:aaauuugh:
hi all
sometimes i think there should be a new category that we can post in which involves dating/repartnering again...
i have been out for almost 4 years - and due to shared children we are both in the vicinity of each others lives- however he has a new intervention order on him due to coming into my home and putting his hands around my throat one drunken night he had a few months ago...some things dont change no matter how long they go on...
anyway, the point here is that I have spent a good time alone and kind of like it for the first time in my life!
sometimes I come to the place where I think i would like to date again and dip my toe into online dating.
last week I agreed to meet up with someone and we met for a coffee- he was lovely, then we met the next day for an iced coffee..
we texted during week and had a couple of calls...then we planned to catch up on the next saturday...and so it begins
I am home with kids, he is working. he texts me 'lets both make a list of 5 things to do on saturday and send to each other' I agreed in between feeding children and preventing them from punching each other.
i then received 3 messages...1. a list of one very romantic option 2. a list of a very fun option and 3. 'well option 3 then seeing as you have not responded'....that was his message when I did not reply in a whole 12 minutes!!
so this is where i start to reflect on returning to dating.
1. people are not perfect
2. we are the only ones who can decide what we will tolerate
3. having a relationship with a disordered person in the past can greatly impact an ability to determine what behaviour is ok in the future- eg. was his message a dealbreaker? or was it just a hurdle?
I decided it was a red flag. I ended the connection and said farewell.
with an explanation that I do not get involved in these interactions anymore.
:stars:
so I jumped in for one week, and then jumped out again
does that mean I am still scarred and scared? or that i am healed and not prepared to compromise my sanity
not sure yet :)
That only means you now have zero tolerance for disordered individuals, now that you know the damage and mayhem that they can cause. This only means that you can spot a red flag a mile off, which is excellent news.
I am personally on a dating diet for a while as I need to work on on my boundaries. You sound like you have an yours is in place! Well done 2nice.
thank you for the encouragement boat babe. that is really nice to hear
I think if you see a red flag, you know now it's something that shouldn't be ignored. Good for you, keep your life on your terms.
Definitely a red flag and well done for spotting it.
I once got a text from my PDFIL whilst at work, before I had even read the text I had received another one "Hi EM, it looks like your phone is broken".