WAKING UP AFTER HALF OF LIFE IS GONE

[STOLEN LIFE]

  I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO A NPD FOR 39 YEARS IT HAS BEEN  ONE HELLISH RIDE TO SAY THE LEAST,  I WAS MARRIED BACK IN 1981 TO THIS MAN AFTER COMING FROM A HOME THAT WAS NOTHING BUT NEGLIGANCE, VERBAL, PHYSICAL AND MENTAL ABUSE THE DAY THAT I MEET HIM STICKS OUT HIM MY MIND LIKE A SOAR THUMB WHICH IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST EXAMPLES OF HOW I SAW MY OWN WORTH, WHEN WE MEET OUR EYES MEET AND HE TURNED AND LOOKED AWAY FROM ME AND IGNORED ME SO BEING FROM AN ENVIROMENT WERE THE PEOPLE I GREW UP AROUND DID THE SAME THING IT FELT NORMAL AND INVITING AS A MATTER OF FACT IT FELT LIKE A CHANLENGE TO GAIN THIS PERSON'S ATTENTION, WHICH NOW LOOKING BACK ON MY LIFE WAS REALLY ALL ABOUT YOU KNOW THE USUAL YOU ARENT GOOD ENOUGH OF A PERSON TO LOVE UNLESS YOU PROVE IT TO ME KINDA OF THING WELL NEEDLESS TO SAY 39 YEARS LATER I AM STILL DOING THE SAME THING CHASING HIM AROUND ACCEPTING EVERY DISCUSTING THING HE SAYS OR DOES TO ME BEING HIS LOYAL FAITHFUL WIFE MAKING HIM LOOK LIKE A BETTER PERSON THEN HE REALLY IS BACICLEY GIVING UP MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS  ungrateful person  TO GET NOTHING IN RETURN BUT MY WHOLE LIVE STOLEN RIGHT OUT FROM UNDERNEATH MY FEET WITHOUT EVEN SEEING IT COMING BECAUSE OF JUST HOW GOOD THESE NPD MONSTERS ARE AT MAKING YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING THEY WANT YOU TOO AND THAT IS MY FRIEND IS WHAT EVER IT TAKES TO KILL YOUR SOUL AND HAVE YOU A WALKING ZOMBY BY THEIR SIDE WHILE THEY USE YOU UP LIKE TOLITE PAPER TO MAKE THEIR LIFE AWESOME FOR THEMSELVES.  BE AWARE LEARN ALL YOU CAN BEFORE YOU UNKNOWINGLY GIVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE TO THESE  LOST SOULS, BEFORE YOU WAKE UP ONE MORNING READ A BOOK YOU FOUND AT THE BOOK STORE TITLED COVERT NARCASISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER, THEN AFTER READING IT GET UP ONE MORNING LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SEE A OLDER WOMEN FULL OF THE SAME PAIN AND TOREMENT SHE GREWUP FEELING BUT ONLY THIS TIME WHEN THE TRUTH HIT ME IT WAS LITTERALY PARALYZING I HOPE I CAN LEARN HOW TO GO ON IN LIFE I'M SO LOST AND ALONE THAT IS WHY I'M JOINING THIS FOREM TO SEE IF I CAN REALLY SERVIVE THIS HEARTBREAK  I WISH THIS HAD SPELL CHECK PLEASE FORGIVE MY SLOPPY WRITING

[Penny Lane]

Hi and welcome. I'm so glad you found us. It sounds like you're ready to try to take control of your life - what a brave, but hard, thing to do!

If you haven't already, you might start at the toolbox.

Looking forward to seeing you around the boards.

[STOLEN LIFE]

   Thank you

[guitarman]

Welcome. You are not alone.

guitarman X

[Summer Sun]

StolenLife, just wanted to add my welcome and reiterate that you are not alone.  What a long, painful journey you've been on.  It can be overwhelming when we see the truth.  It can be devastating when we understand the implications  of the truth.  Once we know, we are then faced with a decision.  Stay?  or, Leave?  And it is an individual choice.

Please be patient with yourself.  Like you, many of us were groomed in childhood to fall into relationships with Pd's and accept abusive behaviours.  It is what we know, it is normalized.  It is familiar. 

Many of us here have been where you are.  I encourage you to read as much as you can, arm yourself with knowledge, surround yourself with support, nurture yourself in ways that are soothing and meaningful.  Any journey always begins with a first step.  And then, One step at a time.

Wishing you strength, support, kindness and self care in the days ahead.

Summer Sun