!
I totally get this. I have always felt 'not pretty' too. It is very painful. I remember my ubpdm telling me i was pretty on occasion when i would talk about this feeling but i didnt believe her. She also often made "im ugly" comments about herself though.
Oh my gosh, I completely relate to this! I'm looking at transactional analysis with my psychotherapist at the moment, trying to have compassion for my inner child who, quite frankly, I hate at the moment.
I'm female, late 30s, uBPD waif mother. When I look at myself through the eyes of my adult, I can objectively see that I'm very average looking. I've got a weak chin and from some angles I look pretty ugly, but otherwise I'm normal looking. My child and my critical parent both think I'm very ugly and I can't bear to look at photos of myself.
My mother is obsessed that I'm absolutely beautiful. People used to tell her when i was little what a beautiful child I was and apparently when she shows people my wedding photos they all marvel at how beautiful I am. I hate this because I know she's just deluded. The narc in her wants praise from people and believing that I'm beautiful is a way of getting that praise. Also I used to hate her telling me it when i was a child because I thought she was just lying to make me feel better.
Now my adult is ok with how I look, I'm happily married and have no aspirations to be a model. but I think I need for my child and parent to stop telling me I'm ugly. I guess it's going to take time.
I always felt weird and ugly too. I work in an industry that is very much about "perception of beauty" and have realized it's all about confidence and charisma, very little about our actual physical appearance.
You can see people walking into a room with presence and confidence and we perceive them as attractive, no matter how they look.
You see the little scared mouse in the corner, who may be the most physically beautiful person ever, but you perceive them as a little grey mouse.
I have seen this over and over in my life and my career! Beauty really is from the inside!
Try to start seeing and believing the inner beauty in you and others will see it too!
I'm not there yet, but I've seen it so many times, I know it's true.
I think I had a poor self image where it pertains to beauty. Additionally I had bullying in my elementary and middle schools.
I ended up having a putting a low value on physical appearance. I am initially drawn to how people feel to me then will later notice what makes them physically attractive to me.
I notice others do the same toward me at times and I feel closest to this sort of person as a friend. As long as I find great folks with high levels of integrity and compassion and shared ethics and morals it matters not.
I am pretty sure at least some people find me attractive. I see no need to change anything. I hope everyone could come to a place of feeling okay as they are and having great people in their lives.
We live in a toxic culture with regard to physical beauty. Witness people spending fortunes on cosmetic surgery, Botox, products etc. Their lives are not improved one jot.
Add to that a toxic family who comment on your physicality and you are gonna have serious body image problems.
My (nice) ex always said the best face lift was a smile and he was so right.
As to being sexually attractive, that has very little to do with your looks. That's all about confidence and the way you move and hold your body.
I now tell myself "I am enough" all the time. It works on so many levels, including my body confidence.
Good luck moving forward with this.