Using Coronavirus to hs own advantage

[p123]

Well I've been waiting for it and half expected it. Hes been trying to get me to visit him more. I've had comments like "expected to see you this weekend", "thought you'd have had time to see me". CONSTANTLY but I just ignore him.

So I spoke to him on the phone today. Hes talking about "oh so all kids classes and evening stuff will all be cancelled now". I can smell a rat here.
Then he said "Oh you'll HAVE to visit at least once a week now because this is getting worse, someone needs to look after me".  And "but you'll have time with all the activities being cancelled"

As I've said before, he does not need looking after, and I can't even remember the last time he got his own groceries/shopping. Whats changed?

My wife is a nurse. A few weeks ago she badly damaged her knee - she needs a knee replacement op now. Fortunately, we have private insurance and she can get it done quickly. Shes really sad she can't work at the moment and help out with all the sick people, but she can hardly walk. We discussed and decided she needs to get it sorted, and healed sooner rather than later. In all honesty, she can't work as she is at the moment.

He then started asking me about my wife and how her knee is. I got suspicious and said yes shes having an operation next week. I could not believe what he said then....
He said "Oh I suppose she'll expect you to ferry her around in the car afterwards then?", "I'd expect her to cancel this because you've got me to look after, can't she wait a few months?"

Just WOW. I just didn't know what to say.

So in one conversation, hes tried to trick me into visiting once a week which is what hes been trying all angles for the last few months, and hes also, not only criticised my wife AGAIN but, AGAIN, tried to make out he is my one and only priority....

At the moment, I really wish I didn't ever have to see him. I know I shouldn't let him get me so angry like this. I know I know.
This is a low even for him..... I just could not wait to get off the phone with him. Its gone way past irritation with him now. EVen when I visit, I look at his face and I have contempt for what I see. It seems that 95% hes trying some of angle to get his own way, there is nothing left for me any more.

Watch this space. If these tactics don't work the next call will be he thinks hes got CoronaVirus. Completely madeup I'll be perfectly honest, especially where health is concerned, he will lie until the cows come home to get what he wants. Unless I see physical test results there is no way I can believe that hes telling the truth...

As I've said before, I've made my peace with the fact that, one day, I may find him dead in the chair. I am at peace with that. If, last few years, I'd run every time he tried to tell me was "so ill" I'd have literally spent every spare moment at his house. If it happens, I'm going to shrug my shoulders and think "oh well you brought this on yourself".

[WomanInterrupted]

First - I'm really sorry to hear about your wife's knee, hope her operation goes smoothly and she's back on her feet in no time. 

Second - I was wondering when he was going to make it all about him. 

If your dad makes any kind of squawk about his cold possibly being Covid 19 or any other contagious nasty - this is how I'd handle it:  I'd tell him it sounds serious and I have to go - only to call the people in charge of such illnesses and make it THEIR problem, which your dad will hate, because it's NOT you *but* he rang the bell (mentioned Covid or other contagion) - he can deal with the fallout  while you STAY AWAY and let the professionals handle it.   

If your dad wants to know when you're coming over, NOPE.  You are following the advice given, which is to isolate and stay away from others, especially if they've been ill.  If your father needs anything he needs to call his DOCTOR.   

If your father wants meals, he can have them delivered or go without -  NO exception. 

What I'd *really* like you to do is practice the words, "Dad, I'm not doing that."

Why? 

"Because I just told you - I'm not doing that."

But who will...!?!?!?   

"I can have groceries delivered and that's it.  Anything else will have to wait."

If he gets extra-waify or extra-insistent, it's time to end the call with, "This is not a discussion."

I'm completely serious about this - and you're sick enough of him that you might just surprise yourself in being firm, non-compliant and NOT willing to put up with *any* rubbish.  You've got enough on your mind  and you don't need your  father's woes on top of it all. 

I had to do something very similar with unNPD Ray, when he thought he could rope me in when it came to his intestinal issues:  either NO trains or too many trains.  He thought I had to take unBPD Didi's place.     

Here was my answer: No.  Either do it yourself or call your doctor.  I can't do that.   

