Gutted

[JenniferSmith]

I am very sorry for your loss. I am also very sad that your brother felt no way out of his problems, and I feel for his wife and children. I hope they have access to support and resources. Please take good care of yourself, too.

[Liketheducks]

It looks like he went off an antidepressant rather suddenly.  Not tapered, not advised by his doctor.   The withdrawal would have been at its height just as my mother arrived and holidays and money issues all culminated in this result.   

[moglow]

That's heartbreaking, Liketheducks. Sounds like he was overwhelmed and that's all he saw. Sometimes we're truly blind to the windows all around us.

As you said originally:

Everyone one of us is worthy.   Everyone of us is beautiful.   Everyone of us is stardust.   You have love all around you.   Even from random strangers on a blog.   

We all need to hold on to this, just as we're holding you through this.

[Leonor]

((((like the ducks)))))

[treesgrowslowly]

I am so sorry for your loss.

Trees

[mustard_seed]

Liketheducks, I'm so sorry for your loss and am praying for your peace and healing. <3 I have some friends I worry about at this time of year. A good reminder to reach out.

[Liketheducks]

Praying for peace for tomorrow.   Spent the day helping my SIL finalize arrangements, because I can do the whole emotional repression thing and carry on.   Mom is in pieces and utterly in a shame space for her contribution....but believes it was in his childhood and not now.   (I'm sure there was some now + childhood in this).   Found him a nice place.   Came home after a day full of making all the hard decisions and mom wanted me to write her version of his obit.   I get it, she's utterly devastated.   We all are.   I spent 5 minutes writing something and sent it to a writer friend to ask for help and accompanied my brother's wife to chose plots and caskets.  My mom was at home all day and told me that we were supposed to write this all together and criticized me for not writing it with her...that hurt....there is so much I can do.   Writing feelings that I'm not entirely certain she had (thought I'm certain she's in enormous pain) is beyond my capacity right now.    I know that no one is at their best in these circumstances....particularly not my waify bpd mom.   Literally, I came home from making the arrangements and prepared her like my SIL prepared my 8 yr old niece for what she might see at tomorrow's burial.   I am firmly in parentification mode.  Mom is utterly crushed and doesn't have the bandwidth to adult in any capacity...(Not that I would).  Honestly, folks......shoot me some prayers and good vibes tomorrow as I bury my baby brother.  He never came Out of the FOG and tried so hard to make us all "happy Family". 

[Poison Ivy]

You're in my thoughts, Liketheducks. This is a horrible situation and I hope you can get through it, moment by moment, breath by breath.

[frogjumpsout]

You're in my thoughts, liketheducks. Your family is so lucky to have you there and I hope you have a lot of time to recover after tomorrow.

[wisingup]

Lighting a virtual candle for you, Liketheducks.  Keeping you in my thoughts through a very tough day tomorrow.

[Liketheducks]

My mom is telling everyone how this tragedy has "brought us together".  Hasn't actually talked to me about anything.   And, I'm ashamed to say I felt nothing but relief when I left. 

[moglow]

Sometimes all we can do for our own sanity is let their stuff go and steer clear of it.

[walking on broken glass]

Please don't be ashamed, Liketheducks. Relief is a perfectly normal emotion to have. Please look after yourself. Try to minimize contact as much as possible and tend to your own healing. My thoughts are with you

[nanotech]

Just sending my thoughts and lots of hugs for you. XxxxX