Which wrong thinking is your PDs favorite?

logistics · January 23, 2019, 07:43:41 PM

Ad hominem fallacy.

I asked spouse to do something in fall. Spouse waits until now. It's twice as expensive. Now it's my fault.

bruceli · January 24, 2019, 12:58:37 PM

Quote from: all4peace on January 19, 2019, 08:25:37 AM
"Family is everything"
You hurt ME, and that's totally unrelated to how much I hurt you for years, abusively, violently. (my parents)
Love is something you say, not something you do (both sets of parents)
Reality is whatever we want it to be. It is unrelated to observable facts. (both sets of parents)
Life is a zero-sum game. If you have something, then I can't, so I hate you for having it (uNBPDmil)
Life is about power and control. If I'm not controlling you, then you must be controlling me, and that's intolerable (uNBPDm)
If you look away, close your ears and refuse to see something, it doesn't exist (enF and enFIL)
You do not have humanity, your own needs, your own rights (both sets of parents)
The past is in the past. The past is whatever we say it is. The past is relevant when it suits us, invisible when it doesn't. If you remember the past, you are holding a grudge and not "growing." If we remember the past, there's a valid reason (my parents)
If you tell us very clearly, repeatedly, what you see as the problem in our relationship, you are lying or crazy. Because it doesn't make sense to us, you must be making it up or trying to upset us. It's not that you think differently, it's that something isn't adding up. Instead of the XYZ things you tell us are the problem, it MUST actually be ridiculous, ancient abc reasons instead, which is what we will tell people who ask. Even though XYZ is in writing, repeatedly, clearly. (both sets of parents)

I could go on, but it's a little triggering.

For my pwPD, these have actually been said. A lot can be said for the concept "drunk talk is sober thoughts".

RavenLady · January 26, 2019, 01:08:10 AM

I love this thread. An excellent crash course in crazy.

uNPDF:
Since I'm the steward of reason and reality, what I don't like is by definition unreasonable.
People get in the way of what matters.
Emoting is a sign of weakness.
Weakness is shameful.
If you think I could be wrong, you're wrong.
I'm smarter than you and know better than you, whoever you are.
If you don't do what I want, you're an idiot.

uBPDm:
Nobody, anywhere, ever, can understand me. I am utterly unique and alone.
Being myself is shameful.
There is nothing I can do to change anything about me or my circumstances. Thus, ignoring what might be wrong is an adaptive virtue.
My duty is to serve my husband. It's selfish and wrong for me to have needs, and especially wants, of my own that differ from his. Feeling resentment means I just need to submit more fully.
If you don't believe and worship as I do, you are evil or a victim of evil. As my path is incredibly unique, this includes almost everyone. Understanding this dogma is love. Challenging this dogma is hate.
When my daughter disagrees with me, it is an attack on my very being. Only evil would attack my very being, so my daughter is evil.
The world is out to get me. I will never be safe.

11JB68 · January 26, 2019, 05:50:56 PM

Wow raven lady...your f and my h:
"If you think I could be wrong, you're wrong.
I'm smarter than you and know better than you, whoever you are.
If you don't do what I want, you're an idiot."
They must have studied the same textbook.

RavenLady · January 26, 2019, 10:22:20 PM

11JB68 - Must have. I think mine even manages to convince a lot of people he's right to be so arrogant. He is a brilliant man and good at many things. He is also emotionally abusive. The former appears to justify the latter in his mind.

11JB68 · January 27, 2019, 01:48:52 PM

VeryUncertain · February 04, 2019, 12:17:35 PM

I was being hoovered, so in anticipation of another hoover, I broke VLC.

and I ran into another common one:

I won't do/say/give what you want, because it wouldn't prove anything.

I'm not asking for it/whatever because I want proof, it's because I want you to do/give/say and I would be happy if you did.

Nobody does stuff to "prove" things. People do stuff because they ARE things, like nice, and kind, and considerate, and generous. People do and give because it makes them happy to see others happy -- that's empathy.

I'm not looking for proof, I'm looking for kindness and respect. Don't do it to prove anything, do it for a good reason, or even for no reason.

1footouttadefog · February 04, 2019, 08:32:20 PM

Quote from: VeryUncertain on February 04, 2019, 12:17:35 PM
I was being hoovered, so in anticipation of another hoover, I broke VLC. and I ran into another common one:

I won't do/say/give what you want, because it wouldn't prove anything.

I'm not asking for it/whatever because I want proof, it's because I want you to do/give/say and I would be happy if you did.

Nobody does stuff to "prove" things. People do stuff because they ARE things, like nice, and kind, and considerate, and generous. People do and give because it makes them happy to see others happy -- that's empathy.

I'm not looking for proof, I'm looking for kindness and respect. Don't do it to prove anything, do it for a good reason, or even for no reason.

This whole deal is a great "putting into words" an aspect of pj's that really bothers me.

The fact that behaviors are proofs. It illustrates the idea of them being empty and having no real identity. They instead of acting because of what and who they are, adopt actions that are proofs or evidences of who or what they wish to make the target believe they are.

I did this so I am that, seems to be what they think. That they refuse to do something because it proves nothing means they see no value in "being that guy" at the time.

It's so tiring.

Swarley · February 05, 2019, 06:14:48 PM

uNPDF: of COURSE I always put myself and my needs first! EVERYONE does.

Also uNPDF: if you put your needs ahead of mine, you are selfish and inconsiderate.

Heavenlymint · February 11, 2019, 11:56:32 PM

I have been so meshed with people who have varying degrees of PD that I questioned if it is me or everyone else. The people in my life include ex, child, husband, family members... I had to see a counsellor for assessment for an objective opinion. Apparently, I do not have PD but a good case of depression and PTSD from all the manipulations and chronic abuse, Trauma.

Also, extremely susceptible to JADE discussions and then lack the ability to get out of the cycle because my only tool is "I don't want to talk about it." I just try to stop it as I know where the conversation is going and it is spilling out of control.

I am learning so much by reading other people's stories. I will admit, it has been long enough for me to know better but I am still not clear on all the subtle styles of manipulations.

My biggest beef - I hate it when they blame me for their shit! Or, the double sided coin only when you do the same thing they did; it's unforgivable.

I also hate having to call the police to help me look for my child who is out of control and at large for risk of harming self...

I am definitely suffering from PTSD.

Freeatforty · February 25, 2019, 12:50:46 PM

"When you were born I already saw that yo don't like me. You probably wanted someone more intellectual as a mom."

I spent precious years of my life trying to prove that I do like her until I really didn't like her any more...