Those are the best words you can say - or variants of them - to learn to protect you and yours.

I'm glad you've had that  come-to-Jesus moment where you realize what your dad's fate is probably going to be - I'm here to tell you you're probably not far from wrong and it's OKAY.   

I thought somebody was going to realize Ray's mail and papers were piling up and call the cops, who'd find him dead or in serious condition at the bottom of the basement stairs, and I was okay with that, because *I can't control another person's actions.*

Neither can you.  We're just mere mortals - and usually, that's fine.

If your dad wants to wait in a chair until somebody has to break in and cart him off  to a hospital and later a care home, that's FINE. 

I doubt your dad will die in that chair - one thing I've discovered about waifs is they're astonishingly resourceful - if he can't get you to do his bidding, he'll find somebody else. 

They always do. 

But that person *does NOT have to be you, your wife, or your children* - nor do any of you have to suffer, be inconvenienced or "make due" with minimized time together because of your dad's unrealistic
expectations.

My advice to you is the same as it's been:  DROP THE ROPE.   

Make yourself impossible to reach.  Don't return calls.  Become completely unreliable, untrustworthy and the LAST person on his list of go-to people, instead of the first.

Focus on your wife and kiddos - you'll be glad you did!

[Spirit in the sky]

Hi p123,

Yes coronavirus is having effects with me too. I'm looking after my mum and my husband has a weak immune system so I really need to stay fit and healthy. I've taken time of work because I work with the public and I'm avoiding all unnecessary social contact.  This means not visiting my father in hospital I know he's not happy and will guilt trip me. But I have to keep reminding myself he's safe and the hospitals staff all following procedures to keep everyone in the hospital protected. He's receiving treatment and medical and meals 24/7.

My mum is 87 and lives alone and I'm her carer so I need to make sure she's safe and has all she needs for the lock down, food, medical supplies and I can't do that if I take unnecessary risks travelling on public transport. Difficult choices.

[Adrianna]

Your answers to his requests right now should be very simple.

I can't visit you. It's against the rules. I could be a carrier and not know it.  I'm staying away from all elderly people. It's for your own safety.

My grandmother's on lockdown in the nursing home but I don't visit anyways so that's not an issue. My father doesn't leave the house and tried to get me to bring him bread the other day. I said no (I am good at saying no to him now) and told him I'm not going anywhere near you.  You're elderly and high risk. His housekeeper is coming soon and he still had some bread left anyway!

The fact that he expected your wife to delay her knee surgery so you would be available for him falls right in line with narcissism. They don't care about other people, in fact they don't see people apart from what they can do for them. It's still shocking when it happens, or was for me anyway, until you really fully let it sink in that they just don't care. Your father lacks empathy so he had no way to connect to your wife's situation. He can't see beyond himself. They don't think the way you and I do and they never will.

I have no expectations anymore from someone with Narcissism and/or borderline traits. It helps with the inevitable disappointment you feel when they don't treat you like a human being.

[_apparentlywicked]

This is the heart of it. Your dad's behaviour rubs his lack of empathy in your face. Over and over.

If you get to the point where you can't have contact anymore he will always find someone to meet his needs because that is the only thing in his world, his needs. He doesn't see your wife, son or you as a person with needs. You're either on earth to help him or p##s him off by not meeting his needs. That's it. That's the reality.

[Pepin]

I can't visit you. It's against the rules. I could be a carrier and not know it.  I'm staying away from all elderly people. It's for your own safety.

This it the gold right here.  Remind him that many people will be carriers and have mild symptoms.  The more often we go out, the more people we interact with, the more we spread this pandemic. 

I am sorry but not surprised about his reaction to your wife's upcoming knee surgery.  If anything, I would also use that as an extended excuse to get out of doing anything.  If it were me I'd say that she is going though with the surgery as planned and that you will be attending to her needs as long as it takes....and milk that for all that it is worth. 

[p123]

Can guarantee that even if it was sensible for him to isolate his opinion would be "BUT I need someone to look after me so you'll have to come".

