Getting pd to leave (update)

[CagedBirdSinging]

Hi there, I posted about our situation a while ago. We do not own a home, we are renting (not in US). I want to get away from my diagnosed narcissist pdH and I wrote here about wanting to get him to leave the house, so me and kids could stay here.

Since then I have come to accept that it would be virtually impossible to get this man to leave the house. He is lazy and manipulative and would cling on to the place just to spite me. So I need to leave asap and find a new place for me and kids to rent.

BUT there is a housing crisis in my country and I cannot find anywhere to rent. There are no houses within my budget. I have been searching for weeks. I can't find any where.

I cannot go back to my parents house because my M is pd too, and her toxic co dependency would make life unbearable- and might even drive me back to H (it has happened before). I don't have any friends I could stay with, not long term with 2 kids. Funny how you end up drifting away from friends when married to a pd, but that's a whole other conversation...

I feel so trapped. I wish I could get H to leave so me and kids could stay here. I would try to kick him out but he has nowhere to go. He moved here 'for me' so his friends and family are in another country pretty far away. If I threw him out he would be homeless. I have thought about finding him a flat, getting his stuff moved while he is at work, then just telling him his new address! Obviously I would also have our locks changed.
But I know that is very extreme and wouldn't work. (Would it?!)

Sorry I don't want to come across as desperate, but I suppose I am. Things have been getting worse and worse lately. I just need a way to get out of this.
Any suggestions welcome!

[hhaw]

Call the police if he puts his hands on you... threatens you... if he throws the tv remote too hard.... report it and have him removed from the premises if you can.

Most women resist reporting assaults and threats and anything... esp when kids are involved.   I did.  It's regretful,  IME.

It will be easier to find him a single room rental, in someone's home during this time of economic chaos, than it will to find a different home for and your children.

Perhaps it's time to call your old friends up, and tell them what's been going on for you.  They might have better ideas..... great ideas.  You need support, from sane stable people.  Find them.  Cultivate a good plan, and stick to it.

Less contact with the stbx is better.  You'll start feeling like yourself, and be  a more effective problem solver... more responsive for your children, etc.

I wish you the best possible outcome,

[Blackbird11]

CagedBird, have you consulted with an attorney? I would recommend that before doing anything. That way you know what actions you can take within reason, according to local law. Once you know what you can legally do, then you make a decision. Also, like hhaw tells us, document his behavior!

My mom is a uPD too, and I am faced with possibly having to move in with her with my son if I can't find a place to live once my house sells, or if my uPDh decides to engage me in a court battle. I would say it's not ideal but I could manage her for a few months (at least until next spring) when hopefully the pandemic will be over and I will have a better grasp on finances.

I'm not saying it's healthy to go back to our moms, but if you think you could manage based on the tools here for a few months - it might buy you time. If that would be infinitely worse, are there any local womens/domestic abuse organizations you can reach out to? They might be able to connect you with temporary housing and/or legal advice.