sister with a sadistic type of narcissism?

[desertpine]

So I just had a disturbing revelation and I don't know how true it is, but I'm trying to make sense of my  uNPD/uBPD sister's recent unsettling behavior.
She put an aggressive post on my social media recently. I had no idea why, so I ignored it for one or two days. Then I sent her a message, asked her to edit or delete the post because it came across as passive-aggressive. Then boom...she raged at me via text - calling me names, declaring how I'm an awful person, she wants nothing to do with me ever again. She blocked me on social media and stopped responded to my texts.
Her rages are nothing new. And her ability to secretly cut me off is a pattern.  She once held a secret grudge for 6 months and decided to 'punish' me by stop sending holiday/bday cards or gifts.  I had no idea. My transgression? Telling her that I feel scared when she rages at me. She never apologizes - it's all justified and deserved in her mind.

What has bothered me for a while is that she seemed to take pleasure in planning how she was going to punish me - she put the veiled insult on my social media and waited for me to respond. Then she raged when I did, and she cut me off. It seems sadistic to me. Like she really enjoys the opportunity to be emotionally abusive. She brags about how she verbally attacks people - it's so cold - even predatory?
What makes it more confusing is that she is a very rigid and serious Christian. She has strict beliefs against dating without being engaged first.  She gets angry when she hears people swearing in public. 
But she actually seems to take pride in how cunning she can be with hurting people - she thinks people deserve to be punished. Could this be some kind of narcissism with sadistic tendencies? Could it be that her being prude is related to her getting some kind of power and pleasure from emotionally abusing people? How much energy would it take to secretly hold a grudge for months - waiting for the other person to say something, then attacking them?
It's so disturbing to see her through this lens but knowing that she put that posting up and just waited for the right moment to pounce, and she gloats in verbally victimizing people... seems so depraved.
I'm glad to go NC with her. I have before but I reached out after a year or so. I don't think I can do that again.

[DistanceNotDefense]

Hi desertpine  My uNPD sister is similar, she has sadistic behaviors. What your sister did is called "baiting." Everyone baits each other from time to time, but I think some PDs take it to a whole other level. More like bear traps than bait! I think they set them and can wait for as long as it takes for someone to fall in. For a healthy person, putting this much energy into something like that is very draining. But yes, I think PDs might derive some pleasure out of the control it gives them because they can hold onto it for so long, and that definitely seems sadistic. It's like a fuel for them.

[Adria]

Desertpine,

She sounds very much like my sister. I really think my sister might be a psychopath or something.  My sister brags about keeping files on people she wants to get even with so she can remember why they deserve it (who does that?) Says she has a lot of patience so as to get the timing right when to strike. She goes with married men so she can hold it over their heads for the rest of their life, and said she became a nurse so she could get even with her classmates when they end up in the hospital. Sick! I walked away from her almost 30 years ago.  Never looked back.

As far as her being a rigid Christian, You know what they say, "Watch out for the good Christians who gotta tell ya they are good Christians." 

[BuzzyBee]

Desertpine,

Your sister reminds me of my brother and my mom. Both can drop me at the tip of a hat like I'm nothing. It's called conditional love. Normal people don't put conditions on their love for you.

Is like your sister doesn't know how to relate to you. It's a love/ hate or love to hate thing. Maybe she has abandonment issues, or jealousy issues along with her other traits. I would say this fits in with NPD.

For instance, my NPDM projects herself onto me. And when she gets overwhelmed she shuts me out. But then her abandonment and entitlement issues trigger, and she wants me around again for supply.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this kind of behavior. It's childish. You are aware of it and already functioning at a higher emotional intelligence level than them. Kudos for seeing through it, and not being like them!

[nanotech]

It's just bad treatment, period.
We wouldn't accept it from a friend. We'd take ourselves out of their lives.
Family of origin- what fun they can be.
Mine used to trample like elephants over my social media. I talked to them politely about boundaries. Nope, they didn't 'do' boundaries. So I had to block them.

I'm very familiar with the secret grudge. 
Unpdsis and UnpdBrother have done this to me in the past. It suits them so well, because they can remain the victim while you and I, not knowing we have 'upset' them, are oblivious, and have no right of reply. 
I think they really do enjoy being emotionally abusive. I've been baited, then abused. I'm now NC with them.
At first they thought it was the silent treatment and they waited for me to reach out. My UNPD sis was fond of blocking me if I ever stood up to her online. Time after time I would reach out after a few months.
If I were you I would definitely stay disconnected from her. They don't learn. They just behave for a while and then the whole toxic cycle begins again.
What a waste of time when we could all be loving and supportive instead, like functional families are. 
Yep, my sis is very black and white about religion too. But she's a staunch atheist! She hates anyone who disagrees with her, on ANYTHING.  She doesn't drink now, but won't leave it there- she would tell me how disgusting alcohol is and she didn't know how I could bear it. I'm a very moderate drinker but she casts aspersions if I ever ordered one drink in her presence.
She will tell everyone that she never ever liked the taste, but years ago she WAS a party animal, and drank a lot. Same with smoking. It was one extreme or the other.

[Tranquil]

Wow, I just joined this site and seeing "desertpine" post and the replies I could swear we all have the same sibling. We are not alone! I am not alone! It feels so good to say that. I thought I was the only one! I have 7 sibs and I am the one she abuses on a regular basis.  But that isn't to say she doesn't manipulate and hurt other family members or acquaintances. My biggest heartache was when she went around to our small community and told people I was abusive to her, sexually aggressive to her spouse and other married men and abusive to my children. I cut her off for a long time but she reeled me in by telling me she changed. I should have known when she didn't apologize for hurting me, oh she admitted it, just never said she was sorry. I let her back in my life because we share siblings but I am very sorry I did. I have not had a moments peace since she came back into my life. I am at the point in my life where I have to cut her loose. I have to accept that she will not change and not look back. I would be happy to discuss this with anyone in the same position. We ARE NOT ALONE!!!

[Maxtrem]

If your sister enjoys it, she falls into the malignant narcissist category. These narcissists also have traits related to antisocial personality disorder, paranoia and sadism. These comorbidities result in an absence of remorse and empathy. Much of the damage caused by narcissists comes from the protection of a fragile ego, whereas malignant narcissists derive pleasure from doing so. I have already read articles from psychiatrists who confirm that these people are incapable of love. I am really sorry that you are going through all this.