Running out of Hope

[Mikeb44]

I have not posted here in awhile due to my life getting turned upside down by my SO. In the last month, I have been criticized for everything, everyday and when she asks me why I look depressed or out of it, she tells me to snap out of it even though she is causing a lot of it. I tried to open up with her about this but when I did, she screamed at me for blaming everything on her and call me explicit names for the next ten minutes. All I said was I was stressed during the weekends due to the environment and how cray it got with our son.

Today was icing on the cake. I was carrying around my son trying to get him and myself ready to go to her parents. I passed her when she was doing something and she said dont walk away from me. I responded by saying I was getting socks and was right around the corner. This is where everything went sideways. She told me how much she hated me being a jerk about everything and never appreciating what she does. I tried to jsut lt it go and medium chill however she went postal and grabbed my son out of my arms, which made him cry, and said she never wanted to see me again and walked out.

I was angry but was not willing to play the game so I let her go and just sat down to breathe. She then after yelling from downstairs comes storming back up and tells me I am acting like a 2 year old about this and to get ready because we are going. I was willing to fight this so I went. I regret it but I was trying to protect my son.

I am unsure what to do next. I keep thinking a divorce may solve this but when I think it through I feel it will only make things worse mainly for my son. I am really lost here and things are only getting worse. Plus I am sinking back into my depression I thought I got figured out because i am unhappy when  she is around.

I am unsure what I am looking for here but any support or advice or even someone that can relate would be really great so I dont feel so alone in this.  Thanks

[notrightinthehead]

Mike, do you think you take most baits? You engage at most opportunities?
I know the feeling of being hopeless and stuck and afraid that things will only get worse and there is nothing I can do about it. It is that confused, emotionally aroused feeling we experience when we are in the fog. What really helped me a lot, was to move my focus from what the other did to what I did. Like in the scene with you getting the socks for your baby. Sounds like you justified and explained in that situation.  A possible other response could have been: Sorry you feel that way, then remove yourself.
Sometimes it is the tone or the volume that makes all the difference. However, we are adults and we do not have to take that kind of abuse. If we do, we might feel depressed as a consequence of it. Is there any way you could find help for your depression?

[coyote]

Mike I can feel your pain. Been there so many times with my uPPDw. Finally got fed up and found this site. When I started standing up for myself by setting Boundaries, not JADEing and stopping the Circular Conversations, things did turn around. Of course we have no children together and I am overall independant, All you can do is try though, what can it hurt.

[Anonymous Member]

Why do you feel a divorce would be worse for your son?