Thats the bottom line with Dad. Hes sees himself as helpless, and NEEDS someone to look after him. And its such an emergency and its awful that his sons are so busy because he really struggles on his own. He doesnt of course - hes completely fine. But this idea hes got in his head overtakes EVERYTHING. The energy he must expend thinking of ways to trick me must be exhausting.

Hes got this thing that he can no longer use the phone. Rubbish. He does this so someone else gets to phone people for him. Phoned him unexpectedly the other day he didn't know it was me at first. He was like "hello, I cant hear you. Hello hello. Croke croke croke". When he heard it was me - he was " oh hi p" and he could hear me perfectly well. It suits him to have the rest of the family think hes so ill he can't even speak on the phone but, of course, he WANTS to speak to me all the time so hes got to drop the act then otherwise I;d say "Oh I wont phone if you cant hear me". Craziness indeed.

And yes no other health issue for anyone else even come close. Because hes "so ill" they "need to understand" and of course "wife could wait a few months because he needs me and can't cope otherwise".
About the only thing Dad can't cope with is listening to doctors and medical people and sometimes hes not able to walk to the betting shop to bet on the horses (which seems to be classed as a basic human need in his case).

[p123]

First - I'm really sorry to hear about your wife's knee, hope her operation goes smoothly and she's back on her feet in no time. 

Second - I was wondering when he was going to make it all about him. 

If your dad makes any kind of squawk about his cold possibly being Covid 19 or any other contagious nasty - this is how I'd handle it:  I'd tell him it sounds serious and I have to go - only to call the people in charge of such illnesses and make it THEIR problem, which your dad will hate, because it's NOT you *but* he rang the bell (mentioned Covid or other contagion) - he can deal with the fallout  while you STAY AWAY and let the professionals handle it.   

If your dad wants to know when you're coming over, NOPE.  You are following the advice given, which is to isolate and stay away from others, especially if they've been ill.  If your father needs anything he needs to call his DOCTOR.   

If your father wants meals, he can have them delivered or go without -  NO exception. 

What I'd *really* like you to do is practice the words, "Dad, I'm not doing that."

Why? 

"Because I just told you - I'm not doing that."

But who will...!?!?!?   

"I can have groceries delivered and that's it.  Anything else will have to wait."

If he gets extra-waify or extra-insistent, it's time to end the call with, "This is not a discussion."

I'm completely serious about this - and you're sick enough of him that you might just surprise yourself in being firm, non-compliant and NOT willing to put up with *any* rubbish.  You've got enough on your mind  and you don't need your  father's woes on top of it all. 

I had to do something very similar with unNPD Ray, when he thought he could rope me in when it came to his intestinal issues:  either NO trains or too many trains.  He thought I had to take unBPD Didi's place.     

Here was my answer: No.  Either do it yourself or call your doctor.  I can't do that.   

Those are the best words you can say - or variants of them - to learn to protect you and yours.

I'm glad you've had that  come-to-Jesus moment where you realize what your dad's fate is probably going to be - I'm here to tell you you're probably not far from wrong and it's OKAY.   

I thought somebody was going to realize Ray's mail and papers were piling up and call the cops, who'd find him dead or in serious condition at the bottom of the basement stairs, and I was okay with that, because *I can't control another person's actions.*

Neither can you.  We're just mere mortals - and usually, that's fine.

If your dad wants to wait in a chair until somebody has to break in and cart him off  to a hospital and later a care home, that's FINE. 

I doubt your dad will die in that chair - one thing I've discovered about waifs is they're astonishingly resourceful - if he can't get you to do his bidding, he'll find somebody else. 

They always do. 

But that person *does NOT have to be you, your wife, or your children* - nor do any of you have to suffer, be inconvenienced or "make due" with minimized time together because of your dad's unrealistic
expectations.

My advice to you is the same as it's been:  DROP THE ROPE.   

Make yourself impossible to reach.  Don't return calls.  Become completely unreliable, untrustworthy and the LAST person on his list of go-to people, instead of the first.

Focus on your wife and kiddos - you'll be glad you did!

Im just SO RUBBISH at saying a plain NO

I have minimised contact a LOT. BUT I still phone him twice a week and he get it in there.

