I did it,

[Roza]

I did it, I went to therapy. I was so scared and felt like a failure, but I did it. I talked about what brought me in and I want to get better. My T listened and actually said bcz of all the family dysfunction I should have been in therapy years ago. T said I was a lot stronger that I think. But why do I feel weak?  Like a failure? My NPD mom and sister don't care how I feel,  they just continued to hurt me, shame me, belittle me, embarrass me,  and I have always returned for more. I just want to be happy and left alone. NPD mom passed but my NPD sister took her place big time. I know I have to work at getting over the pain and anger. I must take care of me now, I matter.

[LemonLime]

Roza, congratulations on taking the plunge!  This next phase for you will be all about taking care of YOU.   You, you, and nobody else but you!   
They may badger, they may taunt, they may disparage.   It will not be easy, and it will likely be a bit lonely.   But you and your T "have this", as they say.   You will be an unbeatable team, working to get you the life you want and deserve.
It will be messy, sometimes ugly, but ultimately beautiful.   
Steel yourself, sister, and gather round the people who love and support you.  Cocoon yourself away with only those who are truly on your side.
Go kick some ass, girl!!! 

[Roza]

Kat1984, thank you for kind words...I know that this is real work, but I have worked my whole life so here comes another challenge for my own well being, I am worth it. Maybe selfish, but I am worth it.

[PeanutButter]

  good for you! Thats called courage when you do something that you are afraid to do.
I know now, that when I first realized I would need to seek this type of care, I had enormous fears based on false beliefs about what it meant. I thought it was proof that I was an unfit mother. I thought it meant I must be crazy. I thought it meant something about me was broken.
I probably was influenced by society a little but definately also my parents. My mom felt it was a weakness to need and my dad thought taking a walk was equilivant in help.
I have benefitted greatly though. I look back and see that it was/is an education. An education about emotional and mental health, interpersonal relationships, who I am, and who I want to be.