Another New Question

[tommom]

I haven't been here in a while and here I am again! Twice in a week!

Just had another one.

I was an editor for years, have written innumerable articles, blogs, etc. but now I have decided, in my dotage, to write novels and self-publish them. I won't make a forture (oh, well I can dream, but being serious...) with enough of them and reasonably small sales for each, I can make enough for a nice vacation, redo the kitchen a bit, etc. You get the picture; make my life a little better.

So, I am going to use some online sales to pay the very small amount of money I need to seed my first book's publication so I don't have to ask him for it and I have been talking about it with my NPDh and a few minutes ago he said, "I think we should put together a contract...."

What???

Honestly, I flipped out. Really pi$$ed off. I know he has to feel in control and he wants everything to be his, but just NO. I think I ran him off from the idea, but do you think this will return? He is a very greedy man and I kind of never have cared before, but these are going to be my babies. No, nada, uhuh.

Any advice, legal, friendly or otherwise??

[SonofThunder]

Hello Tommom,

I'm not certain I fully understand your post. I could assume that the idea of a contract with which your NPDh is referring, is suggested between two parties; A: party one is you/he as a legal couple and party two, a publisher.  B: He meant a contract between you as party one, and he as party two. 

For starters, (discussing B) in the USA state in which I live, a hand-written contract (no lawyer) such as this, between two married persons, is useless as a legally binding agreement in a divorce. But also in my state, income derived from either spouse in the timespan of a marriage is considered marital property unless it was inheritance (not certain about a gift vs inheritance).  If B is his intent, imo it is an attempt at control you, but also a question of his trust of you, which is a foundational cornerstone of marriage.  If you and he have current sources of extra money that each of you have earned individually and have spent freely in the past as individuals, then your NPDh's new interest is not only a new suggestion for control, but also selfish and paranoia (and possibly hypocrisy) if individual incomes have been produced/not-questioned in the past. 

Regarding A: Imo, you hold all the power in any decision because you are the writer.  If there is no writer or writing, there is no need for any contract.  If (A) was the intent, I would simply state to your NPDh that his unsolicited suggestion has been heard, but that you choose, as the writer, to proceed without a contract with the publisher, but if that if he ever decides to become a writer himself, he can obtain all the contracts he desires with a publisher.   

Lastly, you wrote:

"I have been talking about it with my NPDh.." 

Was there some need to obtain NPDh's approval or desire his professional opinion on something related to your writing/publishing?  If not, why was your writing discussed with NPDh at all?  One of the things I had to learn (A toolbox boundary), was that unless a topic was required to be discussed with my PDw, I would not discuss. Imo, its similar to the toolbox tool of noJADE.  E=explain (even if your explaining is unsolicited) and is purely fuel for the PD's manipulation. Instead, you may desire to choose a friend to talk to about your exciting ideas, vs your NPDh. 

SoT

[tommom]

Thank you, SofT. As for yuor last commment, I'm just so excited about my new book, I think its good (but then we think all of our babies are beautiful, as they say - 'baby' as in I gave birth to it, I mean) so I love to talk about it, read passages,etc.

He meant a contract between the two of us (which sounds strange to me, we are married this year for 50 years) but he has developed some odd behaviors as he is getting older, so...don't know what to say. It made no sense to me at all.

I will say that we have always spoken freely to one another about what we are doing. I guess that's over now.

Thanks so much for the legal input too. I have heard that about 'all monies unless inherited'. He really is getting controlling though(always has been to some extent) but never interferred with anything I've created before. It felt terribly violating. And  we have always made our own money and pooled/shared or spent as we saw fit. In big things we've talked about it, but not in a small way.

Thank you for your reply.

Does he trust me? I don't know. He has typically narc behaviors, so possibly.

[notrightinthehead]

I still don't understand what this contract is supposed to be about. Maybe that the income created from it will be all yours and he gets no share from it?

I second SoT's suggestion to rather talk to a friend about your plans, I found that my NPDh always put a dampener on anything I discussed with him.

[Srcyu]

Does he mean a contract with whoever you'll sell your books through? I took the "we" part of his sentence to convey that yes, he wants in on your venture and wants a contract in place to make sure he can keep an eye on things.

[Truthseeker1]

Wow! Sorry to hear he is that way. I don't know what his skill set is but this could actually be a gift in disguise. If he was implying a contract between the two of you and he had any useful skill to offer, I would give him one. The purpose of a contract is to clearly define expectations right. You want that anyway. What better way than in writing. He can't manipulate that. If you were working with a publisher there would be a contract right? You write the contract. If you have done this before or have been in this field you probably know the steps. What if the contract stipulates the percentage of the proceeds that go to each party in proportion to the work they perform. Getting paid entails a lot more than just writing a book.  Break it down for him. Show him all the steps and who is going to do each step. Give yourself a percentage for each part you do. Give him a percentage for each part he does. If he does nothing then his percentage is nothing. If he does part then let him come along for the ride. That may be the best way to keep his hand out of your pocket later on. If he writes his own book then you can sign a contract for his book too.
Of course you can't let him take responsibility for anything you don't trust him to do according to your standard.
That may actually be the worst advice on this forum or it may be just the ticket.  You know him best. Best wishes on the project!

[IsleOfSong]

I'd recommend keeping your creative project totally separate from the spouse — in fact, I'd view it as a healthy escape from your husband's orbit. Mingling the two may very well lead to him trying to dictate what you do, how often you do it, and so on — and then it will cease to be pleasurable. Just my 2 cents.

[MountainMan21]

I would try to keep your thing as just your thing as much as possible.  I feel like once it becomes a joint venture it will turn into something he can try to control, which would ultimately probably kill the joy you get out of it.

[downwiththefog]

I would try to keep your thing as just your thing as much as possible.  I feel like once it becomes a joint venture it will turn into something he can try to control, which would ultimately probably kill the joy you get out of it.

absolutely