[p123]

I can't visit you. It's against the rules. I could be a carrier and not know it.  I'm staying away from all elderly people. It's for your own safety.

This it the gold right here.  Remind him that many people will be carriers and have mild symptoms.  The more often we go out, the more people we interact with, the more we spread this pandemic. 

I am sorry but not surprised about his reaction to your wife's upcoming knee surgery.  If anything, I would also use that as an extended excuse to get out of doing anything.  If it were me I'd say that she is going though with the surgery as planned and that you will be attending to her needs as long as it takes....and milk that for all that it is worth.

No I guess I'm not surprised. Last few years when I've gone on holiday hes said something like "Oh dear, oh dear what am I going to do?" then a day later he'll call me and say "Its OK I'll manage - you can go away". Eh? Cant remember asking your permission? Last year when I phoned him after 2 days away he even started one call "Now I don't want you to worry but I had to call the doctor out yesterday". It was SO obvious that he wanted to force home the point that he was so ill and I was going away and leaving him. I worried for less than the time it took to disconnect the call.

Its as if I'm not allowed to have a life, its all got to be done on his terms...

Well, wife will be on crutches for 8 weeks. Not sure how long not driving. Luckily its her left leg and we have an automatic (not all cars in the uk are automatic) so its better.
Of course, Dad wont give a monkeys - his attitude will be "serves her right if shes stuck in now, she knew p had me to look after".

I'll be honest, never have I seen someone who would be better off than Dad in a nursing home. He is basically just a big baby who wants attention all the time.

[Adrianna]

I know all about the phone. My grandmother used to do that too. Acting like she can't hear to talk on the phone when it suits her. They all use the same tricks.
I know if she was still at home she'd be demanding I visit her too even with the pandemic. All that matters to them is attention, and they'd be willing to get sick to get it. If I had the flu she'd still be ok with me visiting, as long as I did the required errands and got her what she needed. How absurd is that? I remember one year I was sick and feeling lousy and she was like " how will I get my blueberries for my cereal?" Screw that. Not my problem. I told her too bad.
You're going to have to be the voice of reason here and stay far away from your father. Do not give in. It's a public safety issue and his disorder prevents him from using good judgment.
Pretty sad that they're willing to expose themselves to illnesses to get waited on by someone.

[Phoenix Rising]

WOW.. I can't believe he said that about your wife's injury and treatment.  In a sense I am not surprised at the big picture though.. basically PDs don't want you to have a life of your own. I hope your wife gets better soon and that you can keep some sanity during this coronavirus situation. Times like these are when they become more entitled and the overall behaviours intensify. I think you could use both the coronavirus and your wife's upcoming treatment as reasons to keep away from him. Milk it!

[p123]

I know all about the phone. My grandmother used to do that too. Acting like she can't hear to talk on the phone when it suits her. They all use the same tricks.
I know if she was still at home she'd be demanding I visit her too even with the pandemic. All that matters to them is attention, and they'd be willing to get sick to get it. If I had the flu she'd still be ok with me visiting, as long as I did the required errands and got her what she needed. How absurd is that? I remember one year I was sick and feeling lousy and she was like " how will I get my blueberries for my cereal?" Screw that. Not my problem. I told her too bad.
You're going to have to be the voice of reason here and stay far away from your father. Do not give in. It's a public safety issue and his disorder prevents him from using good judgment.
Pretty sad that they're willing to expose themselves to illnesses to get waited on by someone.

Yeh exactly the same. In his head, I'll "have to visit because its urgent" and have to take the risk.
Must admit tempted to tell him I've got symptoms just to shut him up.

The "2 inch shuffle walk" is the best. Boxing day shuffled across the restaurant 2 inches at a time on way to bathroom. 2nd time tried to tell me he'd forgottenw here bathroom was. He even tried to get me to go with him to undo his trousers etc. Umm NO WAY. He would honestly have got me to hold the equipment too! (Eww I feel ill now!)

Yet 3 days before, he'd walked 1/2 mile each way to the betting shop because he wanted to bet on the horses. And theres no-one at home when he uses the bathroom either so dont know how he manages it.
1/2 mile, 2 inches at a time would have taken all day.

