Who gets Ill this much??

[Dollydrops]

Is it common for people with PDs to thrive on illness? Always off work with something or using it as excuses to get out of something?
In 6 months hes had almost fatal flu, two chest infections, two kidney infections, a bad back, a bad stomach, headaches  of course he had to have Covid symptoms whilst it was an advantage and these are all his reasons for not being able to text.
I've never known a man actually want to impress a woman in this way and if not him ill then someone in his family with an emergency.

[Thru the Rain]

My uPDM seems to love being sick. She likes the "get out of being an adult" card she thinks it gives her.

My whole childhood she always had a cold or flu going. And she NEVER washed her hands, or taught any of us kids to wash our hands either (thank god for school!).

She had terrible food handling habits, so often our entire family had some low-grade food poisoning. She used to call it "24 hour flu" which we had all the time. I've never experienced it since moving out 30+ years ago.

And now she's discovered surgeries, and the looooooong recovery times needed after each one. She's had three knee replacements. Yes three - one knee had to be redone. Carpal tunnel surgery on both wrists. The most recent was surgery on her achilles tendon that required her to be 100% off her feet for 8 weeks. She's recovered from that one, so I'm waiting to hear what's next.

She also likes to play guessing games with her doctors. Refuses to take her medications as prescribed. Oh she takes them, but "wrong" in some way. She chews up pills that should be swallowed whole. Takes double amounts, or alternately takes half the amount.

Also a little crazy with the OTC medicines. Took enough over the counter pain medicine to give herself an ulcer - and another round of emergency surgery.

[Honey_B]

They LOVE anything that gives them attention and creates drama, so diseases/sickness are a perfect tool to call on attention from family, caregivers, hospital, doctors, etc. Its a very common trait with pd people.

[Jolie40]

this happened so much with PD parent
sometimes even forgetting about a condition they claimed to have

a few months later, I'd ask "how are you dealing with xxx condition?"
only to get reply "I don't have that."


attention seeking/control
as illness brought more attention in the way of phone calls, more visits from family, more food brought over

[blunk]

I definitely saw this with my bpdxh. When he was sick it was like he became a child and had to be waited on hand and foot. And of course he thought he had whatever the disease of the day was, swine flu, EEE, at one point he even claimed that he thought he might have ebola! And when I laughed at how ridiculous this was, he got mad at me. It only got worse after he discovered Web MD...ugh. And if I was at work when he started feeling sick, I would be sent a list of things that he had to have....cold medicine (that he wasn't supposed to take because of CHD), tylenol, orange juice, vicks vap-o-rub, sherbet, and on and on.

I remember him telling me when we first got together that as a kid, when all of the kids in the house got sick, he was always the sickest. I just kind of brushed it off as he was the youngest and probably just thought it was bad.

On the other hand, if I was sick, he wouldn't go out of his way to do anything for me. When I had bronchitis, I asked him to make me a cup of tea. He boiled the water and then told me I had to do the rest because he didn't know how I take it. Or when I had foot surgery while living on the third floor of a 3 family house. I was on crutches and in a hard cast, and I was still expected to do all of the grocery shopping and somehow get the groceries into the house. Thankfully our downstairs neighbor saw me struggling at one point and offered to help.

It always seemed to me like it was about attention. If he was sick the attention was on him, and that was good. If I was sick it took attention away from him, and that was bad. I'm sorry that you are experiencing this, it is frustrating for sure.

[blacksheep7]

Yes pds like to have the attention, play the victim and love the caretaking and supply it gives them when they are sick.

There are also those who don't understand that it's the consequences of their lifestyle and we have to feel sorry for them because of their unhealthy decisions without any responsibility.

An aunt on dh side had breast cancer but continued to smoke afterwards 

My bff which I have written about has always had one sickness after the other.  While I am now working on LC with her, she texted me yesterday to tell me that she was going to the doctor this morning because she might have some other one and that she would call me after her appointment... it never ends.   I'm not really anticipating her call, not even sure if I will answer.  I'm trying to break away from her negativity in her life.
They are all Stress Related from all the demands in her codependency!

[Pepin]

PDmil.  Yes.  She thrives off of this.  It is an attention seeking behavior.  She doesn't want to take care of herself and ignores any medical advice she's been given about any of her current medical issues.  In my opinion, I feel that she does not love herself and never has.  She constantly looks for reassurance and attention outside of herself because she cannot give herself what she needs.

The problem with this is that she has followers that feel bad for her and make excuses, including my DH.  DH holds her to a different standard than he would with anyone else.  If I behaved like her, he'd kick me to the curb in a second.  Yet, because he is a GC, he lets her continue being helpless...he feels that she doesn't know nay better because of how she was raised.  That's hogwash considering that her siblings are "good" people...even her mother was able to turn herself around and become a better person later in life after becoming a widow. 

[TheEscapeArtist]

I was tidying up my work emails earlier and was genuinely surprised to see how many times this year I had emailed my boss to say I couldn't work today as I had to do childcare because uPDx had Covid symptoms...

[Dodo]

OMG my updp is a hypochondriac, he is always worrying about his health, always taking his blood pressure, his temperature, his oxygen levels.  He says I don't pay enough attention to him when he is sick, he did have a bacterial infection with a fever for nearly 2 weeks and I had to beg to get a covid test as I was going away with my family for a week (which had been planned for 6 months)!  He thought I should stay home and take care of him even after his test was negative he got a heavy dose of antibiotics and was a.o.k for 3 days before I left, plus he had his daughter who came over every day I was gone to take of him but still had to make me feel guilty.
Yes it's all about how attention they can get! I never understood till recently (have been together 3 years), how crazy it is because I have just not been use to a person like this before.

