Dear old dad

[madmatilda]

So, where to begin! My father was a great dad when we were all younger: did a lot of things with the 3 of us, read bedtime stories, carved great pumpkins, family vacations, etc. etc. Lots of good stuff! No major complaints at all about the distant past. But he retired 20 years ago after being a physician. Didn't plan well for retirement in terms of having things to do. Has ALWAYS had issues with ADD, anxiety, and severe negativity but all 3 of these unacknowledged issues of his have gotten MUCH MUCH worse as he's aged. He is now 87 and is miserable. (Also can't hear but denies a hearing problem even though was an ENT doctor...go figure.) He is making my mother's life a living hell and not making things easy for the 3 of us adult children and certainly isn't winning any points by now with his grandchildren. He is undoing all the good he has done in the past. We've all tried to tell him all of this nicely, constructively, etc. but he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong b/c he appears to be a certified narcissist. (Easy enough to figure out on our own, but my sister has a Phd in psychology so she knows something about all this.) He won't do counseling, anxiety meds, anything b/c he is just fine. Gaslights and lies ALL THE TIME. Very draining. My mom can't leave him at this stage in life. At a loss how to deal with him. We mainly just focus on my mother and try to get her to take better care of herself. We try and get her out of the house as much as we can and away from him! I am honestly not expecting any amazing ideas...not trying to be snarky...just feel like it is hopeless trying to deal with him. So, that's my story and I'm stickin' to it!

[SerenityCat]

Welcome!

I hope that you are taking good care of yourself during this.

Is your mother the primary caregiver of your father?

[madmatilda]

Oh, I do take care of myself. It is my mother that I worry about. My dad is 87, she is 83...neither has any major health issues but my mother has fibromyalgia and has depression issues. Yes, lol, she is his main caregiver. He would get highly incensed at that depiction b/c, don't you see, he is just misunderstood, nobody like him, he's the victim, yada yada yada. Living with  him day in and day out is exhausting for her. Every day he rants, carries on, causes problems. They go out to dinner, he causes problems. They visit friends...same thing. Ongoing. Just so hard to watch. Thank you for listening!!