Nsibling thoughts.

[I.Matter]

This forum has been so therapeutic!   I feel that the Universe led me to this forum.  My random thoughts today.
1. Why are PD siblings so envious?  I give compliments to both of them (you look so pretty,  I love such and such) and I'm genuine.   The older sibling NEVER complimented me.  EVER!  My Mom NEVER complimented either.   She lumps everyone in the same category.  If the younger sibling  offended her, then I also did it and I'm given the silent treatment or punished.   The younger sibling perfected the narcissistic stare.   She stared at me intently for a full minute or more.   Once that was over she always made some sort of comment about my face such as my lips look different or my face looks different.  She competed with anything that happened to me.  If I had a splinter in my toe, she had a branch sticking out of hers. 

2.   Why do the N or PDs compete constantly?   I've had therapists compete with me and basically compare their lives to mine while I paid them for therapy.   Once when I told a therapist that I was moving and she said that she was thinking about selling her house and moving to a condo but she would pay a full years rent up front so she wouldn't have to worry about it since she had the money.    We then talked about her condo.  In other words the session that I was paying for became about her.    This one also competed with me about clothes.  So strange.   What I noticed is these therapists were trying to get their needs met in my sessions or they are working out their own mess in  my sessions.   Another therapist stated that I try really hard to look young because I work out and take care of myself?   This therapist appeared not to take care of herself.   Both of these therapists were around my age.   Most people are like this with me..at least those who are PD.   Am I giving off some sort of vibe?  I don't brag and I'm relatively quiet.

3.   The younger sibling lied a lot.  She was in everyone's business whether she knew them or not from reality TV stars or the clerk at Kroger.    She would make up grandiose stories about anything and speak like she was an expert.    She wanted to be everyone's friend and gave compliment after compliment to total strangers...no back handed compliments!   
The men probably thought that she was flirting with them, she's married.  She once told me that I was unapproachable out of the blue.   But she certainly didn't have friends knocking on her door or calling.    This one talked and talked and about herself none stop and she had terrible listening skills.   It was like a loop (my head would spin).

4.  Projection-  The younger sibling started telling me how the older sibling stole from our Mom when she was POA by setting up an off shore account and sending money weekly to the account...this caused our Mom to changed the POA to her.   Once the younger became the POA, I believe that she was skimming money from our Mom's accounts.   She ran a heavy duty smear campaign to get me to believe the lies?    I never saw any documents so in my mind both of them could have been dishonest.  My older sibling came across a receipt where our Mom gave the younger sibling 40K when the younger sibling was confronted, she lied and said that she didn't know anything about it although it was documented and in black and white.   Why would she do that?   At the same time, I was unemployed and barely holding on but our Mom refused to help me out even with food. 

5.  Why do N do the one up or compete and project? Even therapists who are paid to listen and lift one up?   As a result I am a  lone wolf.  I don't trust and don't have any friends. 

[notrightinthehead]

That really sounds like an awful accumulation of bad experiences.
At least you can switch therapists when they make it all about themselves. Not so easy with siblings. I would stay away from them too. I hope you have some sort of support network in real life that encourages you to be kind to yourself.

[I.Matter]

That really sounds like an awful accumulation of bad experiences.
At least you can switch therapists when they make it all about themselves. Not so easy with siblings. I would stay away from them too. I hope you have some sort of support network in real life that encourages you to be kind to yourself.

Yes, I'm working on the right therapist.  I've lived in this crazy time and brushed everything under the rug.  I am surprised that I've been strong enough to carry on.  Thanks notrightinthehead for your kind response.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Hello IMatter and welcome to the forum.
   
So many of us here experience similar. I have an older NPD GC sibling too. She would stare at me like you said your sister did, then make some derogatory comment about my appearance. By the way, I always thought I looked better than her if anyone was comparing since I was taller and thinner with long blonde hair to her shorter, plumper, acne-prone face. She even got worse grades in school. I was always quieter, softer spoken, and way more supportive to her. Why she was mean to me I never knew. I figured with her competitive nature, she felt she did not measure up so had to knock me down. That behavior of hers never stopped. I went NC with her three years ago, and wish I would have done it earlier.   
               
You ask good questions ..... why are they envious, why do they compete and why do they lie? Why do they feel entitled to take money from a parent as we ask for or get nothing?  (My sister took $10K that I know of.)  The only answer I can suggest is because it is PD people doing what PD's do. It is the dysfunction playing out in real time.
     
As far as a therapist goes, if you realize one is not working then drop them and look for another. Some of them do seem to have other agendas or are still working through their own issues. 

I am sorry about all of that. It is not your fault. You did not do anything wrong. With the awareness that you now have, you can instill boundaries. PDs rarely change, but you get to decide how much presence you allow them in your life.