It upsets me a lot that he does this. I will help him but to make out you're ill when you're not is unforgivable.

[p123]

WOW.. I can't believe he said that about your wife's injury and treatment.  In a sense I am not surprised at the big picture though.. basically PDs don't want you to have a life of your own. I hope your wife gets better soon and that you can keep some sanity during this coronavirus situation. Times like these are when they become more entitled and the overall behaviours intensify. I think you could use both the coronavirus and your wife's upcoming treatment as reasons to keep away from him. Milk it!

Its not out of character with him to be honest.

In his head, hes so ill, he struggles so much, there are so many urgent things, so many things he needs help with. The reality is he does OK living on his own - he has no real "needs" that are not met. Its all blown up massively in his head. Of course, because things are so "critical" with him, then hes sorry to be a burden but I can't help it, but everyone else in the family needs to be understanding.

So wifes operation, is his head means, its going to be an emergency for him if I dont visit like clockwork, so how dare she risk his wellbeing like this????

Very tempted to tell him I've got symptoms so can't visit. Chances are he'll say I've got to and he'll take the chance. He would do that.

Hes listened on the news about clubs etc being cancelled. Schools will be next. Hes already said "So all the kids activities are stopped now then - you'll have time to see me". He even said "Oh I'd imagine you'll come to see me a lot more now then, won't you?" Ummm no

His biggest "scam" is "I've got no food". When I do visit and get food for him, he deliberately tries to order as little as possible. Hey having a months worth in the freezer massively takes away his power to do this. Of course, I get double and he goes mad. Same with milk - in the uk they do Cravendale which is very good. It lasts way longer than normal milk but it costs more. Dad refuses to pay more. Again, takes the "need milk its out of date" argument away.

Home delivery. Offered loads of times. I'll arrange it you just answer the door. Hes managed to avoid so far. "Dont want to pay for it" (I'll pay the £2), "Dont want strangers at my door" (better have a word with postman then), "Dont want to spend that much in one go" (Its £30 - you can afford it).

Of course, he massively doesnt want to open pandoras box on that one - that'd be his main guilt trip tactic gone!

Appaling really that he plays these games...

[_apparentlywicked]

Appaling really that he plays these games

What would your dad say if you told him you feel like he manipulates you? I wasn't conscious of it enough to have said this to him.  I don't know about your dad but mine would go full on nasty about me and my character. Is your dad likely to do that? I just feel frustrated for you that you feel like you have to put up with this. I know how damaging it is. To keep swallowing it down and taking their c##p. But I also know it's inevitably a case of learning to put up with their s##t or removing yourself from their life

❤️❤️

[nanotech]

I agree with everyone else here- the rules are that we stay away from the elderly, especially family.
I've  already told my dad that, a few weeks ago tbh.
It's stupid to take more germs to him- and you know, if he got it, you'd get the 'blame', even if it wasn't you, and they proved it wasn't you- you wouldn't hear the last of it. Ever.

I'm appalled he said your wife should postpone her operation. With the current situation it needs to be done this week before the hospitals get busier. Knee problems are the worst joint issues to have.
We've been short of money since this hit. I mentioned to my dad that I might even take my car off the road for a while, to save money. His silence at the end of the phone spoke volumes. He was clearly banking on me throwing the corona rule book away and revving up to see him very soon, following a waif call from him.

Nope. Nada.

I'm in the high risk group too( over 60 and I've had pneumonia).I should have reminded him of that.
Yes, he's 88 so a lot more vulnerable. That's a fact. But it's also a fact that once diagnosed, isolation, then if needed, health workers and hospitals will deal with dad.
I've been through with him, what he needs to do if he has symptoms. He didn't want to discuss it and there was an attempt to shut me down. Then he said  if he felt he had symptoms,he would ring me first! I said no,  he must ring 111 or 999;  depending on their severity.
NOT ME! What can I do? He has to self -isolate.
I'm not rocking up to the hospital.
I can't go there, catch it and give it to others; just to boost dad's ego.
If I get ill no way will I accept visits from my kids.
The PDS don't think logically. They don't think kindly of others. They never, ever worry about others.

