Uncomfortable chairs

[OverHere]

This is going to sound so stupid but I am confused about it.  A group I go to meets in someone's home.  Half the chairs are comfortable and they are taken by the same people every time, one of those people is the homeowner, one of them is the group's (seems to be obligatory) uPD member.  The remaining chairs are very uncomfortable, so much so that I took my own seating. 

A large part of me wants to leave. If I say I can't go anymore, and say why, is that me being manipulative?  Does any solution that is arranged oblige me to continue going?

Somehow I think the uncomfortable chairs are not the accident they appear to be.  My family works like that.  Express an emotion, and the chairs are going to be the least of your worries.

Why have I stayed this long?  One or two nice people and they seem very thin on the ground where I live.  I try not to backstab, so I have no idea how they cope.

[Cascade]

What would happen if you arrived earlier and sat in one of the comfortable chairs?

[bloomie]

OverHere - what was the reaction or response when you brought your own chair? Clearly your host knows some of the chairs are not comfortable because they avoid sitting in them.

If the group is bringing some positivity to your life overall, I would keep going and bring my own chair as you did. That was a great solution. Are you treated with kindness and respect otherwise?

I agree that the group dynamics around seating are pretty fascinating and can reveal a lot in some cases or nothing at all depending on the situation, but are always entertaining to me to observe. 

[OverHere]

Cascade, hi.  I have thought about that before, but to me it seems like just kicking the can down the road.  Someone else would have to sit in the bad chairs, and if they don't want to, it would create a race to get there first - and this is someone's home, there are limits to how early you can arrive.

I did arrive early once or twice by accident, so have tried the good chairs.

I think what needs to happen is for the person in charge to sit in one of those chairs for 90 minutes and since it's their home, they are always going to "arrive first" and are unlikely to do that.

[OverHere]

bloomie thank you for your reply. The reaction was bemused but accepting. I've thought about upgrading to deck chair which is more comfortable but will create more of a fuss on arrival as it's bigger.

I'm guessing the host doesn't know how uncomfortable the chairs are, as they are dining chairs and sitting at a table is generally less uncomfortable as you can lean forward on the table periodically.  I think they are sitting in their favourite habitual armchair without consideration.  They take no interest in the people around them, perhaps due to hearing problems.

I would not say I am treated with kindness or respect at the moment.  Things I say are shut down or ignored, probably because the group is upset about something they refuse to talk about (an important member leaving with notification but no explanation)  Thank you, that was a good question and no, this group is not adding anything good to my life that I can see.

Yes group dynamics are fascinating maybe even crucial.  I only recently learned that in male groups, those with merit or ability rise to the top, but in female groups, the most recent arrival is always the bottom of the heap.  If you don't know this, it's going to be hard to interpret what happens to you.

OverHere - what was the reaction or response when you brought your own chair? Clearly your host knows some of the chairs are not comfortable because they avoid sitting in them.

If the group is bringing some positivity to your life overall, I would keep going and bring my own chair as you did. That was a great solution. Are you treated with kindness and respect otherwise?

I agree that the group dynamics around seating are pretty fascinating and can reveal a lot in some cases or nothing at all depending on the situation, but are always entertaining to me to observe.

[Cascade]

Well in that case I think it would be a good idea to leave the group if you are able.

[OverHere]

Thank you Cascade I keep thinking about what the group used to be like but that's fantasy and
I think you are right

Well in that case I think it would be a good idea to leave the group if you are able.