Out of the FOG

Full Title: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse
Author: Shannon Thomas
MAST Publishing House (August 30, 2016)

I read this book all the way through very fast, and I plan to go back and re-read and take notes. I haven't read a wide variety of books on the subject of abuse, but I feel as though this book captured one facet of abusive behavior in a way that I haven't seen captured elsewhere - the insidious, destructive, and usually hidden nature of psychological abuse (she focuses on sociopaths and psychopaths, but I found some commonalities with BPD and NPD in there too). I found it very validating! Early on in my journey I might have been uncomfortable with the idea that psychological abusers know exactly what they're doing (as opposed to just being sick or unaware), but the author's explanation is hard to deny - it sounds like truth to me now. The author pulls examples from all kinds of relationships - parents, spouses, co-workers, even church leaders, which expanded my understanding of the nature of abusive people in different contexts. She also knows on a very personal level what it is to experience this kind of abuse, which I feel makes her book very approachable.

Also I appreciated reading about the different stages of healing - I realized how far I've come, and the many times when I had to revisit the various stages to continue/expand the cycle of healing. 

Thank you, Sherby!  This is one subject that's too easily overlooked.  I'll add this one to my own list as well.

I'm just about to finish the Audible version of this book and wow, did I take a lot of notes! Like Sherby, I was struck by the author's assertion that NPDs (at least on some level) are aware of the manipulativeness and toxicity of their behavior, and therefore have an ethical responsibility to their actions — and that, very importantly, it is not the job of victims to continue to "feed" NPDs by misplaced or excessive compassion.

The author sums up the empath-narcissism conundrum beautifully: "If we have a high level of emotional capacity, it predisposes us to stay in abusive environments longer. That is not a great thing. On the other hand, a high level of emotional capacity helps survivors heal and truly recover. Our own strengths can be double-edged swords when dealing with abusive individuals." - Shannon Thomas

A wonderful read that is very healing- and forward-focused for survivors of PD abuse.

Thank you. I can't wait to read this. :yes:

Thanks for sharing, I plan on ordering it!

I agree, this book was extremely reassuring to me right after my divorce. It's so hard to not second guess yourself and question if all of the games and manipulation was just a figment of your imagination but this book really helped me to feel confident in the diagnosis of my ex with narcissism and hold strong to my decision. 

This was for me a great refresher, summary, validation and way to look back at three years of Out of the FOG journey. I did learn new things because of the focus on psychological abuse, for example that a hoover can also be the creation of chaos rather than nice behavior and it fit F to a T. The book is focused on NPD, socio/psychopath, I'm sure there is overlap to other PDs as they share traits and psychological abuse is part of all of them. I haven't worked through the "Personal Reflections Journal", it looks very interesting and it is going to be my next step.

Would recommend it wherever you are on your journey.

Bless you for sharing this book....I have found no reading lately that has been even remotely helpful....the first chapter of this book and I'm like finally!! Someone that really gets this....God Bless all

This is a good book from a moderate Christian perspective.  She is aware of the games people in churches play.  I have read about 10 books like this one.  I guess the PD is good for something, that is growing as a human being and getting an equivalent education of a Masters degree in therapy.  Wish it was easier for all of us.

Wow!  While I was reading the first chapter, I had tears streaming down my face, because the author perfectly conveyed the true devastation the victim feels after long term hidden emotional abuse.  The author really "got It" when she explains that emotional abuse is often hidden so no one believes the victim when they try to tell their story.  When the abuser is confronted, the abusers portray themselves as the victim and the victim as the abuser. (page 44-50)  This is maddening to deal with, because the victim is then made out to be the bad guy.  The abuser then smears the victim and destroys the victims relationships with the rest of the family, which is further traumatizing the victim.  All of this is covertly done by the abuser who just expressing "concern and worry" for the victim, but really they are just smearing the victim and destroying the victims most vital relationships.  The author truly "gets it," and it was a relief to finally find a book that explained my experience so well.  Thank you sherby2k for telling us about this book. 

Thanks for sharing.  I will order it.