Things have been somewhat calm. I don't have much time right now but wanted to put this here so as not to forget later.
I slipped and shared emotional info with Updh. He gave unsolicited advice which I didn't take. He then got angry at me for not doing it his way. Lots of projection and reading way too much into my not taking his advice (eg I was telling him he's dumb).
Lesson reminded....I can not share with him. Mc is king. This makes me sad though. I should be able to share with my h.
of course you should. And there are people out there who can. This is what we long for and have to pretend we have - true intimacy, kindness, support with/from our spouse. The lack of it and my willingness to live without it all my marriage made me rage for hours, days, weeks once I was out.
Wow Not Right ITH,
That speaks to me. I feel a lot of rage and sadness, but I am still with unpdh. I realize feelings are not what I base my life on which keeps me sane. I feel what I feel, and move forward for myself however I need to.
Sometimes I am better off not responding to what I feel, but what I see and sense to be true.
This keeps my life more serene while I deal with what I feel on my own. It is sad, but I wonder if more common than not. Our culture is changing and usury of other people is more and more common.
I just heard a professor from another country speak of how younger generations do not feel, they live a robotic kind of life, hooking up, not feeling really anything. He actually said he was terrified of the future after his research.
We are, or have been, with people like that for years on this forum. Sad to think it is getting worse for those who will follow us.
Sometimes a period of calm and the outward adult appearance of pdh will make me slip and share to much to no good end.
Even though I've been out for two years and divorced for one, I still long for that partner, and sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake leaving my OCPDxh. I want that friend that I thought I had - a confidant and that person who was supposed to share life's burdens - isn't that a part of marriage?
Slipping is so understandable and I completely empathize with your grieving over it. You should be to share with your h and it stinks that you can't.
I'm so sorry to hear this happened. I have slipped, too, only to be reminded why I stopped sharing in the first place.
I completely understand the frustration, sadness and loneliness that you are feeling. I'm glad you posted, to remember later.
Just chiming in because I'm there with you. Sometimes H can feign sympathy/empathy, like, if I get hurt, but he soon forgets about it.
I was mowing this weekend, so I had ample time to sob my eyes out. It is so sad that we can say something completely innocuous, then almost immediately regret even speaking.
Losing myself.... Yes, that exactly. Right away I knew it couldn't be good. And he uses this fake thing off accusing me of not having empathy for him. He projects his negativity onto me, as if I said to him that he's stupid etc. Meanwhile really he is implying that I am incapable of making good choices for myself. It's sad. Used to be infuriating to me, now it's mostly just sad.
Quote from: 11JB68 on July 12, 2021, 09:35:41 PM
Used to be infuriating to me, now it's mostly just sad.
This is the perfect summary of how I feel about my marriage at this point. Things will be ok, then he exabits an unhealthy behavior. I think, "Oh, that again" and I go about my day. It really is sad.
That..
then kick myself for forgetting that this is how it is...