A nice article about bpd behavior from a non-pd perspective

[ShyTurtle]

As I wait for my new lease to start next month, I'm stuck with my old housemate with bpd. She only announced her condition when I moved in and in spite of that, for a time she and I were like besties. As time went on and I didn't always give her my full attention, she split and started hating me. Now it's absolutely toxic.

Last night I ended up coming home late after spending the day with my boyfriend. The lights were on when I pulled in the driveway and we're quickly shut off on my arrival. I suspect she high-tailed herself up to bed to avoid me. I assume there is a lot of shame about her rage behaviors.  It's sad that two adults now behave like this. I also avoid her to reduce conflict as I prepare to leave this house. At this point this weird distant avoidance may be what carries us both through. How lonely must she be if this is what she does to all of her close relationships?

The article below is about bpd relationship break down, and it helped me write this. I'm trying to have compassion in this situation while protecting myself.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/returnofconflictgirl.wordpress.com/2019/04/13/bpd-and-relationship-fallout/amp/

[Whiteheron]

Thanks for posting the article!

This part really resonated with me:
"In my observation, the person with BPD often does not think their actions should have any lasting effect on the relationship. Reacting so intensely is just what they do and they think that once they're over the fight, the other person should be as well. Any real acknowledgment of how deeply the BPD person has hurt the non never comes. Or if there's a brief moment of self-awareness of what they've done, they'll later take it back."

This sums up my updxh perfectly.

[ShyTurtle]

Thanks for posting the article!

This part really resonated with me:
"In my observation, the person with BPD often does not think their actions should have any lasting effect on the relationship. Reacting so intensely is just what they do and they think that once they're over the fight, the other person should be as well. Any real acknowledgment of how deeply the BPD person has hurt the non never comes. Or if there's a brief moment of self-awareness of what they've done, they'll later take it back."

This sums up my updxh perfectly.

You're so welcome! Yes, the bpd person is just too caught up in their own emotions and reality! (I find articles like this one so validating!)

[blunk]

Thanks for posting the article!

This part really resonated with me:
"In my observation, the person with BPD often does not think their actions should have any lasting effect on the relationship. Reacting so intensely is just what they do and they think that once they're over the fight, the other person should be as well. Any real acknowledgment of how deeply the BPD person has hurt the non never comes. Or if there's a brief moment of self-awareness of what they've done, they'll later take it back."

This sums up my updxh perfectly.

This was definitely one of the most frustrating things to deal with. I hated being told that I should just "get over it", from someone who never seemed to get over anything. Or being told that I was too sensitive, when I wanted to be left alone to think after being raged at.

At one point, he said something to me that was so vile, I told him that I didn't know if I would be able to forgive him and I needed time to consider things. His response was something like, it's not that hard, either you forgive me or you don't. In the end, before I could make my decision he went on to say something even worse which made me realize that you cannot forgive someone for something that they have no intention to stop doing.