How to Respond to BPD Sister

[LiftedOut]

My BPD sister also has a very heavy behavior of MBProxy.  She diagnosis everyone in the family with something. She knows my DD has C-pTSD after a very painful life event and also from a sexual assault rape in high school. Sister is in therapy and has now told me our late mother had BPD. Said her therapist has no doubt. She did have severe anxiety and an ED all my life. But it just seems hard to have her throw out diagnosis' to our late mom. She said she thinks my DD may have BDD.  I just have to not engage too much. The second I defend her and say I don't agree she just claims I'm in denial. My dad would be broken if he thought she was discussed this way. It's messed with my head and my heart. Broken that mom may be mis-labeled after she's gone.  My DD might would want to go NC if she even knew about this conversation.   I responded by listening but feel guilty for giving it any attention.   I'm not even sure I believe she's diagnosed with BPD. I'm thinking NPD.

[guitarman]

**** Trigger Warning ****

Welcome. You are not alone.

What you posted about is very familiar to me.

I have an undiagnosed BPD/NPD sister. She diagnoses everyone else in our family with mental health issues.

She has called us all dysfunctional yet she is the one who threatens suicide frequently and rages when she can't cope or can't get what she wants. She has upset so many people.

She has alienated everyone in our family because of her abusive behaviour.

I wouldn't take any credence from what your sister has said or take her beliefs seriously. She's not a trained mental health professional.

My sister has said some very hurtful things about our family. I can never believe what she says as she makes things up or exaggerates. Then she believes her own delusions. They then become her own truths. It's all very sad really.

Whenever I refer to my sister I make sure to say that she is undiagnosed as I'm not a mental health professional.

We need to be careful about what terms we assign to people.

I don't know what conditions my sister should be diagnosed with even after talking about her to mental health professionals for decades and researching about mental illness.

Maybe your sister is projecting her issues onto other people. What she says about them is maybe what she recognises in herself. So maybe she is the one who has all those conditions, not them.

She maybe deliberately trying to provoke you into anger so beware of that. Don't feed the narcissistic supply.

Perhaps she knows exactly how to push all your buttons to get the reaction that she craves by deliberately upsetting you.

There are techniques such as Medium Chill and Grey Rock you can use to not get consumed by your sister's issues.

Observe, don't absorb.

Keep calm. Stay strong. Stay safe. Keep posting.