Part of him I think, sort of wants the attention of being a victim of this. But he doesn't want to get severely ill, and he doesn't like that the advice tells family to stay away; and to just self isolate and  get medical help if the symptoms worsen.
He hates all that.
And as regards your possibly one day finding dad dead in the chair, this is also what I have had to resign myself to, and to accept if it happens.
Your stark outlining of that consequence of the wolf -crying that goes on has helped clarify that fact for me. I'll be all the stronger if that happens. Thank you. I'll need to be, with my siblings who may well crumble and finger point a lot%! They still quite often let dad push their buttons, and they humour his frequent unnecessary trips to A&E and the GP. ( also scuppered for the time being by The CVirus)
✌️😊🙈

[p123]

Appaling really that he plays these games

What would your dad say if you told him you feel like he manipulates you? I wasn't conscious of it enough to have said this to him.  I don't know about your dad but mine would go full on nasty about me and my character. Is your dad likely to do that? I just feel frustrated for you that you feel like you have to put up with this. I know how damaging it is. To keep swallowing it down and taking their c##p. But I also know it's inevitably a case of learning to put up with their s##t or removing yourself from their life

❤️❤️

Tried in the past. I get indignation - what me? What have I ever done to hurt anyone?
Then you'll get self pity - woe is me I didnt mean, Im old so its so hard for me. All I want is a little help, I might as well be dead if noone will help.

If he really gets found out - it'll be "im so ashamed of myself, please forgive me" then do exact same thing 3 days later....

Heard it all 100 times before....

[p123]

I agree with everyone else here- the rules are that we stay away from the elderly, especially family.
I've  already told my dad that, a few weeks ago tbh.
It's stupid to take more germs to him- and you know, if he got it, you'd get the 'blame', even if it wasn't you, and they proved it wasn't you- you wouldn't hear the last of it. Ever.

I'm appalled he said your wife should postpone her operation. With the current situation it needs to be done this week before the hospitals get busier. Knee problems are the worst joint issues to have.
We've been short of money since this hit. I mentioned to my dad that I might even take my car off the road for a while, to save money. His silence at the end of the phone spoke volumes. He was clearly banking on me throwing the corona rule book away and revving up to see him very soon, following a waif call from him.

Nope. Nada.

I'm in the high risk group too( over 60 and I've had pneumonia).I should have reminded him of that.
Yes, he's 88 so a lot more vulnerable. That's a fact. But it's also a fact that once diagnosed, isolation, then if needed, health workers and hospitals will deal with dad.
I've been through with him, what he needs to do if he has symptoms. He didn't want to discuss it and there was an attempt to shut me down. Then he said  if he felt he had symptoms,he would ring me first! I said no,  he must ring 111 or 999;  depending on their severity.
NOT ME! What can I do? He has to self -isolate.
I'm not rocking up to the hospital.
I can't go there, catch it and give it to others; just to boost dad's ego.
If I get ill no way will I accept visits from my kids.
The PDS don't think logically. They don't think kindly of others. They never, ever worry about others.

Part of him I think, sort of wants the attention of being a victim of this. But he doesn't want to get severely ill, and he doesn't like that the advice tells family to stay away; and to just self isolate and  get medical help if the symptoms worsen.
He hates all that.
And as regards your possibly one day finding dad dead in the chair, this is also what I have had to resign myself to, and to accept if it happens.
Your stark outlining of that consequence of the wolf -crying that goes on has helped clarify that fact for me. I'll be all the stronger if that happens. Thank you. I'll need to be, with my siblings who may well crumble and finger point a lot%! They still quite often let dad push their buttons, and they humour his frequent unnecessary trips to A&E and the GP. ( also scuppered for the time being by The CVirus)
✌️😊🙈

I did visit yesterday for a short while. He didnt get the "keep your distance" idea so Im not going again.

I bought him tons of food - filled his freezer and all he did was moan he didnt need that much food. Normally he pays but becaus eit was £40 he didnt even pay me for it! Cheers Dad.

