Changing from 5/2/2/5 to 7/7 parenting time. Advantages? Disadvantages?

[pushit]

My oldest has been complaining lately that she doesn't like the 5/2/2/5 schedule and wants to switch to a week on/week off plan.  I like the idea, and I'm sure we'll switch to that at some point.  We chose 5/2/2/5 at the time of the divorce because S5 is a little too young for 7/7 in the eyes of the court.  However, I asked my attorney and he said the courts will allow it if we want it.

I've been thinking about it and am trying to figure out if it would make things easier or harder.  The obvious advantage for everyone is it's a simpler schedule, the kids don't have to bounce back and forth between houses every couple of days, and it makes scheduling things easier for me.

One downside I see is that under the current situation I am in complete control of two weeknights every week.  Mom overschedules the kids like crazy with activities, so on her nights it's like being in a tornado for the kids.  I intentionally keep my nights more calm, and one of the nights is left wide open so they can get ahead on homework.  If we go to a 7/7 schedule, then Mom and I have to coordinate all of the weeknights and I could see her placing more control over the schedule in my house, since she will have potential influence over every night.  Of course I can always manage this and just say no to some activities, but then it's the trap of Mom making the kids mad at me since I won't "allow" them to do something.  The inevitable PD catch-22.

So. I'd love to hear some thoughts from others who are doing week on/week off parenting time.  How does it work for you?  Would you recommend that over a 5/2/2/5?  What other things should I think about before making the switch?

Thanks!

[Penny Lane]

No advice because we have a very screwy schedule. But it's funny, DSS has been making a really big push to go to week on/week off too. Like you, I really like the idea and so does DH. We're kicking around whether he should bring it up to BM. In our case there's really not a downside, it's more consistent and stable for everyone. But BM would have to live with the consequences of her own bad parenting (like, cranky kids after keeping them up late) and anyway her kneejerk is to say no to anything DH asks for. So we'll see. I'll be following this thread with interest.

[Stepping lightly]

Hi-

We used to have a 7/7 and it definitely has it's pros and cons.

Definitely loved having the kids for a solid week uninterrupted.  This gives the kids a couple of days to relax from the exchange and settle into your household.  I'm  not sure if it's better or worse than shorter exchanges, but sadly it's a bit like a roller coaster.  First 24ish hours were re-adjusting to being with us, kids settle in for the week, end of the week the anxiety starts to creep back in and it gets tough until the kids go back to BM.  It was very obvious right before exchange that the anxiety was through the roof. 

BM absolutely dictated activities on our time.  Our evenings were absolutely INSANE, she signed them up for everything under the sun.....on the other side of town.  We had to do a lot of sitting at Starbucks killing time because there was no use going home between school and activities.  If you change the schedule, I would make sure you have also add that both parents have to agree to activities that would happen on their time...so BM can't schedule you guys like crazy- and if she does you can opt out of what you don't agree to.  I know it doesn't work that easy in practice, they will get kiddo buy-in to the activity so anything you push back on you will have an angry kid.  Our provision also says that if BM signs the kids up for something without DH's agreement, DH doesn't have to pay for the activity either.    Honestly, COVID has been a bit of a blessing in this regard with the reduction in in-person activities....our time with the kids is a bit protected from being overrun by literally HOURS and HOURS and HOURs of driving. 

Also, if you change your schedule- I recommend having Thursday or Friday as an exchange day.  We originally had Weds-Weds, which meant scheduling vacations etc was much more difficult.  Friday also is a clean end to one week with a weekend to adjust before a new school week, so it seems to disrupt things less.

[Tinkerbell12]

hi Pushit I am in the same sharing the kids environment. I must say when the kids were under 10, the shorter split 2/3/4 days arrangement worked better for them. Now as they turned into early years teenagers, they totally prefer 7 days change over. To be honest, it has proven to be so much better for everyone. They are happier to carry over all their stuff once a week only, all the parents involved are able to make plans, seriously, it's much better. I get your point you are concerned about the mom being too much so the shorter arrangement works better for you, but at the end, you really can't control much what she does with them no matter how long/short the swapping arrangement is. The 7 days arrangement just brings much more stability in for everybody, I do recommend.

[athene1399]

We never found a schedule that worked. When I started seeing SO the parental alienation was pretty bad and he had a difficult time getting time with SD when he was the custodial parent. We eventually got it to every-other or every second day we switched. If add was with BM for long periods of time, we had trouble getting her back on our nights.

When BM took SO to court to get custody, both her and SD hated the schedule. After BM lost in court we threw out some suggestions to change the schedule to but both her and SD said hey liked it the way it was.

I honestly don't have a lot of advice aside what whatever you agree to, stick to it without swapping days.