What Einstein never really said

[feralcat]

Apparently. Or any of the US presidents.

I.e. That the definition of insanity is to keep repeating the same actions in the hope that eventually it will result in a different outcome.

As long as I keep on this journey, I discover new epiphanies.
Initially they were about others. Oh, I didn't realise my mother was probably Unpd, or that my whole family was actually dysfunctional, or that I'd been abused for most of my life etc etc.
Then I moved on to myself. My part in this. How I enabled it, how I repeated the same patterns over and over. How I needed to learn to instate ( enstate ?) boundaries , and individuate. Break free of the Borg , and grow up.

A big one recently has been to decide that I need to woman up and say No to situations that really make the Nice Girl in me squirm. The ones that have made me realise that the above quote is spot on.

A few examples -
I need to say that I won't accompany my H to his 'best' friends house, hours drive away. Every time I go I'm either left to wander off into town, or left with whichever lady is around. Every time . Presumably because the wimminfolk can entertain each other. I do like said friend btw, but this isn't an episode of the Stepford Wives.
I need to just say 'No' to visiting MIL with H , or at least to only once a year. Knowing that that act will be awkward for him, and he'll feel conflicted ( not due to anything I do. I'd be happy never to see her again ). In the nearly 25  years I've known her, she's never been pleasant. No idea why. I've been . Went from confusion to hurt, to dislike to indifference ( last time I went, she 'forgot' to get me any food in. I've been a vegetarian since .....forever. I just laughed and said no problem, I'll go shopping. My H wanted to go with me, which I don't think was in her game plan)
My unPdM is 90 in a couple of weeks. She's typical of the unPdM s in our elderly PD section. Totally irrational, waify, blaming, hypochondriac. Tries to buy everyone. I thought I could make myself tolerate her until the end. She flits between this approach and trying to love bomb me. Presumably because somewhere inside she realises that im the child most justified in telling her to take a running jump ( only 68 lol). After her birthday I'm only going to talk on the phone ...once a fortnight ? If she behaves.

Anyway, I suppose what I'm trying to say is that , although I've made great headway in putting up boundaries with the easier to tackle things , I obviously have a way to go with the more complex bits. The ones that involve probably coming up against those closer to me, who have their own reasons not to want to Rock the Boat.

But I need to. I don't want to give these people my precious remaining time.
I found that thinking about the lines of the Insanity quote helps me to place the real stumbling block where it really belongs.
In my own head.

Back to reading The Nice Girl Syndrome ! Again. Sigh.