Then all he did was moan he was so "down", Me Me ME again. He said I'd have to visit him 2-3 times a week. NO that silly.

[p123]

I agree with everyone else here- the rules are that we stay away from the elderly, especially family.
I've  already told my dad that, a few weeks ago tbh.
It's stupid to take more germs to him- and you know, if he got it, you'd get the 'blame', even if it wasn't you, and they proved it wasn't you- you wouldn't hear the last of it. Ever.

I'm appalled he said your wife should postpone her operation. With the current situation it needs to be done this week before the hospitals get busier. Knee problems are the worst joint issues to have.
We've been short of money since this hit. I mentioned to my dad that I might even take my car off the road for a while, to save money. His silence at the end of the phone spoke volumes. He was clearly banking on me throwing the corona rule book away and revving up to see him very soon, following a waif call from him.

Nope. Nada.

I'm in the high risk group too( over 60 and I've had pneumonia).I should have reminded him of that.
Yes, he's 88 so a lot more vulnerable. That's a fact. But it's also a fact that once diagnosed, isolation, then if needed, health workers and hospitals will deal with dad.
I've been through with him, what he needs to do if he has symptoms. He didn't want to discuss it and there was an attempt to shut me down. Then he said  if he felt he had symptoms,he would ring me first! I said no,  he must ring 111 or 999;  depending on their severity.
NOT ME! What can I do? He has to self -isolate.
I'm not rocking up to the hospital.
I can't go there, catch it and give it to others; just to boost dad's ego.
If I get ill no way will I accept visits from my kids.
The PDS don't think logically. They don't think kindly of others. They never, ever worry about others.

Part of him I think, sort of wants the attention of being a victim of this. But he doesn't want to get severely ill, and he doesn't like that the advice tells family to stay away; and to just self isolate and  get medical help if the symptoms worsen.
He hates all that.
And as regards your possibly one day finding dad dead in the chair, this is also what I have had to resign myself to, and to accept if it happens.
Your stark outlining of that consequence of the wolf -crying that goes on has helped clarify that fact for me. I'll be all the stronger if that happens. Thank you. I'll need to be, with my siblings who may well crumble and finger point a lot%! They still quite often let dad push their buttons, and they humour his frequent unnecessary trips to A&E and the GP. ( also scuppered for the time being by The CVirus)
✌️😊🙈

Wife is so upset she cant work at the moment.

Her op is wednesday unless it gets cancelled. EVen private hospitals are being used by NHS in the uk soon.

She was going to cancel but it'd mean months of her still not being able to do her job,  then another 3 months following an op. Better to get it done now and be fit and healthy in 12 weeks.

Whether on not the op goes ahead shes still hoping she can do some sort of job sitting down (triage nurse maybe). Who knows. But either way she cant do her proper job of District Nurse for now.
Of course, if she goes back to work she'll be high risk then there is no way I can go to see Dad. He'll have a comment about that I'm sure.

[nanotech]

Fingers crossed your wife has her op on Wednesday. 🤞
You've looked after your dad now, so well done on that and remember it because they DON'T.
Then they tend not to stop taking and taking until it actually feels as if they are draining the lifeblood out of you. 
2/3 times a week would be putting you both at risk. And your wife and kids too.

[p123]

Yeh wife is having OP today.

I've tried to avoid Dad. I phoned him today and, as usual, its ME ME ME. He sounded VERY disappointed that wifes Op has gone ahead..... Lovely.

He said I HAD to visit. Umm Dad I'm not supposed to drive around etc. Let alone visit you. And NO I am not visiting the weekend one day after wife comes home. No chance. So hes decided "oh well, you'll definitely come the weekend after then - you're wife will be fine then". No way Dad.

I solved the food problem last weekend. He was not happy. Now hes moaning hes got no cash to pay for "meals on wheels" and needs me to get cash for him. I KNOW hes got cash stashed in the house. I offered to phone "meals on wheels" and pay by card.... "On no its ok I'll manage".

After being up at 530am this am, taking wife to hospital for 7 (had to leave daughter with son for a bit had no choice), rushing home, sorting her out, then rushing to log on to work so I get paid today, Dads crap is not a priority!