Birthday

[Twinkletoes88]

Hi guys.

So it's my birthday next weekend and a few days ago my mother text me for the first time in ages (like a month) to ask what I wanted. Long story short she booked me tickets to a show that I want to see which is amazing and I'm very grateful for.

But...

But she text me last night to say she's given my card and tickets to my Nan who I'm seeing for lunch tomorrow and basically said enjoy the show.

What she didn't do was ask to see me. She hasn't suggested meeting up or asked when I'm free etc. We've not seen each other for 2.5 months now (we live ten mins away from each other).

I know I should probably just be grateful that I don't have to spend days feeling anxious or coming back feeling upset when I experience the emotional distance between us, but it feels horrible to be honest. It feels like a rejection. Maybe another sign of the distance between us? I find myself wondering why she hasn't asked or doesn't want to see me.

I shouldn't be surprised, it was like this at Xmas. We got each other presents but only met for one hour in a restaurant on the 20th December and that was it. But it's my birthday...

No question really I suppose... just venting to people that may understand. It would have been nice if she wanted to see me that's all.

[TriedTooHard]

Hi, my uNPDm is ignoring and aloof, and I'm not part of her n supply. 

So, after I read your first sentence,  I thought, "Ohh, if she tells her what she wants, she'll get something completely different."

Then I read your 2nd sentence and thought, "ohh, maybe her mom has n traits, not PD, and there's a little hope here."

Then I read after, and thought "Yep, there it is, a classic uNPD mom's birthday fiasco...."

Yes, it is a horrible feeling.  In her own way, she probably does want to see you, but on her terms, which probably includes you making multiple attempts to contact her and arrange a time to go see her or meet up with her, only for it to be a disappointing visit.

I hope you have a happy birthday with your FOC.

[SunnyMeadow]

Then I read after, and thought "Yep, there it is, a classic uNPD mom's birthday fiasco...."
Yes, it is a horrible feeling.  In her own way, she probably does want to see you, but on her terms, which probably includes you making multiple attempts to contact her and arrange a time to go see her or meet up with her, only for it to be a disappointing visit.

My uNPDmom would do something similar to yours Twinkletoes. A passive aggressive way to show me what she thinks of me. I'm sorry she's making you feel bad about your birthday outing.

I've read so many times about personality disordered people making holidays and birthdays about them and their feelings. It's 100% true with my mother. She gets irritable, angry and waify about perceived insults and slights during holidays just so the attention was on her. I never understood this until I really learned about this disorder and read how many other people dealt with this too.

I know you're feeling sad she hasn't made any effort to see you. I mean, she's your mother but I'd truly take it as a gift of calm. By not arranging to see you, you can be sure of a birthday spent just the way you want. I usually spent my birthday going to lunch with my mother so I could keep the peace. I'd be a mess of emotions as she's making the lunch about her hurt feelings over something.