[IRedW77]

I have a BPD mom. She's retired now, but she didn't have a job before retirement since the early 80's with all her various and sundry illnesses.

What was really fun was being enmeshed as a child. I got to have everything she had from age 5 to 15 or so. Sooo many doctors and diagnosis and different herbs and supplements and medications. She had an amazing knack for getting whatever diagnosis she wanted to have—and then getting the same one for me.

I started to burn out on it and gain some independence when she started getting into the eastern medicine. I have a needle phobia, so she couldn't force me into acupuncture—she found a wacky alternative for me anyway.

She has to have her acupuncture (unless she's not feeling well enough to get it) and she takes scary Chinese herb blends that probably have lead and sh** in them. If she thinks it's a cure it works on her, until she decides it doesn't.

When she used to take more western medicines she'd develop a "sensitivity" whenever they started doing what they were supposed to.

She's always struggled to have enough money. I can't even contemplate how things could have been different if she didn't burn up so much money on medical treatments over the years. And let's not even talk about that pyramid scheme in the 90's...

[Honey_B]

What was really fun was being enmeshed as a child. I got to have everything she had from age 5 to 15 or so. Sooo many doctors and diagnosis and different herbs and supplements and medications. She had an amazing knack for getting whatever diagnosis she wanted to have—and then getting the same one for me.

And let's not even talk about that pyramid scheme in the 90's...

This is my PD mother 

How about the currently pyramid schemes? My mother drinks a supplement that supposedly contains "signal molecules" and is supposed to "repair the cells" so you dont get cancer 

The product is not FDA approved and only sold through pyramid business (I wonder why). If you read the label on the bottle, the drink only contains water and sodium. Its basically just salt water!

However, my mother buys this shit at 20 dollars per small bottle and claims it has "changed her life" 

She get rage attacks if her tell her she is being fooled, which is another reason we are NC now.

[Phoenix Rising]

Yes I think it is. My uPD grandmother pulls that kind of nonsense a lot - even when she was much younger. I think it is a way that they control and garner more attention toward themselves.  It's a tactic to get what they want.

When I was younger, she used to claim she had Diabetes and heart conditions so no one would not try to challenge her when she was in the wrong with something or otherwise being abusive. It was a way that she kept us in line. I found out as an adult that she does not have these chronic illnesses. But she still uses them to this day. I think that she has told so many lies that she can't remember that I know she is not ill.

[IRedW77]

This is my PD mother 

How about the currently pyramid schemes? My mother drinks a supplement that supposedly contains "signal molecules" and is supposed to "repair the cells" so you dont get cancer 

The product is not FDA approved and only sold through pyramid business (I wonder why). If you read the label on the bottle, the drink only contains water and sodium. Its basically just salt water!

However, my mother buys this shit at 20 dollars per small bottle and claims it has "changed her life" 

She get rage attacks if her tell her she is being fooled, which is another reason we are NC now.

Oh yeah, it's just a drop in the bucket over a lifetime. Special cleaners (I think that was a pyramid also). I was going to make a big list, but I can't even remember all of them. I've either blocked them out or forgotten because my ears and brain stop paying attention when she starts going on about any of this stuff.

Every new thing "changes their life" until something takes its place or some element of it somehow offends them. It's exhausting to just swallow the anger and frustration at the logical inconsistency and downright gullibility and stupidity of it all.

I've often wondered who the hell else is buying all of this sh**? Are these businesses literally built on the backs of a nation of PD people? I guess it's them and conspiracy theorists.

I don't know, it's ridiculous, but in a way we shouldn't judge—at least not falling for it in the first place. Everyone can probably point to something(s) that they've fallen for in the course of their lives. Capitalism is predatory, so there's never a shortage of exploiters to match up with victims. The difference is that non PD people eventually reckon with their mistakes and don't just deny and bury them. 

[Matteblak]

All of this is so familiar 

My PD spouse also blames everything she says or does wrong on the medications needed to treat all these maladies. It's odd, because that would provide an explanation for why people are so put off by her, but then she says these same people are irrational for the way they treat her. Which is it, them or the medication craziness?

[IRedW77]

All of this is so familiar 

My PD spouse also blames everything she says or does wrong on the medications needed to treat all these maladies. It's odd, because that would provide an explanation for why people are so put off by her, but then she says these same people are irrational for the way they treat her. Which is it, them or the medication craziness?

The answer is someone or something else. Always! The world is deliberately structured to make the PD's life more difficult. It's your fault that you haven't realized that by now.

Best you can hope for is that it's they or that and not you.

[Lauren17]

My SIL gets sick this much! It's always a special or unusual case. Difficult to understand, long healing, super painful. Even for something as simple as head cold or sprained wrist.
She's done all of the alternative approaches too.
I've often wondered if this tendency toward illness is intentional or not.
I see it as a sign of someone who is deeply unhappy. I'm torn between feeling sorry for her and being annoyed.

[Bunnyme]

I've been wondering this, too!  My uNBPDh called out of work all the time for various ailments...and ended up getting fired.  Of course, it was not his fault.  Every illness is major.  And not just man cold major...I've dealt with that before.  It is a total attention grab.  He has been to the ER or urgent care at least 8 times in the past 2 months.  He now claims to have covid.  He may, but there is no test nor doctor visit billed on our insurance.   

[Nomoretoday]

I've had a rough few years including two diagnosis of rare diseases, one being cancer. Now I'm dealing with the after affects of the treatment.
One of mine thought they had covid multiple times, other illnesses, and now a cancer. They said they had a cancer before but that's been debated by others. I don't know.
Regardless, if I'm hurting they're hurting worse. If I'm sick they're even more sick. It's like a sick competition. They can have mine, I'd love to have their life honestly without all this crap I've had to deal with from the cancer.