logistical questions...

victoriousladyJj · December 20, 2020, 05:32:38 PM

In these circumstances of having to file for divorce secretly for safety reasons, and not being able to inform the PD, how do you logistically go about that? Specifically, if preparing divorce paperwork, what do you list as your date of separation if you are filing while still residing with your spouse and haven't left the home or informed them yet? Can you list a future date, like the day you plan to leave so it would actually be a future date from when you file with the courthouse? I hope my question makes sense, I'm not looking for legal advice and will definitely check with a professional, I'm just curious to know what others have done...TIA

Poison Ivy · December 20, 2020, 06:15:08 PM

I suggest leaving blank the space where you're supposed to answer that question.

Happytobefree · December 20, 2020, 09:39:41 PM

I was told by Legal Aid at the courthouse to use the day after we last were intimate, since not being intimate for at least 30 days was one of the criteria for filing.

victoriousladyJj · December 21, 2020, 04:31:14 PM

Quote from: freetobehappy on December 20, 2020, 09:39:41 PM
I was told by Legal Aid at the courthouse to use the day after we last were intimate, since not being intimate for at least 30 days was one of the criteria for filing.

interesting!

1footouttadefog · December 22, 2020, 12:02:03 AM

Wow, I have been separated for over 10 years.

Happytobefree · December 22, 2020, 10:32:05 AM

Quote from: 1footouttadefog on December 22, 2020, 12:02:03 AM
Wow, I have been separated for over 10 years.

And didn't even know it! LOL! But also

Lauren17 · December 23, 2020, 12:33:54 PM

Quote from: freetobehappy on December 22, 2020, 10:32:05 AM
Quote from: 1footouttadefog on December 22, 2020, 12:02:03 AM
Wow, I have been separated for over 10 years.

And didn't even know it! LOL! But also

This is an interesting bit of information. I'm going to research local laws as well. Thanks for sharing.

sad_dog_mommy · December 23, 2020, 04:31:58 PM

Hello! I heard a radio talk show about divorce and a female lawyer based in California said the date of separation is very important. She lists the day after the last time the couple was intimate as the date of separation. You can still be living together but "separated" in the eyes of the law. Maybe the separation date is important only when assets, spousal support or custody is involved?

I think when you file for divorce the other party must be notified (served) but you can get all your ducks in a row and "pull the trigger" on your terms when you are ready.

You are not alone! Keep your eyes focused on your future. 🙂

Happytobefree · December 25, 2020, 08:36:36 AM

Every state is different, so it's good to do an internet search. For MD, date of separation is from the last day you had sex with your spouse AND living separately in different houses for at least 12 months. This is when you can file for a limited divorce, which merely establishes a date of separation and gives you time to figure out finances and custody, however, you are still legally married. Once those are done and everyone is in agreement, you can then file for an absolute divorce which will will be determined from the date of separation.

GettingOOTF · December 25, 2020, 10:16:56 AM

This site has a lot of State and woman-specific info if you are based in the US

https://www.womansdivorce.com/

Jsinjin · December 25, 2020, 12:32:43 PM

Quote from: victoriousladyJj on December 21, 2020, 04:31:14 PM
Quote from: freetobehappy on December 20, 2020, 09:39:41 PM
I was told by Legal Aid at the courthouse to use the day after we last were intimate, since not being intimate for at least 30 days was one of the criteria for filing.

interesting!

That's very curious. We are going on 14 years! I gave up many years ago.

Freetobe · February 10, 2021, 07:21:16 AM

Can someone explain the seperation date, i thought it was the date the lawyer filed....i have not been intimate with my spouse for 10 years, how would i prove that?

blunk · February 10, 2021, 08:04:01 AM

I'm not sure if it is the same for all states, but in my state I did an internet search for state name and divorce process. What I found was a "DIY" Guide. It listed all of the steps involved, timelines (from initial filing to having them served, from serving to return of financial statements, minimum time to court dates, etc.), FAQs, samples of forms, and links to more information (Marshalls by county, helpful telephone numbers, etc.). Though you would most likely use a lawyer and not DIY, it could provide some helpful information.

In my case the date of separation was cut and dry, based on the information in the guide, I used that day that I told him that I wanted a divorce. But I do understand that is not the case here, I would suggest a consult with a lawyer. That is a pretty basic question that you may even be able to have answered on the first free "meet and greet" type session if you are looking to do some of the work yourself to minimize cost.

victoriousladyJj · February 12, 2021, 09:04:17 AM

Quote from: Freetobe on February 10, 2021, 07:21:16 AM
Can someone explain the seperation date, i thought it was the date the lawyer filed....i have not been intimate with my spouse for 10 years, how would i prove that?

In California, the date of separation is very specific. It is either a. the date there was a complete and final break in the marriage (i.e., one party said "i want a divorce" or b. one party moves out.

In my case, I basically realized I couldn't officially file until after i left the home, which is what I did. I was able to prepare all the documents up until that point though, just not file them with the court until i was gone. I was able to file electronically which was convenient. I'm sure some people bend the rules but I didn't want to risk it. I ended up doing my divorce filing as DIY since we have no property or children.